Christians: How do you handle this?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by nonnie1967, May 19, 2006.

  1. nonnie1967

    nonnie1967 New Member

    I am a Christian, pretty solid in my faith. I don't often get to church, though I am a member and keep up with things as much as I can (I have to work full time, and with two small children it's so hard to do it all with this dd!).

    I talked with my sister on the phone yesterday. She exhorted me not to accept and receive "the lie" of fibromyalgia; that God's will for me is not to be sick but to be well and healthy, and to have an abundant life. She thinks everything I'm dealing with is nothing but a spiritual attack of Satan.

    I just don't believe that. I believe in a God who is strong even in our weakness, whose will is not always to heal but sometimes to work his power *through* infirmity. But I won't deny that her words hurt. I still feel guilty about what my illness costs my husband and kids - what I can't do for them - and the thought that somehow it's because of something I've done or haven't done is VERY painful.

    Have you dealt with this with anyone in your life? How? I would like to know. I love my sister. I don't want to damage our relationship in any way. I know she wants nothing but to help me. I truly don't know what to say to her to convey that I really appreciate her motives, but that she needs to accept where I am.

    And I know she won't accept my illness as anything but a lie. And she won't accept "where I am" as anything but a place inferior in faith...just "not there yet" or "not ready to accept yet." Do you know what I mean? That doesn't feel very good.
  2. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    My heart really hurts reading this. I know where your at, please don't let your sisters words rob you or weaken your faith.

    I know what she said was with the best intentions, and probably ment with love. But that doesn't take the sting out of the words, and actually instead of encouraging you and building you up in the word, she just discouraged you and caused doubt.

    I was around people that implied, that if i just had more faith, or rightousness, i would be able to be healed, or stay healed when there was a positive response to prayer.

    It almost destroyed my faith.

    The hard part of it all is that your sister isn't completely wrong. I have a hard time with this also, and even harder to put in words, because i've not completely figured out, but i know we must live by faith.

    Jesus did everything for us on the cross, and he's are righteousness, are own will never be enough.

    Satan does lie to us, we need to know the truth about ourselves in Gods word. And you really need to spend time with the lord to build your own faith up in Jesus.

    So that you know , that you know, that you know!!! That He loves you, and died for you, now just as you are, NOT when you get it right, we will never get it perfectly right, and that's the burden of the law being laid on you.

    We are not under the law, but, faith, mercy, and grace.

    You do the best you can, you stand against the devil and his lies, you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and you are complete and whole in Him, YOu are His child.

    Satan has NO claim on you under the Blood.

    But, the rest is up to God,

    And we live in a sinful world full of sickness.

    We do have Victory in Christ, he has conquered the world, and sin, and sickness.

    We align ourselves, with God, and His Truth, but then we can only wait, Some of His promises we may not see in ourlife, But we will see them all in eternity.

    We overcome the Devil by believing in God despite what our eyes see, Dose that mean your not sick? NO, that means your relying on God's strengh to get you thur.

    Remember Stephen? God was with him and never left him, but he was still stoned to death!

    Remember Daniel, in the fire? And Job?

    All believed, even onto death, but the out come was different and they all will be in heaven.

    If you broke your leg would you believe Satan's "lie" that it wasn't broken?? Or would you pray to God to heal it?

    He could heal it with a miricle, or He could heal it with the hands of a dr.

    I sure hope this helps you some, and it make some sense
    cause i'm just going wild here!!

    God Bless you,
    Read Romans 8: 31-39

    Come join us on the worship board
    When we are using every once to hold onto our faith, it's quite a blow for some one to tell us we just need more faith.
    It's like going down in a liferaft, and someone on shore, shouting directions or telling us to row harder. Helpful, uh!

    [This Message was Edited on 05/19/2006]
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  3. TxSongBird

    TxSongBird New Member

    I will only say a small amount of what happened to a client of our's who was mentally ill and was told by her Church and husband that she didn't need her anti psychotic meds to get well, she just needed to get the devil out of her by praying. Long story made short, she murdered her child and then tried to kill herself because she wasn't getting her med's and no therapy due to her husband and Church telling her it was the devil causing her mental illness. Sad, sad story and many, many people affected by this horrible outcome.

  4. mrstyedawg

    mrstyedawg Member

    When we accept Jesus as our savior, he did not promise us that we would not have hardships, but that he would always be there to see us through. We will one day be whole and without illness, heartache, or any other earthly problems. It made not be in this life, but it will be in heaven.
  5. mahx

    mahx New Member

    I am so very sorry you are going thru this. I too have had these things told to me. "Don't claim it".....or "Declare yourself to be well" uuuuggggg!!!!

    First let me say that God does desire us to be healthly we can do his work. Jesus not only took away are sins , but also our sickness. Through Him anything is possible. I believe that entirely.

    We live on Earth has corrupted and polluted everything. As long as we are on this Earth we are also subject to the disease,sickness,pain,and suffering it has to offer us.Yes, alot comes directly from Satan. Most comes directly from man....and man suffers.

    It is only in the next life...eternal life....that we will have no pain, tears, or sickness. When Jesus died on the cross for us...he took our punishment for we can go to heaven. He also took our no one would ever be ill...WHEN we get there.

    Many Christians have the attitude we have faced...until
    they get cancer.....and need chemo, or become diabetic....and need insulin....etc.

    In the end what matters is what is in your heart....if your right with God...through His son...then your soul is healthy....even if your temporary physical shell of a earthly body is not. I will endure as many years of illness as is given to me...because I know its nothing compared to the eternal life and health I will someday have.

    I know God wants us well on Earth too...his desire is for us to never hurt or be unhappy...but again earth and flesh come into play . That is why he made it possible to obtain perfect eternity.

    By the way, Satan also uses people (even well meaning Christians) make us doubt our faith

    I say all this, not only as, as a person with a chronic
    illness......but I am also a Christian....and....a Pastor.

    [This Message was Edited on 05/19/2006]
  6. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    I'm clapping for you! Rejoice

    You said about what i was trying to say above, but in a more thought out way.

    Thank you!

  7. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    and meant to encourage you but I come in agreement with you that God works through our infirmaties to teach us things we wouldn't otherwise learn.

    Face it, this world is messed up because of sin and God does not promise that you will be healed in this life but that no matter what you face He will not leave nor forsake you. God does not afflict people and Satan is not the cause of ALL problems, although I believe he is behind some things.

    As far as not having enough faith, that is not a loving thing to say to anyone. Let me share a story with you and hope I can get most of the details, but I have the essence of the thing at any rate.

    There was a lady (famous, but don't remember who) that was a mighty woman of God, both she and her husband were strong and serving faithfully and in public ministry.

    They had a 3 year old daughter (not positive about the exact age) that became seriously ill. During the child's illness the parents and the entire church prayed powerfully and faithfully for this girl.

    Unfortunately, her recovery was not part of God's soverign plan and she died. The pastor of the church told this woman that her daughter was not healed because she did not have enough faith (imagine that for a moment).

    The lady asked her pastor if he had prayed for her daughter to recover also, and he said that he did, whereby she told him that he must not have had enough faith either.

    Now that is not an in-your-face comment but a powerful light shined on what those words, probably well meant, but NOT loving, REALLY said.

    I am sure your sister has prayed for your recovery, as have my family and friends and I as well. The fact that you and I have not recovered says nothing about anyone's faith.

    The problem is that we try to put God in a box and make Him someone we can understand with our finite minds, but the Bible tells us that His ways and His thoughts are so far above ours that we cannot even imagine.

    Who can know the mind of God? I know God loves me and I know that He works ALL THINGS for the good of those that love Him. Sin is the worlds fault, not God's but through the greatest sacrifice of all time, Jesus the risen King of Kings, someday all suffering will pass away and our bodies will be perfect and free from all suffering.

    If Jesus suffered so much for me, can I know watch and pray one hour waiting for my Savior??

    I pray a blessing on you my sister,
  8. Hope4Sofia

    Hope4Sofia New Member

    I think that accepting that this illness is REAL requires a large dose of Faith!

    If you're like me you've already spent years thinking this was in your head or that you weren't being very godly because you're lazy or grumpy all the time. SO maybe if I do more devotionals or pray more or offer more of my time to women's ministries.....or, maybe if I just had more righteous faith!... Right??

    You know that isn't true. But she doesn't. So I guess in this situation, she's the one with the weaker faith. And you know how we are meant to treat those with weaker faith...with compassion.

    Just let her words float over you. She's trapped by that belief system - you don't have to be.

    Much love,

  9. nonnie1967

    nonnie1967 New Member

    I am almost in tears.

    There is so much truth is what you all are saying. I feel it in my spirit.

    I tried to explain to her yesterday that I feel God working through this illness in me. I have struggled my whole life with feelings of inferiority and unworthiness, like my value lies in what I can DO. Now I can *do* a lot LESS than I used to be able to do, and it is really eating my lunch.

    Sometimes I will be feeling so lousy, and my husband will tell me to go lie down. On my way I will see that the kitchen is a mess or something, and start cleaning it up, and he will come in and say "What are you doing?" and get upset with me. And I'll say "But it needed to be done..." and the truth of the matter is that I'll be feeling like a failure if I go lie down while the kitchen is a mess!

    Does that make any sense? I feel like God is trying to teach me that my value is not in what I can *do*, and since I apparently couldn't learn that lesson before, He's going to use this illness for GOOD as an opportunity to teach me. (NOT that He GAVE it to me, but He ALLOWED it, and will bring good from it.)

    When I told my sister this, she said, "I know. You have to learn that lesson before He can heal you." So it's back on ME again. :-(

    I know that's not the way to look at it. I know we can't put God in that kind of box - here's the program: Step 1, Step 2, this way to your healing, get your cure there, etc. That seems almost insulting to God, I think. I like that "God in a box" analogy. That's a useful framework. His ways ARE so far above our ways!

    Thank you all SO MUCH for the encouragement. I almost never print out threads. This one I'm going to print and FRAME. :) Thank you and God bless have really blessed me!
    [This Message was Edited on 05/19/2006]
  10. Jana1

    Jana1 New Member

    Your question and all the thoughtful answers are exactly what I needed today, and I did nothing to get it. THAT is God's knowing love for each of us: Providing what is needed when it IS needed.

    Thank you to each of you who answered. I am printing this too, I need to read it often.


  11. wuki1

    wuki1 New Member

    I'm trying to word this correctly and get my point across -bear with me.

    I used to be an occupational therapist. I was not a Christian at this time, I was never sick and I had no friends or relatives that had passed away. It was hard for me to know what to say or to relate to the things my patients were going through.

    After having a miscarriage, MS diagnosis, 3 close family members passing and fibro diagnosis, I am much better to relate to the pain people have. I look back on the comments I may have made before and they may have been hurtful or inappropriate. I'm sorry if they were, but I did the best I knew how to at the time.

    I believe that for the most part people are trying to help when they make comments like this, they just are at a point in life where they have not had the experiences to know better. If I keep this in mind it helps me to get rid of the anger and hurt from the things people sometimes say.

    I certainly don't believe the comment your sister made. I know in my heart that God is an awesome God and can do anything. He can heal me if it is His wish - I believe that He is using these difficult times to further shape me into Christ's image - and that is FAITH!

  12. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    Perfect. I too have felt that God is using FM to slow me down and to make me take care of myself

    OH! Thank you Jesus. This just dropped into my spirit as I was writing! I KNOW that God has been trying to teach me dependence for some time - learning to lean on others and it just came to me that this is part of that. It gets to me too when I am lying in bed after work and my husband and daughter are waiting on me.

    I am the one used to waiting on and doing for everyone else. Our God is an awesome God!

    I was studying submission at one point and trying to wrap my mind around that concept and found in the Amplified Bible a definition of submission as "subject to or DEPENDENT on" and I was like, AHA! I get it.

    I think it is partly fear that makes us women not want to depend on anyone else. I know God is training me to lean on my husband and not be so self sufficient.

    That is so against the world's training that it is hard to unlearn.

  13. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Like someone said, this topic should probably be discussed on the worship board.

    I am a Christian; however, I find it wise not to discuss religion with anyone--if you want to remain friends with them!! As a wise person once said, always avoid discussions regarding religion or politics! LOL

    After reading your sentence "She thinks everything I'm dealing with is nothing but a spiritual attack of Satan", I immediately thought that she needs help--from a professional! I don't know what type of religion that she is into, but I think she has fallen off on the deep end and that you should not pay any attention to one word that she says. I do not mean any offense to you, but she seems rather eccentric and far out from reality.

    Please do not let her remarks upset you. Don't pay any attention to them. You believe what you want to believe and make it a point to never discuss your health concerns with her again. This is just my opinion.

  14. sixtyslady

    sixtyslady Member

    it was not a accident that you choose to write this post.
    I really needed to read this and all the answers you received.
    I was called by a well know ministry Thurs Nite I had made a prayer request for my husband health and my health.
    I was so taken back that this lady implied that I just needed to have more faith and that their ministry had already sent me tapes on healing, and I should use them.
    well I"ve listen to these tapes and read the bible all the time, and pray.
    and I know God hears and answers our request. I have a daughter that is almost to her 5th yr cancer free, from invasive cancer. and later had a mass in her kidney was going to have to have surgery. and when they did another scan it was gone,even the Drs told our daughter that she was their miracle.
    so I know what it is to stand on the word but this lady made me feel like because I"ve been sick for a long time I just didn"t have enough faith.
    I felt like I just was a bother to them.but I realized that God still loves me even when I"m sick. and he is right there beside me and will never leave me. and your all so right, he will see us all through this. so to God be the Glory. sixtyslady
  15. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    .... is what I call it. Using our faith to shame us.

    The God I beleive firmly in is not a God of illness or shame. I do beleive that as any problem in our life, God uses our illness to help us learn lessons but we aren't "given" the illness by God nor do we stay sick because we lack faith.

    We are a child of The Most High God who loves us beyond measure. We're given strength and the power to overcome, not necessarily illness, but discouragement. If you have two small children and work full time, you are already being blessed by your faith.

    Is she a new Christian, by any chance? More seasoned folks often have more love. I'd just bless her and move on, then stay away from her. You're doing GREAT!

  16. painandagony

    painandagony New Member

    I was just going to add something to my post and deleted it by accident, so I will write again.

    I like the comment someone made on a different post about how to respond to people's ignorant comments...."Wow, you should call the CDC and tell them your theory. All these doctors and patients have been researching the wrong thing"

    Also, think about how she would be if she had this illness.....would she be friendly to you if you talked to her the way she talks to you? I know you said her heart and intentions are in the right place, but I don't spend time with people who continually hurt my feelings. I hope you find a way to continue a close relationship with her, but not at the expense of your feelings.
    Take care,
  17. jarjar

    jarjar New Member

    So many Christians choose often to forget these 4 famous words.

    Thou Shall Not Judge!

    Your situation reminds me of the old bumper sticker:

    "Dear God please save me from your followers"

    Wishing you love and light,

  18. Lolalee

    Lolalee New Member

    When I was first diagnosed with FMS I went to Wednesday night service at my church and I asked the small group present to pray for me about this diagnosis. They made a circle with me, held hands and prayed. As I was leaving, a couple who had prayed with me stopped me and told me essentially the same thing that your sister said. That I should deny FMS and that it was from Satan. I was confused because at that time I was finally glad that I had a name for all the terrible symptoms I had been feeling for so long.

    Since that time I have attended many healing services and have also had numerous Christians pray for me. I've had people tell me that I need to get "tougher" with the enemy, that I don't have enough faith, that God has healed me and that I should not read about FMS or CFIDS or do anything that will make me identify with the "lie" of this illness.

    It hurts when people say these things and in the past I have to admit that it has cast doubt on the strength of my faith. But, you know what, not one of these people had or has FMS or CFIDS. Not one of them is "walking in my shoes".

    Unfortunately, the thing that you end up doing is the thing that you least want to do. That thing is that you isolate yourself from those people who hurt you with their words. Either you isolate yourself or you just lie to them and say that you are feeling fine.

    I know that it is not God's will that I be sick, but I am convinced that He is using it to mold me into a better person and to bring Him glory. I am a much better person now than I was when I was healthy.

    As others here have said, it is a mystery. We don't have the answers and those that think they do have the answers are wrong. They are misguided.

    Bless your sister and pray for her. Tell her that you don't want your differences to affect your relationship but what you need from her the most is her love and support. You are not giving in to this illness but you are coping with it the best way you can and that God is guiding you every step of the way.

    Many blessings from one who knows exactly how you feel,

  19. dejovu

    dejovu New Member

    I left you a note on the worship board. Hope your doing OK.Bless your heart. De
  20. mrpain

    mrpain New Member

    Even Paul had a thorn in his side that God wouldn't heal. God wanted Paul to rely on him so he said "My grace is sufficient for thee"...

    And in our time we have Joni Erickson who broke her neck and became a quadrapalengent....(mis-spelled).
    I saw her at a Billy Grahamn crusade praising God and admitting she doesn't understand fully why God won't heal her, but knows God will use it for His glory..

    We can't see the big picture but God can,
    (even in our own illness.) He can heal if he so chooses, or heal us when we are called home for all eternity. This life is just a vapor, here today and gone tomorrow. Eternity is forever!

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