CFIDS and expectations

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by KMD90603, May 30, 2006.

  1. KMD90603

    KMD90603 New Member

    My husband and I got into an argument yesterday. He says how hard he's working and how he wishes I could pick up just one more day a week, because I'm only working 16 hours a week right now. I was working only 16 hours because of being in school, and now that I'm out of school for the summer he wants me to work more. I told him that I'm afraid I will end up burning myself out and will not want to go back to school in the fall. I really want to use this summer to enjoy with my son, because I feel like I haven't been much of a mother for the past year.

    I guess what bothers me is that my husband, in the midst of our argument, had the nerve to say "you're an adult. Grow up and accept responsibility". Excuse me?!?! I swear he thinks I'm going to school for fun, like I enjoy staying awake all hours of the night to study.

    Sometimes I feel like he expects me to be like him. He's worked 6 days a week for 4 years, and at times he would work 10 to 12 hour days. That's fine and dandy for him, and I wish to God that I could do that. But he doesn't realize how much this disease affects me on a daily basis. I tell him about how bad the fevers are and how sick I feel, but he just brushes it off and moves on to something else. I wish he would acknowledge that I'm sick and I'm doing the best that I can. I mean, I'm working and taking care of our 5-year old son for the summer. Is that not enough? Financially, it would be better if I could work extra. But physically, I don't know if I can do it.

    Besides that, I've already filled out my schedule for work up until August. I had told him a while back that I wasn't planning on working any extra hours in the summer, and he never said anything. Then, last week after I had already filled out my schedule, we had an argument and he brought up this whole issue. We agreed that if my work called me in at all during the week, I would go in for extra hours. But, all of a sudden that's not good enough.

    I'm so frustrated with him and with this disease. It's like if I'm not laying in a hospital bed dying, he doesn't think it's real. I try to talk about my illness with him, but he just seems to ignore it. Gee, I wish I could ignore it and pretend it's not there.

    Gentle hugs to all,
  2. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    Hugs to you, Kim.

    You have CFS, a five year-old son, you're planning on going back to school and your husband wants you to "grow up" and work more hours!?!?

    God bless you. If he was my husband, he'd be outside the door looking in with the locks changed.

  3. graydon

    graydon New Member

    Hi Kim,

    You know ... I used to be like your husband. I would work about 10 hours a day 6 or 7 days of the week as I run my own business. But then I got sick, and I'm lucky to pull a 6 hour day now. Most days because of exhaustion, pain, and brain fog, I can't work at all.

    My point is that this being sick can take it all out of you. I was someone that could work around the clock if I needed to and now I sometimes can't even get out of bed. Certainly, I know it's not being lazy or cautious, because at one time I was able to work like I need to. But now, with this illness, everything has changed.

  4. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member


    If you can not do it you just can not. Just let him know that your health comes first. You might want to bring him to your next doctor's appointment and get it right from the horses mouth.l


    LISALOO New Member

    16 hours is better than most with CFS. Maybe find some documentation about how few people with CFS can work. Tell him if you work more, you'll burn out, and work 0 hours and he'll have to take care of the kid and household!
  6. findmind

    findmind New Member

    Who changes the beds?
    Who makes the grocery lists? Shops?
    Who buys your son's clothes?
    Who bathes your son?
    Who teaches him hygiene and manners?
    Who washes all your clothes?
    Who puts in dryer?
    Who folds all clothes/linens/towels?
    Who cooks or prepares food regularly?
    Who dusts the furniture?
    Who pays the bills?
    Who takes garbage and trash to cans?
    Who takes trash cans to curb?
    Who washes the bathroom floor(s)?
    Who scrubs the kitchen floor?
    Who keeps kitchen counters/sinks clean?
    Who cleans out the microwave oven?
    Who vacuums?
    Who scrubs out tubs and sinks?
    Who transports son to daycare, if goes?
    Who maintains family relationships?
    Who plans b'day, etc., events?
    Who waits on guests?
    Who calls repairpersons? Handles their work schedules?
    Who makes the ice cubes? Cleans out the veggie bin and shelves?
    who monitors what paper products, food, bathroom supplies, are needed?

    GET IT????

    If you are doing the majority of these things (as I assume so, becuz he works all these long hours), plus you have worked 16 hrs weekly, plus school and homework...well....

    To h---l with what he says! You have 3 full time jobs already...

    Take the summer off, dear...or you may need the rest of your life to recover!

  7. findmind

    findmind New Member


    want to make sure kmd90603 sees it! :)

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