confused

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by christel123, Jun 27, 2010.

  1. christel123

    christel123 New Member

    I have just realized and said "out loud" that I am depressed. This is new to me because usually I am the person at the social gatehring that gives everyone a good laugh with great conversation and smiles. My job is very fast paced with a lot of deadlines that I cant miss. I have been w my boyfriend for a year and half. he has 2 kids 1 boy (10) and 1 girl (14) so I think you can put that all together!! We live together he is a great guy and tries to be supportive w my career and the kids. The boy stays w us full time and his daughter comes and goes... but she always makes the days she is here hectic. I have finally said I can't bend over to make her happy. I have tried so much to communicate w her and build a relationship but that comes and goes as I knew it would.. I have noticed that my depression comes and I lose focus on my job duties and everything else. It has progressively gotten worse and I feel it is noticable now and it scares me. I have a concelor and I am seeing her tomorrow but I dont think I have been totally truthful w her from the start. I have always put up a tough girl act when I see her and kinda make her laugh but really I am scared to death. I am 34 years old and I am dating someone w kids that right there should scare anyone!! Besides that I am have been seeing myself over eating or craving all bad foods and I eat when I am not evern hungry. It comforts me to eat. I haev put on about 50 pounds in the past 6 years and I have started dieting and stoped hundreds of times. Thats depressing too... not blaming anyone for my problems because I am a firm believer we all create our destiny by one choice or another.. but I have realized that my eating habits and happy, sad, hyper not so hyper have been a couple of degrees higher than usual. I have lost interest in hanging out w my friends and when I get like this drinking makes me feel better. My father is an alcoholic so I am always scared of becoming one. I am just all over the board right now even in this conversation I am trying to write so much to say and I dont know where to turn??
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the board.

    This one site has several message boards. You may want to visit the depression
    board. The chit chat board is a good place to visit to unwind.

    In addition to therapy, what else are you doing to fight back against depression?
    Meds? Support group? I think you already realize you need to get that aggravating
    daughter out of your life.

    Read my profile. (Click on my name above.) May be some modalities you would like
    to try for yourself.

    Good luck
    Rock
  3. stick2013

    stick2013 Member

    Depression is tough to deal with. I have PTSD and have most likely had it for 46 years, out of my 56 years.....So depression has become part of my life. It's a battle, one that takes tons of work. For me it comes and goes, but never leaves. It's always there to a degree.

    It sounds to me like you might be experiencing situational depression, due to the relationship with your boyfriend. I suggest that you be honest with your therapist, and be honest with yourself. Regain your life, and start making decisions based on you, and what you want out of life. No one can make them for you, and you are the only one that is going to take care of you. No one else can do that for you.....
  4. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Depressives have a real talent to put on a mask for the world and not show their real face of depression. You do that so well at work and you're not alone in doing that. But the mask doesn't resolve the depression and it keeps you from revealing the real you--not the depressed you but the real person you are.

    I haven't heard you say anything negative about the boyfriend and his son, just about his teenage daughter. She brings out a reaction in you that may possibly trigger something long held deep inside of you that starts the depression. That's a good reason to be in therapy to find out, but please don't give up on your boyfriend and his kids. When you bring a significant other's kids into the living relationship with you and their Dad, that's something to not take lightly and know that these kids probably are carrying some hurt with them from living with other women. These kids are looking at you as a significant person in their Dad's life and wondering if you are going to "walk off" too. Walking off sends a really rough message to the teenage daughter and she'll always think you left because it was her fault--she may feel that her Dad's other relationships failed because of her and thus she distances herself from women in his relationships.

    The therapist doesn't care if you are the tough girl and can make her laugh--the sad part is that you're paying money to make her laugh and that is depressing in itself. Go to a Comedy Club if you want laughs and you can earn sometimes $10 or $20 a night and not have to pay to perform. You have to stop playing this role now with the therapist because it's not successful, it's not helping you at all and it's not you. You need the help so that you can get to the real you and present the real you in work and elsewhere, and then perhaps start over with this teenage daughter.

    I wish you the very best and feel you can do all this. You already recognize so much and that's a great start. Hugs.

    [This Message was Edited on 06/28/2010]