Convincing the doc that I can't work...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by AnnetClo, Apr 24, 2003.

  1. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    Well like most of you, I have been a caregiver all my life, always putting others before me. And never admitting that I can't do something. Well that just might be working against me more than ever now. I'm still working full-time, in an office so it's not strenuous work, but it gets harder every day. I am just so tired and sitting for even 30 minutes causes such terrible pain in my lower back, hips and legs. I go to the conference room several times every day to lie down. But when I try to talk to the doctor he just doesn't seem to be listening. And I feel so guilty for even saying how bad I hurt. He justs say "uh huh, well let's just keep doing what we're doing". How do I make him understand how bad I feel? I don't want to do anything to jeopardize a disability claim down the road, but honestly some nights just thinking about getting out of bed the next day makes me cry, literally. Any suggestions?

  2. kellbear

    kellbear New Member

    Hello Annette,

    I am so sorry things are bad for you right now. I understand this problem completely. I have CFIDS really bad and FMS a little. I also work full time in an office. Although I am going to continue to push myself, I have been sick so long that I don't know if I will ever recover enough to feel like I am giving my job all that I need to. The worst part of it is what these illnesses have done to my mind. I am shooting for 2 more years of working and trying to get my symptoms under control. I have more better days than bad sometimes and other times I have two weeks of hell, which I had last week.

    I work in Human Resources as well, so I understand. first off I would start and apply for FMLA. Tell your doctor that some days you are good but other days you are not and you don't want to jepordize your job but you want to allow your body to heal too. FMLA allows you 12 weeks a year. You can use these one day at a time or all 12 at once. You will need to get your doctor to write you a note explaining your illnesses and how they may effect your job. Also, do you have private dissability insurance through work? You may want to check into taking some time off to focus on healing. I have noticed that the more I push myself at work, the slower I heal and more frequent my flares are; however, I am not at a point where I will consider taking any dissability time.

    Let me know if you have any questions
  3. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    I had forgotten about FMLA (brain fog, you know)so I will ask about at my next doctor's appt. But we don't have disability insurance so it would definitely be without pay. But even so, it would probably be worth it to rest for a while. And you know, I think I'm still in denial cause I keep thinking, well, you know, you can probably get a handle on this. And I truly hate the thought of feeling like this the rest of my life, but nothing is helping. I walk 2-3 times a week but I pay for every step I take. I just don't know what else to do. Hubby has end stage renal disease and is on dialysis 3X a week and he feels better than I do. And knowing that is just an extra guilt trip. If he can work and function with ERD, why can't I do it with FM? This is just one of those weeks when life sucks.

  4. JP

    JP New Member

    What about State Disability? I am on State right now. It's my account that I pay into. The funds that I am recieving are from my earned wages over the years.

    As for your Doctor, you could just tell him you need a break from work right now, period! He does not live in your body.

    I was also thinking that you may wan't a study of your back and hips, MRI, CT, X-rays. It may be more than the FMS/CFS.

    Hang in there...Jan
  5. kellbear

    kellbear New Member

    I think these illnesses are just so complex, causing such a horrible array of symptoms that it is hard for people to understand. I had a dear friend of mine who died of cancer a few years ago. She had CFS as well, and she said that she would much rather have all the pain and problems of the cancer than living 15 years with the CFS. Now that tells you something.

    I would develop a good relationship with your doctor and start writing everything down. Start a pain diary. I call mine the "Flu diary" because I feel like I have the flu all the time. Every doctors visit go over your symptoms and your diary with him. Tell him that you would like to have a note stating that you may miss some time now and then from work due to the symptoms of the illness and apply for your FMLA.
  6. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    my deal is I have never been able to let people know how I really feel. Like I have to be pleasant and cheerful all the time. He comes in and smiles, asks how I am and I never get the courage to say, I feel like crap! It's almost like I'm afraid if I complain too much or start crying (like I really want to do sometimes)he'll think of me as a problem patient. You know that "I gotta please everybody" syndrome. Even when I'm in the very worst pain ever, it's hard for me to tell anyone. I don't want to be a burden. I know this is wrong and as a nurse I would certainly counsel a patient to speak up, but it's just how I was raised. I suffer in silence. I guess it's a good thing this doc believes in fibro and knows the pain it can cause or I would still be seeing doctors who prescribed Celebrex or Zoloft and thanking them and going on my way with no relief whatsoever. God, I hate this mess.

  7. layinglow

    layinglow New Member

    Just last nite, I read alot of the articles here at immune support dealing with disability...under the purple tab at top of page. There are some very good recommendations from
    Scott E. Davis, a social security and long-term disability insurance attorney, on the very subject of dealing with your doctors in preparation and later disability decisions. You might want to read his suggestions, I thought they were very good, and obviously with his experience very sound. His articles all helped in making me realize how not to jeopardize latter decisions, and steps that are beneficial, especially the portion about dealing with Doctors.

  8. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    I'll take a look at those. Thanks for your help.
  9. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    I just noticed that on one of my posts here I spelled my own name wrong. Is that a fog or what!!!! ROTFLMAO

  10. EllenComstock

    EllenComstock New Member

    Hi, Annette:

    I am guessing that before you see the doctor you are taking pain medication. Try not taking your pain medication. I know it's hard when you are suffering, but then maybe your doctor will see you when you are at your worst. If you normally wear makeup, don't. Anything to make him realize how bad it is getting for you and to look as bad as you can. I understand that it's hard to sometimes talk about how bad it is. I have this problem, too, but am getting better about talking about how I feel. Some of us are afraid of coming across as chronic whiners, but this doctor should understand FM. You know what they say, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I think as women we are programmed not to do this and to be the caregivers of the world. I think the suggestion of keeping a pain diary is good. When my husband and I went to a FM conference in Cincinnati in March, they suggested doing this, too. So I have started it. I just have to remember to write in it everyday!

    I am still working full-time, so I can certainly understand how hard it can be some days. Fortunately, today is a good day, but some days I think quitting time will never get here.

    As a last suggestion, if none of the above works, maybe switching to another doctor will help. I can't remember if your post said you were seeing a doctor who is specializing in FM. If not, check the doctor info on this site.

  11. kar1953

    kar1953 New Member

    I too have a problem telling my doc just how bad it is. I start crying-am very emotional-especially when I'm feeling bad. Wish I could take my husband (hate to ask him to miss work) - he'd tell all!! So I decided to take my diary with me the next apt. & if I can't say the words I'll let him read my diary. At least that way he'll know how I feel.

    Just a suggestion for you.....Kathi
  12. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    I usually see the doctor after work but maybe switching to a time when I don't have to wear "business" clothes would be better.
    The doc I see is a GP who doesn't specialize in FM although I know he has several FM patients but my diagnosis was made by a rheumatologist. A rheumy that didn't know squat about FM mind you. I wonder if I should try to make an appt with a rheumy if I'm thinking about disability. Can you win a claim with a GP only?
  13. AnnetClo

    AnnetClo New Member

    I've suggested to other people on this board to keep a pain diary and I've started one several times. I just don't always remember to write in it or I feel so darn tired and hurt so bad when I get home at night that I just don't even bother. And another thing, I'm such a perfectionist that I think I have to write and rewrite and check spelling and grammar. It's a major undertaking to try and write a paragraph about how I feel. But I do think it's important so I will start again. Thanks for the suggestion.

  14. david_olenick

    david_olenick New Member

    I suffered from shoulder pain so bad that I couldn't sleep . I went to the dr. and he gave me that lousy naprox and liniment. The next time, months later, I took a piece of sheet and made a strap to put my arm in. right away he gave me darvocette and tranxene. I had immoderate relief.
    You just can't be honest with dr.s. Once they get their script pad and pen, they stop learning and start making money. I am very cynical but in your case I can see that what you call honest is working against. you are probably going to have to quit working. I had the same symptoms you have and i couldn't take it anymore. I have to rest when i have to , no choice.
    try 90 micrograms of T3 or 3 tablets of armour thyroxin. It's worked wonders for me.
    good luck
    [This Message was Edited on 04/24/2003]