Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by shari1677, Mar 20, 2009.

  1. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    I was at a baby shower Friday night. I overheard a conversation in which someone's sister had FM (this person did not know me and did not know I had it). She said she was angry with her sister because she kept asking her to go to the store for her.

    She said that her sister lived across the street from the store and "nobody can be that tired that they can't go across the street".

    I sat there and thought - yes, someone can be too tired to go across the street - ME ME ME ME - most of the time too!!

    [This Message was Edited on 03/21/2009]
  2. lynncats

    lynncats New Member

    Boy oh boy, I don't think I could have kept my mouth shut. I have days where I don't think I can make it to my own mailbox. People need to keep their mouths shut, unless they have walked in our shoes they have NO CLUE!!

    Take care!!
  3. spacee

    spacee Member

    Pathetic that the well one doesn't any compassion. V. Sad. Tells a whole lot about what the sick sister is going through.

    If you can get her phone number, I will be glad to speak to the well sister...

    [This Message was Edited on 03/21/2009]
  4. Shananegans

    Shananegans New Member

    I definitely wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut. There was two years of my life when I wouldn't have made it to my mailbox either and my mailbox was attached to my porch! People should really think before they speak. You never know who you might offend. Being in pain all of the time is exhausting and it's unfortunate that people just don't understand that.
  5. vivian53

    vivian53 Member

    It would have been hard for me to keep quiet too. It seems that most of us have had the "I just can't cross the street it will hurt too much and take too much energy" feelings. Before I had FM it might have been hard for me to conceive of but I hope I would have had much more compassion than the sister.

    It has been said so many time before but I think the old "walk a mile in my shoes" type of empathy is so needed with these invisible diseases. Ok, so maybe the "walk mile..." <g> expression isn't quite appropriate for us, but you know what I mean.


  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    It's ignorance like this which can really make us angry. Unfortunately, if we are to educate people, we can't do it when we are angry. We have to practice being able to respond in a caring way. Perhaps starting out with sympathizing with the woman who made the comment. How about, "Bless your heart for helping out. I know it can't be easy for you." Then follow up with, "...but I'll bet your sister really appreciates the help. You see, I have the same illness and there are days I have absolutely no energy. I know how much I appreciate the kindness of my family members in helping out when I'm sick. Ours is a strange illness. We can be relatively normal one day and not be able to get out of bed the next. You will never know how much you are helping by being so kind."

    Kill 'em with kindness and educate them at the same time. You could even suggest how helpful it is when family members learn more about FMS.

    Love, Mikie
  7. stschn

    stschn New Member

    We do need to speak out but not in anger. A ME/CFS friend asked me the other day how it was that I don't often have to deal with the DARK DAYS. I told her it was because I spent the first 19 years with this DD so Pi---d off that I didn't have the energy to be depressed. With the help of Dr. Montoya and having a doctor who hears and believes me and has given me some recovery the anger has gone away. I'm sure it wasn't healthy for me anyway. So now I educate uninformed people in a sweet and kind way (and hope they can't read my real thoughts!)
  8. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    There are many times when I have to go my apt building's office, which is across the street. It nearly kills me. By the time I get to the building, I can't breath and feel like I'm about to black out. I have a really hard time with it. When I come back, I end up sick for two days from the walk. I really feel it fatigue wise the next day. And I don't know how much longer I can do it. The old people here and even the ones on disability for other things have no trouble at all walking over there. I'm 39 years old and I can't do it.

    Most days, I cannot get my mail and that's just getting in an elevator to the lobby. I can't do it. Between the light and sound sensitivity and the NMH/POTS lightheadedness, I have to wait for days until I get a day when I feel I can go down and get the mail.

    No one understands, especially since I don't look sick, just overweight. People don't get that I'm overweight because the disease won't let me exercise. They will never understand.
  9. nixon

    nixon New Member

    keeping my mouth shut!! I probably would have said something like "Until you've actually walked in her shoes, You should not be SO QUICK to judge"!!

    One day that lady maybe in a similar situation, and hopefully will get to k now what it feels like.......not to be able to even get out of the house for weeks at a time. Andrea