hi i am new to boards, and do not have a lot of time on my computer anymore. i have been married for 20 yrs, and 2 yrs ago my husband become disabled. he has a number of heart problems, and now has been diagnosed with diabetes, and now he can not take care of himself anymore. i have been doing all, plus working 40 hrs a week, and taking care of our 4 kids, even though my oldest is 17, and youngest 9. I just feel so confused, because at times i feel like i hate his disease, and i know that's not how i should feel! but, we can not do anything anymore together. he is on oxygen 24hrs day, and medication out the butt, that i keep track of, and sometimes it is like he is not even on the same planet as me! he starts talking about things i have no idea about, or even what he is talking about, or time frame he is in! Nobody seems to understand, but i feel real frustrated at times, i still love him, but i wish we could at least sleep in the same bed! he has a hospital bed he has to use. He has bouts with depression, that frustrate me so bad, i have to just walk away! I just needed to vent, have nobody to talk to, because people my age, do not wanna be around here because of my husband and mood swings. Thanks for listening, hope all have a good night.