Constantly worry about dying

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by JaciBart, Dec 11, 2002.

  1. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    I am such a worrier anyway, I fret 24/7, always have, the only time I ever had relief from it was when I was on benzo's for 12 yrs, I was so incredibly productive in those years, now I find myslef worrying about dying, all the time, I am at peace with the fact that in some ways it would be a relief, I can understand how my Mom felt when she got a terminal diagnosis with lung & brain cancer, my whole life has been traumatic. The problem I have is my hubby & son, my marriage has only been since Dec 01 but my hubby & I are so close, he was a 38 yo never married never even had a relationship and the moment we met he knew I was the one he had been waiting for. Took me a few weeks but we are truly soulmates and the nephew I am raising as my son is only 8.5, had him since he was 4. It just breaks my heart to think of how they would get thru it, Scott is the most loving of men and Cody, my son needs a Mom and a Dad of course. My problem is I know they will get over it if it were to happen but the worrying over it is just making my illness so much worse. I don't think it is an option to go back on a benzo as I had such a hard time getting off of it, in the middle of getting off of it was when my hubby had his trauma & I got this dd. My last benzo was July 1 this yr. I am on zoloft already and it does help me but does not work anywhere near as well as librium did.

    Jaci
  2. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    I am such a worrier anyway, I fret 24/7, always have, the only time I ever had relief from it was when I was on benzo's for 12 yrs, I was so incredibly productive in those years, now I find myslef worrying about dying, all the time, I am at peace with the fact that in some ways it would be a relief, I can understand how my Mom felt when she got a terminal diagnosis with lung & brain cancer, my whole life has been traumatic. The problem I have is my hubby & son, my marriage has only been since Dec 01 but my hubby & I are so close, he was a 38 yo never married never even had a relationship and the moment we met he knew I was the one he had been waiting for. Took me a few weeks but we are truly soulmates and the nephew I am raising as my son is only 8.5, had him since he was 4. It just breaks my heart to think of how they would get thru it, Scott is the most loving of men and Cody, my son needs a Mom and a Dad of course. My problem is I know they will get over it if it were to happen but the worrying over it is just making my illness so much worse. I don't think it is an option to go back on a benzo as I had such a hard time getting off of it, in the middle of getting off of it was when my hubby had his trauma & I got this dd. My last benzo was July 1 this yr. I am on zoloft already and it does help me but does not work anywhere near as well as librium did.

    Jaci
  3. ssMarilyn

    ssMarilyn New Member

    Exactly what is it that you are afraid of? I used to worry all the time about dieing too, but finally found a way to get over it, thanks to my oldest sister. Now I just worry a little bit about HOW I will die, but not actually the dieing part. This is also part of anxiety disorder, which I have....sort of.... :)

    Marilyn :)
  4. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    Telling you not to worry about dieing is probably not going to help, but to be honest, worrying is not going to make it not happen, or make it happen!

    I had a friend that worried through her life from about the age of 22 that she was going to die. Well she lived to her 70's, and you know what?? She died a thousand deaths just because she was so fixated on that all her long life, she always cheated herself of so much happiness because of her fear!

    I have a firm belief in the Lord, and if I have any thoughts in that direction, I simply give them to Him, and ask for His peace in its place. It works everytime no matter how bad I feel.

    Hopefully someone else can help you here , you need to take one day at a time, we can't change the past, and we can't fortell the future. So the best solution for us is to simply live for the day.

    Take care, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for this, if you want.

    Shalom, Shirl,

  5. 1Writer

    1Writer New Member

    One of the many things I read on this board is about people who DON'T have support, and you DO! That is soooooooooo important and makes all the difference with these dd's. I am also fortunate to have a wonderful husband (with pain and problems of his own) that supports me and is there for me no matter what and I have 3 grown children (one who lives w/me along w/her husband and daughter), so I am truly blessed...so are you. You should not worry about dying...we're all going to die someday...it's living that's important right now. If you really are consumed with thoughts of dying, I think you need to talk to someone, your clergyman, a doctor, all of us here, anyone and possibly change your medication...I don't think the Zoloft is keeping you from being depressed. There are so many other antidepressants out there that work and you wouldn't have to go back on Benzo's...so, chin up and please talk to one of us on this board or to someone, and SOON! I'll listen, if noone else will..........

    1Writer
  6. pearls

    pearls New Member

    Fibromyalgia does not cause death. At least, not directly. By that, I mean people don't die from fibromyalgia or from chronic fatigue syndrome. If they don't get proper support or good medical care, they may not be getting proper relief from pain.

    Therein lies the danger. There are some people with uncontrolled, chronic pain who have committed suicide. Don't get into that situation! Get the medical care and what you need to control your pain. If that means changing doctors, do it! If you are depressed, get help for that. If one drug ceases to work for you, tell your doctor!
    There is no reason to die from this DD!
    [This Message was Edited on 12/11/2002]
  7. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    my love, I can truly understand your feelings and I KNOW that you are having situational depression due to your grief over Scott's illness as well as yours. I believe you worry about what will happen to your child if you and Scott WERE to die and I believe you feel so bad that you can't understand why this DD isn't fatal. You know, logically, that this illness will not kill you, but I think you secretly wish it would at times. I have been that way many, many times over the years. It does me no good to hear that I have a lot to live for, in fact it makes me angry and I find that it is the WORST thing someone can say to me~~I remember well thinking my babies would have a better life without a mother who was sick all of the time and I thought I would be helping them by comitting suicide. I found treatment that helped. It doesn't HAVE to be a benzo, OK? You HAVE to treat THIS problem, love, as it can damage lives other than your own.....Please tell the doctor about this tomorrow. Mine manifests by my having dreams about death; not just my own "pleasant and comfortable death", either, EVERYONE that I love is dying in these dreams, but their deaths are horrible and I wake up trying to scream.... You have plenty of causes for your depression and you know it. As a friend, I beg you to tell the doctor that you worry about death; this is a symptom because it is an unrealistic fear and you know it. I still think a lot about my death and I can honestly say that I wouldn't cry over it if I were to find out I was going to die tomorrow.....people HATE to hear me say this and I AM a Christian, but death is not a fear of mine. I have come close to death several times as a result of life-threatening conditions I have and it has just never frightened me, but I still dream about the death of my family and friends as a symptom of my depression when I am unsuccessfully treated. This needs treating and you need to talk this out with someone who can lead you in more healthy though processes. I care for you and want you to be well. Please do this......
    Love,
    Kady
    [This Message was Edited on 12/11/2002]
  8. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    and Kady, I am so glad to just hear that someone else actually sometimes thinks "please let the pain end" and I would not do anything at this point to end my life, not even a slight chance, I just hurt so bad inside emotianlly along with the physical pain, I see my doc next Mon, I will ask him to switch from zoloft to something else. Maybe add in wellbutrin, I was going to ask about neurontin anyway, mabye that will help.

    Shirl I would love to be in your prayers and just so you all know I pray every night for you all, I thank God for you guys, I honestly do not know how I would have gotten this far w/o you!

    Jaci
  9. Wreckless

    Wreckless New Member

    It couuld be that you are one of many people who have a part of thier brain that is overactive, and causes excessive worrying. I just recently watched a show on it, and could immediately identify with. I remember worrying all the time even as a small child. I have four children, and I have one that is clearly a worryier. He is also the one who's personality is most like mine. The show i watched said that it was thought to be hereditary, but it had not been proven yet. Unfortunately i can not remember the channel I saw it on, but I will watch for it to come on again. Even in the best of times, it always feels like the world is about to end to me. Even when I rationally know things are good, I worry about what might happen. You might ask if one or both of your parents are worriers.
    Rudy
  10. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    Mom died 9 yrs ago, Dad is who knows where, had many dads, last one since kinder thru high school, he molested myself & 3 sisters, I think living with that going on puts you at a high anxiety state (adrenaline) constantly and in my opinion that is why us victims are messed up emotionally, I will be asking my doc and I will be starting with a psych after 1st of yr, need benefits to kick in, only get 14 visits per yr and I used those up early on with fibro.

    Jaci
  11. homeskillet19

    homeskillet19 New Member

    Hi, it is nice to meet you!!!!!!!
    I know exactly what you are talking about, I have a great supportive family that love me so much as I them......so some people might think well you have it all enjoy it do not stess about it but you said something that made me go hmmmmmmmmm and that is you being molested, I was raised in a abusive family, molested by a family friend at the age of 12, ran awat from home at 13, raped at 25, got in a bad accident the next month and alot of dynamics in between and to top it all off at 26 I went into the bar my sister worked at and some guy read my palm and said I was gonna die at 36 oh my gosh that played a big part I was sure this drunk was right...I mean shoot everything else goes wrong in my life why not this, then I got MPS/Fibro when I was 28 and you know the symptoms we go through and all the darn doctors and years we go through before we get diagnosed well until I found the right doctor it was in my head yes this is it I am a gonner, well I found my doctor and got help and someone that said no it is not in your head this is what is wrong so the anxiety subsided alittle but it was always there, it stopped me from really enjoying myself and my family......oh my gosh I got a pain in my chest I know it is a heart attack and the worst thing was that I was to afraid to go to a doctor because I knew he was going to give me bad news, why not they always do!!!!!!!!
    Well I got really sick 2 years ago I caught a virus and it hit me so hard it collapsed my muscles and I had to learn to walk all over again amongst other things and yes my head was going the whole time.....this is it I am dying and the pain was so bad at times I wanted to die just to get rid of this pain , well I did it I went to the doctor and got all those test done that I knew what was wrong with me and guess what they all checked out great no problems and that got me to thinking I have wasted mt life thinking of the worst and not enjoying what life I do have and you got it I was 37 I didnt die I was still here!!!!LOL
    Then I went to a shrink and got some help with my anxiety and we talked and talked and talked and that helped so much!!!!!!!!
    Come to find out it happens to alot of us that have been molested young and we are waiting for the next big disaster because we know it will happen it always does it is a doomsday situation we put ourselves in......but as I got help with counseling I figured out some of it happened because of the choices I have made from being molested and being abused as a young girl(classic symptom of a child that has been abused and/or molested was trying to find someone to love me and to accept me it put me in some bad places)some just happened from being at the wrong place at the wrong time, not that god put me here just so he can find me and hit me with a bolt everyonce in awhile......I use to hate when we got tornado warnings I just knew it was going to hit my house , why not it always happens to meLOL
    And when one did oh my gosh I freaked out....that is when I got help, mentally, physically and spiritually and I am not saying at times I dont get those feelings but now I know how to overcome them and not dwell on them and now I have to stop letting that guilty little bug in my head for wasting so much time that I could of been living and I mean trully living and not waiting for the end to come!!!!!!!!
    I also moved out of the country(lived in a doublewide) and into a house that has a storm shelter so just in the off chance a tornado does come I am going to be safeLOL
    Get the book Fibromyalgia & Myofascial Pain Syndrome: A survival manual ....by: Dr devin Staranyl
    She explains alot of symptoms that these diseases carry with them and it helps to take away some of the anxiety.....get a doctor that you like and knows about these diseases and go see a shrink and talk about your feelings and get them validated it has helped me so much!!!!!!!!!
    Now I am 39 and I am looking forward to having grandbabies one of these days I am actually dreaming about them it is wonderful and it can happen to you!!!!!!
    Your friend,
    Denise
    P.S one thing that got me to get help was my son 15 at the time found a letter I wrote them you know when I die and he was white as a sheet and said mom is there something you need to tell me![This Message was Edited on 12/12/2002]
  12. lucky

    lucky New Member

    I went from Zoloft to Celexa - what a difference - unbelievable. Hope you find something which will help you and get you going for 1000000 more years. Take care, Lucky
  13. lisjhn

    lisjhn New Member


    I'm sorry to hear about what you are going through. I just started getting depressed from this DD so I'm going to my PCP tomorrow to get on something myself. Frustrating, huh....

    Did you say you just got married this Dec. 1st? If so, congrats.

    Not to make light of anything but in regards to worrying about dying.....sometimes I worry I won't die soon enough! Only when the pain gets bad, ha.

    Tomorrow will be a better day.

    ~LISA