Chronic fatigue is ruining my life

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by synergy42, Jan 11, 2003.

  1. synergy42

    synergy42 New Member

    Dear people on the forum,

    I am a new user. Maybe somebody has some kind of suggestion, although I have heard so many.

    I do not have what my impression is of "CFS." I don't have the flu-like symptoms, for instance. But perpetual fatigue -- THAT I have.

    So I have 3 major disabilities: Bipolar disorder; osteoarthritis; and major fatigue. I am 60 years old, and alone in my apartment.

    I take medication for the first two.

    It's impossible for me to do all the things that need to be done, PLUS the political situation in the USA at present is such that I have gradually lost medical services, and now am losing more of them in a deluge. SSD increase this year has been 1.3% -- which is the second lowest since 1975!!!

    Today was the most exciting jam session of the year -- an annual one I have been looking forward to since last year: and I did not go. I was too tired.

    The good thing is that I run a weekly jam session,though. I play guitar, sing, and also mandolin and fiddle. But the trouble is that I get so unhappy not having people to jam with during the week, that I only play when there are other people around, which amounts to once or twice a week. So I am not getting much better. I should be a MUCH better player than I am.

    My house is too messy. I am not eating right. I live at the top of 23 very steep steps; I am trying to move, but this takes a lot of rigamarole, qualifying for this form of housing and that form of housing, etc etc. I think I want to live someplace where the people take meals together. But my appetite is low. I hate cooking for myself, and don't have the stamina to shop, plus the little store a block away closed last week. I may not have the money to get my groceries delivered anymore -- then what?

    I'm totally at sea.

    I try, try, try to get a group of women together to help each other with these basic things, but nobody else is interested. I find th is utterly amazing. But it's true. people are so individualistic. The only thing I do right is jam. It keeps me happy -- once a week. I also send jam emails.

    Any suggestions would be very welcome, particularly HOW TO FIND A GROUP OF FRIENDS. The only so-called suport groups in my city are (1) very far away; (2) not real support groups; they have "speakers" and don't just sit and visit and talk together and get to know one another, talk about what's going on in each other's lives that week and offer suggestions -- like what I consider a "real" support group I am used to.

    And, No, I am not able to start a group. I am throught with starting groups. I am absolutely burned out with leadership roles. I want to be a member, not a leader. I am too strained now to lead anything more.

    I know I sound like a pure dud at the moment, and I am. Sometimes I am cheerful, but I am writing at a very low ebb. I have been asleep for over 24 hours.

    Hope someone can offer some assistance to me.

    Grumbling and sad, wasting away at 60 after a long and colorful life,

    synergy 42
  2. synergy42

    synergy42 New Member

    Denice, what a sweetheart you are, to write me back so fast!

    Yes! It does help me to play by myself. But why can't I even start? There is something that says "if I start, I will get more tired and worn out, both physically and emotionally."

    And I know what you mean about looking back. Yes! I, too, was a superwoman. I was the fastest thing on two wheels. I was not only a brilliant thinker, I was a good worker. The only problem was that I was bipolar and flew into rages and deep, sobbing depressions. (Just things little things....LOL) So, now I do not do those things anymore.

    I had chronic fatigue even when I was younger. I did hide all that from the world at large, as well as I could. But I guess I didn't do such a great job, because it was hard for me to hold down a job, or 3 husbands!!! LOLOLOL ROTFL Actually, I dumped all 3. They were worse than me.Very abusive.

    So, looking back, I was super woman in a lotta ways, and witch woman in a lot.

    Now, I am easy to get along with -- hallelujah!! I am very proud of this. People like me -- but sometimes I doubt this because I still don't have my circle of women friends.

    I am looking for a home church, or some sort of religious fellowship. I know this would be my lifesaving place, but I do not have the stamina to hunt.


    PS snore -- back to sleep....see you Sunday.

    [This Message was Edited on 01/11/2003]