Concerned people saying the wrong things..Any kind comments?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Tweldis, Jan 21, 2003.

  1. Tweldis

    Tweldis New Member

    I am always having people saying stuff like: Wow, you look so much better than you did yesterday or Are you feeling o.k.? It seems to happen on days when I'm doing pretty good. It gets discouraging after awhile. The comments are always about my appearance. I always have my make-up on and my hair fixed. It's not like I walk around unkept...Any suggestions on how to be funny, but turn the table on them at the same time?

    Thanks!!
    This could be a fun post....
  2. sofy

    sofy New Member

    I''m confused. What is the wrong thing being said? Certainly you dont want them to tell you that you look like he==.
    Do you feel their comments are really a statement that they dont think you are ill or that you dont look better than yesterday. What is it you would want them to say.
    You could say you are the queen of the yo yo club or Yup, I work real hard to make the packaging hide the defective goods, but actually I am having a pretty good today and I'm so glad it shows.
  3. coyote

    coyote New Member

    I read this as the frustration that a lot of us go through when people who don't know what this DD is really like make well meaning comments about this INVISIBLE disease. I admit to being sensitibe to this also.
    Most days I don't feel good, looking good or not, and its' a hard thing to get people to understand. Most of the time I don't bother.
  4. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Believe I understand what you are saying here. I was having a problem with family and friends with the; 'You don't look sick', or you must be having a good day, you look great!

    Well, I did honestly get tired of the 'you look good thing', so I found out how to reply to them, and it did stop the whole thing with people who know me well.

    I started telling them this; 'It is not my LOOKS that I have a problem with, its my BODY!'.
    Now, they will simply say that I look nice, they like what I am wearing, my hair looks great, etc. BUT they drop that 'attitude' about the sick part!

    Like you, no matter how bad I feel, I get up, comb my hair, wear clothes that match, even at home alone, no matter how bad I do feel. If I stayed in my robe, with my hair flying all over, I feel sicker than I am.
    I am just one of those people! My husband laughs at me, I even have to have my robe, slippers and night clothes match, even if he is not home. Just a nut with clothes and colors I guess!

    I don't complain about my illness much to anyone, they don't have a clue anyway on how we feel.

    The only way they get anything out of me, is if I am asked to do something that I know I can't do without paying for it later.

    I will also ask for a better chair to sit on, or refuse to sit on those sofas that hit the floor when you sit on them!

    I will stand up, and simply say 'I have a bad back', can't handle that kind of chair or whatever it is.

    I don't like being patronized by a bunch of people who truly don't give a hoot how I feel anyway!

    Give this a try, it might stop all the negative comments that you don't like.

    Shalom, Shirl



    [This Message was Edited on 01/21/2003]
  5. fibolady

    fibolady New Member

    can't people just say "you look good today" and leave it at that. it must be some sort of power play on there part.(icon) don't play into it not matter what else they. answer,

    thank you
    or
    you look nice today too

    end of story,
    warm regards, fibolady
  6. JP

    JP New Member

    is probably pretty boring. I just say thank you. I work hard at staying clear of health related conversations and I encourage friends and family to respect my needs. If they have questions, I will offer what I can...and I will ask for help if I need help.

    take care,
    Jan
  7. dhcpolwnk

    dhcpolwnk New Member

    I've heard this sort of thing for years, first with my MS, and now with fibro. It got to the point where sometimes I really didn't mind if I looked bad, because at least I would look the way I felt. Most of the time, though, I wanted to look at least presentable. And the fact is that once I start interacting with people, I often start feeling better. So that might come out in the way I look, too.

    One thing I suspect, though, is that when people say we look better, it's partly genuine concern about us and partly an effort to relieve their own discomfort over not being able to make this bad thing go away. I'm sure I've been guilty of that myself--*wanting* somebody to be better so much that I take something that looks somewhat positive and allow it to convince me that this reflects an significant improvement or recovery. I also know that I do that in part for my own sake--so that I can ease the stress of my own anxiety about that person's health.

    I know it can be very irritating. (It happened to me just last Friday, with visiting relatives.) But I think if you can turn it around with a little bit of humor (as some others already have suggested), you might be able to ease your own discomfort as well as the discomfort of the people who make these comments.

    --Laura R.M.
  8. Tweldis

    Tweldis New Member

    Thanks for some of the suggestions. Sorry if I didn't make myself clear earlier. I suppose I get sick of people always talking about this illness in an indirect way. They feel like they HAVE to say something about this illness. People with illness's want to be able to get on with there lives as much as possible. I guess the flip side to all of this is if no one ever asked you how you felt or was concerned about you at all.
    I had a guy come up to me once and said," Do you have something wrong with you? Because you were looking so bad the other day, I asked my wife if you were sick or something."


    All to say: Thanks for the comments..It was fun!!
  9. jesuslover

    jesuslover New Member

    When I first quit work, due to fibro, I was embarrassed if I ran into a friend from work at a place of entertainment; mall, or craft show, etc. It does sort of bother me when someone says "you look so good" or like one person said to me after I had been off work for a year, "Are you STILL sick? It's been so long. Shouldn't you be better by now?"
    Like I should feel guilty because I can't work. I use a walker to get around due to a case of Peripheral Neuropathy as well as the fibro. I try to stay "up" and positive in dress as well as attitude, and if someone thinks badly of me for it, that is not my problem. I know what you mean, though, feeling like you have to corner somebody and explain everything so they believe you're sick because we don't look sick. I don't always know what to say to others who have chronic illness/pain either. Unfortunately, others can't feel our pain. I say "unfortunately" because it would be so great if there was a device that would allow doctors to feel exactly what I'm feeling because sometimes putting it into words can be difficult (even if I am a writer). I guess, we just listen to God and offer it up to Him if someone is rude or overly curious, etc.