Coping with friends & family responsibilities - HOW?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by butterfly83, Nov 4, 2005.

  1. butterfly83

    butterfly83 New Member

    How do you guys cope with the responsibilities you have to your friends and family members?

    I'm having a really hard time lately trying to keep up with everyone's expectations. I know people are just being nice, and its nice that they want me around and included in their lives, but certain times (like now, when I've been flaring for a few months) its really difficult to keep up with doing 'normal' things. Long car trips, long days, sometimes even SHORT trips are just out of the question. My body just completely shuts down, I get sick (naseous, shakey, weak, and in a lot of pain), and have to cut the trip short anyway. So if I have to say no i'm dissapointing people, and if I say yes when i'm really not up to it, something happens and the day can't go as planned. Again - dissapointing. It's just really hard to cope with dissapointing other people, AND myself because i would really like to be normal.

    How do you cope with these normal people things that you just can't do?
  2. 57Wagon

    57Wagon New Member

    butterfly83 the life style changes have been hard for me also. I'm now learning to say no, you have to look after number one or you will pay big time as you know.
  3. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    You couldn't even do that if you were healthy! I know because I have lived most of my life trying to do that, and it just doesn't work...it makes me crazy and it has probably contributed to my general health at this stage of my life.

    So, as one who knows, please try to consider how you are feeling and making it as important as others. Now, I know that sounds selfish...that's what I think when I do this myself. But, if I don't, I can't really help anyone...I can less meet people's needs and expectation let alone get better.

    So, adjusting your schedule to accomodate your physical health is really necessary. Please consider yourself. You are very important and your mental state is also very important. If you continually disappoint yourself by doing things you really can't do right now, it seems it will only cause everything to be worse.

    Just take care of you! That doesn't mean to ignore everyone else; just count yourself as equally important. Look up " Letter to Normals" which is written to tell our family and friends what we live with each day. It is on this board.

    Hugs,
    Sue
  4. orachel

    orachel New Member

    I'm in the same boat...hate to dissapoint people, but when I give in and do something I shouldn't, I'm unable to participate the way I would like, and my family ends up having to cut it short to accomodate me, or change their plans in some way...then I end up stuck in bed for days recovering!

    I know "just say no" is VERY hard to do!!! I feel wretched doing it! I used the "spoon theory" posted here (just do a search for it and print it out) to explain my limitations to my friends and family...

    It really helped them understand. I've basically made it clear that I can't plan much of ANYTHING in advance with any sort of confidence of how I'll be feeling that day, or what I might be "up to doing"....So, If I'm feeling really bad (as it is sooo much of the time), my husband will take my stepkids and do whatever we were going to do as a family...Ie: to a movie....then when they get home, the kids spend and hour or so talking over each other trying to tell me how the movie was, what their favorite part was, and then my husband gets a break while they're chatting with me.

    It's not that you CAN'T participate, or CAN't help...you just do things waay differently than you used to. The kids don't remember that I wasn't at the movie, because they still got to share the experience with me....

    Now the only thing I have yet to figure out is RSVPing for a wedding! Friend of hubbys from work is marrying...I think we'll have to decline just because no telling if I'll be up to even dressing up and sitting quietly in a church then a chair at the reception....so we'll decline, send a nice card...and the day of, if we're up to it, we can still go to the SERVICE for the wedding itself (though not to the reception...never ever show up unexpected to someone's wedding! LOL).

    Don't know if any of this helped you or not...but the bottom line is that You Will NOT be able to participate as you used to...but that doesn't mean they cannot be a part of your life. Use the "spoon theory"..worked for me, worked for a bunch of people I know...

    Hugs,
    Rachel