This weekend really put some things in perspective for me. Last year, the first weekend of October, I was entered in a Rally Obedience show with my Golden Retriever, Rey. We qualified and received our first ribben for 3rd place. I had a wonderful time and had planned to keep training and going to shows with my sister. I had given up on agility training a couple months before because it was two physically demanding. Rally is simply walking with the dog and doing the tasks on the signs along the way. Saturday I went to the same show with my sister to watch her with her dog. I no longer practice with Rey. I no longer enter shows. And I no longer feel able to go to the shows. This is the only show I went to this year and only because my sister picked me up so I didn’t have to drive the 40 miles to get there. Just one year ago I had energy and much less pain. I enjoyed the show, walked all around the park, we even went down the day before to get the dogs used to the activity and walked all over the place that day, too. Other than a few sore muscles I had no problems afterward. We parked a long way away, probably close to a quarter mile, and walked to the show rings, back to the van for lunch, and back to the show rings again. This year was so different. It really brought home to me what this DD has stolen from me. We parked within 50 yards of the ring. My DS and her partner brought me a chair and set it up for me under a tree beside the show ring. I brought a little folding gardener’s stool that I carried with me everytime I left my lawn chair. If I had to wait somewhere I sat on the stool. I just can’t stand up very long. My sister slowed her walking pace to equal mine and held my arm while we walked. I’ve always been the strong one, the one who helped her physically and emotionally. Not anymore. While visiting with others at the show, I sat on my stool. While waiting in line to get a burger, I sat on my stool. Even while my sister bought bones at a vendor’s booth, I sat on my stool. I feel like I have lost so much. Yesterday I spent most of the day in bed. Today my left hip, thigh and leg are in horrible pain. I can’t even think of a superlative that describes it. I’m sitting in my office waiting for 12 so I can take another pain pill. I was awake most of the night because my leg hurt so bad. So, I’m sitting here in my office keeping busy and trying to keep my mind off the pain. It’s not working and I am crying in pain. I even took aspirin in the hopes that it would have some effect. Nothing. I feel so lost right now. I know I will feel better and I know so many of you deal with this feeling everyday. It's just that today I am feeling all this DD has stolen from me. Between that and the pain I am just not dealing well. You are the only people I can tell. The only ones who understand. Thank you for listening. Hugzz Greenbean Stop and smell the puppies!