Checking in.....

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by missvickielynn, Apr 2, 2003.

  1. missvickielynn

    missvickielynn New Member

    I am still pretty much paralyzed with fear and the desire to just sleep, because I can't make any decisions about trying to find any more help to prevent what seems to be inevitable. I just want to go to sleep.

    But instead, I keep praying. That is all I can think of to do. The few other ideas I have had to look for help, I can't seem to work up the nerve to do. And I can't decide if it is because I am afraid of more rejection, or if it is not God's will for me that I act on those ideas.

    I find myself wanting to pray for my SSDI case to miraculously be approved quickly, but I can't even decide if that is the right thing to pray for. If I am to truly let go and let God take over, then I feel that I should only pray for His will for me, and for His guidance to right solutions. I am one very confused person as to just what His will for me is.........

    So I just keep praying for some kind of divine inspiration, or a miracle of some sort. But there is a part of me that feels that I am just procrastinating, as usual, while the hourglass runs down.

    Jody.....I really do appreciate the fact that you continue to check on me!

    Ellie, thank you for your sweet post. Sounds like you have been through the fire, as well. Your story about your SSI case reminds me of me, in terms of not being able to do the paperwork.

    I am on Food Stamps, and Meals-on-Wheels. I have to admit that the DHS people have been wonderful to me. They have been prompt, they have been kind and helpful, and have really gone out of their way to make it easier for me to accomplish the necessary "red tape" they require. They really have been a life-saver for me.

    Also, the various agencies that help with utilities, have been really wonderful to me, as well. Most of them, that is. There have been a few that have not been helpful, but mostly because even getting through to them on the phone is almost impossible. But several agencies have literally come through for me.....right at the last minute, the day before one of my utilities would be disconnected. Like you said, every time it has seemed like I would not find help, the help comes through at the last minute.

    I keep praying that this will be the case for me in the situation I am facing now. I am trying to have faith, but this living on the edge for so long, is really wearing me down.

    I could not sleep last night, despite Klonopin. Amazingly, my pain levels were down some today. (Thank you, God!) Of course, I have a "relative" remission almost every spring. As long as the temps are between 70 and 90 degrees, and low humidity, I do much better. However, so far, the fatigue levels have not improved as much this spring, as they did last year. But I feel sure it is because of the state of panic and depression I am in, that is worsening the fatigue, the sleep problems, and the brain fog.

    Well, I am really down and fogged, so I am going to go take a warm bath, and then do some writing to God, and some reading in the Bible, and a couple of inspirational books I pulled out of my bookshelf today. So hopefully I will sleep better tonight, and feel more able to take some kind of action tomorrow. I am trusting that I will receive guidance overnight!

    Sending hugs and love to everyone who has been so kind to me. Wishing everyone well.

    Vickie

  2. JP

    JP New Member

    you are in my prayers...knowing that all which is perfect will bless you on your path.

    Jan
  3. ozgran

    ozgran New Member

    Just wanted to say I have had to assist people with utilities as you call it. That was part of my job when I was working and I know it must be so very hard for you just now, but please know that God will be at your side every step of the way. Lean on Him when you need to. I will keep you in my prayers. Love and many hugs. Ozgran