Completely lost and lonely

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by jubilee25, Jan 1, 2009.

  1. jubilee25

    jubilee25 New Member

    Hi Everyone!

    Happy New Year! Brand new to the board and hoping I can make some friends, get advice, and support. I have been severely depressed for the last two months it has greatly affected my body, spirit, memory, confidence, you name it.

    It is kind of complicated what brought on my depression, but I will try my best to explain it.

    I have been working in the non profit sector helping the community for the last 3 years in different capacities. The last job I took was an amazing opportunity but it was bigger than me. It was stuff I've never done before and the program I was running had a lot of issues going into it and many in the community knew it wasn't truly functional...Long story short, I couldn't take the pressure and my body shut down...I would just stare at my computer and couldn't work...I tried reaching out to my boss who came on after it was too late and I had already started shutting down. So I had to take care of myself and I gave one week notice....I couldn't even make it two weeks.

    Because I needed money I decided to apply for a teller position at a credit union I worked out before going to college. So returning there was awkward, I didn't expect to be but it is. People questioned why I was there....and I am so alienated I got the part time job with the plan of volunteering and going back to school for perhaps a change in career. However, before I started this position I got even more depressed b/c I've realized what a mess I've made of my life. I went to school for 7 years and now I'm working as a teller, b/c of my fragility I can barely remember a conversation I had yesterday. My memory is poor and my ability to take in new information is extremely difficult.

    I am so lost because I unfortunately made the huge mistake of identifying myself with my work...while I was working I didn't take the time to cultivate any hobbies to help soothe myself i.e. I used to hang out with friends, go to concerts, yoga, those types of activities.

    After my depression started, I isolated myself from my friends, b/c I'm not the same person they think I am. I used to be very outgoing, now I can barely string a sentence. I'm not motivated to go to the gym, or take care of myself, because I feel so lonely and low. I don't know how to tell people why I'm working as a part time teller. And now I don't know what I'm going to do for a career because I don't really have any transferable skills nor the confidence to interview. Also my references are limited b/c I left my job suddenly and shut out my friends.

    I know I've made some bad decisions and now the consequences have set in and I honestly don't know what to do.

    I got on anti depressants about two weeks ago....and enrolled in a two week intensive psychiatric program for 3 hours a day where they teach you classes on positive thinking and you see a psychiatrist. I can't believe how far this is gotten. I used to be a positive person. I want to be grateful but I'm so numb and in pain, I'm immobilized.

    The irony is I contemplate seeking community resources to help me with job skills or mental health issues but I used to work in the field and receiving services would be tough. I know I sound prideful...

    I lost a purpose in life...everything feels really bleak. I don't have children, I wish I did. I don't have a big family or support system. I'm grateful for my mom who has tried her best to help but its draining her. And my boyfriend has been so patient. I haven't wanted to go out at all since this because I don't have anything to say when I go out. I am not in touch with current events or anything going on because of my shut down.

    Thanks for reading and I welcome any advice.
  2. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    I responded to this same post on the Depression Board