Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by liz73, Jul 15, 2011.

  1. liz73

    liz73 New Member

    hi i am new to boards, and do not have a lot of time on my computer anymore. i have been married for 20 yrs, and 2 yrs ago my husband become disabled. he has a number of heart problems, and now has been diagnosed with diabetes, and now he can not take care of himself anymore. i have been doing all, plus working 40 hrs a week, and taking care of our 4 kids, even though my oldest is 17, and youngest 9.
    I just feel so confused, because at times i feel like i hate his disease, and i know that's not how i should feel! but, we can not do anything anymore together. he is on oxygen 24hrs day, and medication out the butt, that i keep track of, and sometimes it is like he is not even on the same planet as me! he starts talking about things i have no idea about, or even what he is talking about, or time frame he is in! Nobody seems to understand, but i feel real frustrated at times, i still love him, but i wish we could at least sleep in the same bed! he has a hospital bed he has to use.
    He has bouts with depression, that frustrate me so bad, i have to just walk away!
    I just needed to vent, have nobody to talk to, because people my age, do not wanna be around here because of my husband and mood swings. Thanks for listening, hope all have a good night.
  2. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    It sounds to me like you surely have a lot on your shoulders. It is late but I did want to pop in to tell you I am so sorry you are in this situation and that these boards is a good place to at least to do some venting and perhaps some help for some of your situations.

    I also want to tell you that we also have a depression board here that might be of help to you to talk to some suffering for tht awful problem. I donlt think I have actual depression but more like frustration from alal athis pain every day and little energy and trying to act like I am normal - whatever that is.

    Also, if you click on the person's screen name like mine you will hopefully get some info onthem that might be helpful to you when you are talking to them. I noticed that you haven't written much on your profile. If you put in some of your interests , etc. that might be helpful when we all talk to you too.

    Again, I am so sorry you have all these problems and your husband seems to have so many too. While you work do you have someone to watch your husband ? Sounds like he needs special care,not just for his physical problems also. Is he on meds for depression.? If so am wondering if he is on the right ones . He almost sounds like he has dementia but it could possibly be the meds to. If he doesn't sound like he is on the same planet as you said, he may need to be evaluated for new meds or just his mental situation . He sounds to young for dementia but one never knows. It could be his meds or lack of them.

    Working, 4 children and an ill husband and you being sick yourself is not an easy task. Come back any time and check out the Depressions and FM boards too. The Chit Chat boards we talk about almost anything.

    I think you need some hugs about now hon. Here is a big one for you. Goodnight sweetie (((((Liz))))) I am guessing that is your name from your screen name. Come back again when you can and good luck !!! Hope to hear from you again soon.

    There are many friendly and helpful people on here but don't get discouraged as the weekends especially are rather quiet a lot of the times on the boards.

    Blessings to you and your family,
  3. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I am so very sorry for all you have on your plate. We have a caregivers board here but it doesn't seem to get much use. I'm hoping others here can give you some help. All I can offer is support and prayers. Is there any community, church or social services help where you live? Also, it may be tough at first, but the kids are old enough to pitch in. This is a tragic situation but is also an opportunity for them to learn and grow.

    BTW, is your husband getting any treatment for his depression or just for his physical problems? It seems to me that the two go hand in hand and his docs should be referring him for therapy.

    There is a lot of wisdom on our boards and the people here are kind and sharing. I agree that our deppression board may be of some help. Best of luck to you and keep us informed about how you are doing.

    Love, Mikie
  4. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    I wanted to thank you for what you are doing for your husband. For some spouses of disabled, they find it easier to walk away, so I thank you and greatly appreciate that you have done so much and helped your husband through all this. You are a wonderful person and through all this and your husband knows you love him. You also have set an example for your children to help loved ones that become ill or disabled--that's another wonderful thing you have done that you probably haven't considered.

    It's okay to hate the disease because diseases are not kind. I personally look at depression as that giant alien roach from the movie Men in Black because sometimes it is easier to focus on something you can visualize--like that giant alien roach. I hate that roach and he represents depression to me. This is just a suggestion and something I use to help myself.

    I hope you will go to the Caregivers Board here because although it is not very active, IT CONTAINS A LOT OF RESOURCES TO HELP YOU. Caregivers burn out easily and forget they need to attend to themselves too. There is an article there about that.

    Also on the Caregivers Board, there are resources there (I believe on Page 2 or 3) THAT LISTS MANY SUPPORT GROUPS AND AGENCIES THAT YOU CAN CONTACT FOR HELP. The Area Agency on Aging is one of the good resources mentioned that you can contact, plus there are more. In fact, read through all the posts that have resources as they contain information that might end up helping you so much.

    You are becoming exhausted and could use any help at all. On the Caregivers Board is a post about things to help you and one is NOT TURNING DOWN HELP. Take help that you can get because it will give you that break.

    I now you posted to vent, but I'm glad you did. You reaffirmed for many that good people are still out there. I hope that maybe I helped direct you to resources that may provide more help for you and your wonderful family. Many, many hugs and prayers.
  5. liz73

    liz73 New Member

    thanks for your advice and answering me. no my husband is not on meds for depression, he says he not depressed!! but i think different, and i agree dementia sounds likely, but doctors have seen him this way and say and do nothing for it, and look at me like i am crazy when i do say something!! I feel like pulling my hair out on most days!! HE gets checked for his meds through blood tests and such every month, so i dont really know what else they could do! they have tried different meds, specially for his blood pressure, and diabetes, but it just got worse then! And ya some days i feel like i need a lot of hugs, so thank you!!!

    Have a good night, and thanks again for the advice, Grannie.
  6. liz73

    liz73 New Member

    Thanks for the advice, but my husband would argue that he not depressed!! Thus for i think his doctors just overlook it so they dont have to deal with it!!

    As for my kids, yes they are old enough to help, but i think they have some resentment towards me for asking for there help! I dont really understand, but i guess they gotta have someone to blame, and i guess i am the best choice.

    Thanks again for your reply and support.

  7. liz73

    liz73 New Member

    I will go to the caregivers board and check it out. And believe me, i have tried to get some help with my husband, but in our area they dont offer much help with his situation, because i do drive, and able to get him to all of his appointments even though that meant me taking a lot less paying job, cuz i could not be a manager of a restraunt any more and deal with him, and everything i have to do here to keep things running as normal as possible for my kids and him.

    You are also correct, i dont ever do anything for me anymore except things that have to be done, like grocery shopping and such. But i do thank you for all your advice. thank you also for thinking i am a good person, because some days i feel like i am awful for being to tired to do things with my kids, or do something that my husband needs done, or thinks he needs done right at that moment, and i snap when i know i should not at times. So thank you.