Crashing and Crying

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by greatgran, Aug 12, 2010.

  1. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Am I the only one when if a bad flare or crash just wants to cry.. knowing it won't help a thing.
    Seems like the smallest things bother me.. my emotions go into full force when the crash comes.

    I really try to keep a positive frame of mind, know this too shall pass and return but the tears come anyway. You would think after all these years I could accept deal with it..

    I have out of town company coming for the weekend and rather than think of this as a pleasant visit, as it always is I feel so darn bad I don't want company for a weekend.. One time in my life I would have been so excited.. Plus a lot of family issues..Oh, well thinks could be sooooo much worse..

    Thanks, needed to vent,
  2. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    You are not the only one. I think there are times that you (me) just cry because I'm sick of it and also because I feel so darn crappy. Accepting it really has nothing to do with it. I can still be disappointed in the fact that I'm missing things, that sometimes I feel like life is passing me by etc.

    We're dealing with a lot both physically and emotionally - so I think that crying when things get tough is pretty normal sometimes. We're sad, we're sometimes mad, hurt, tired etc.....

    You're right, each day will pass. Hopefully the next day will be better, and the one after that, even better. I think that as long as I can keep myself from getting into a full blown funk, it's okay that I need to cry and do.

    I missed taking my son for his Senior pics last weekend.(beautiful outdoor area) We were all going to go out to dinner etc. afterwards. I just couldn't make it and I was so upset with myself. Of course my husband and my son were wonderful but it was ME. I missed something I'd been looking forward to ONE MORE TIME. Yep, I cried.
  3. Tizz

    Tizz New Member

    ...sometimes. For me it isn't always because of the INTENSITY of the pain - actually, I'm quite stoic about pain - it's the RELENTLESSNESS of the lower-level pain that gets to me most. And the other symptoms.

    Sometimes I just feel sort of overwhelmed.

  4. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Its a comfort to know that I am not the only one.. Jana so sorry you missed out with your son , oh how many times that has happened to me.. I am like a child crying cause I can't go...

    God Bless both of you,
  5. MsE

    MsE New Member

    No, you are not the only one. But I have found (and I think we've talked about this before) that a tiny bit of estrogen makes all the difference for me. Gets rid of that sudden urge to cry.
  6. MsE

    MsE New Member

    Well said, Jaminhealth! Focusing on what used to be instead of what is doesn't help a bit. Sometimes, though, we DO get fed up and it is difficult to keep a positive outlook.
  7. TigerLilea

    TigerLilea Active Member

    Happy Birthday! Hope you have a good one.
  8. quanked

    quanked Member

    I think when we get to our lowest points we are extremely vulnerable to our emotions. Crying is not a bad thing. I believe tthat there is physiological release when this happens but I can not explain what that is given I have forgotten.

    I wish that I could cry more. I get profoundly sad and tears come but the physical release does not come often. I blame it on Lexapro. I also do not greatly enjoy what I would have greatly enjoyed in the past. I made several trips to Europe a few years ago and I was amazed at my nonchalance. I still am. The trips were very hard on me physically and I was not able to do all I wanted to but the old me would have been so very delighted and thrilled to just go. I blame this on Lexapro.

    To me it makes sense that we would cry when we are brought to our knees one more time. I agree with jamin that dwelling on our plights is not necessarily useful. However, jamin has some social life. It sounds like it may not be all she wants but she has some. Some of us have zilch and not because we do not want more but because these dd's have stolen our lives completely. I learned through the years to be pleased with so much less than I thought I ever could. So I do not need a great deal but nothing gets so hard over time.

    I know what you mean about anticipating an event with joy. I know exactly what you mean. I put a lot of work into a job experience/opportunity for my 15 year old granddaughter. She will graduate after completing the 4 week program tomorrow. I want to be there and will be but I know what it will cost me and would rather not go. I am not anticipating this event with joy as I might have once but this is so important to her on so many levels that I must be there for both of us. I hate this.

    Most of the time I (if constant demands are not placed on me) I manage to have a balanced attitude about the life I have to live. I find moderate joy in simple things around me. I can find good in most anyone although my exposure to others is now limited. I do okay given the situation. But, like you, when I spiral down I usually end up in tears at some point and feel totally overwhelmed with my situation. I also question how long I can continue life as it is. Thank the heavens that this state of mind passes.

    So know that you are never alone in this. I am not sure that reaching these states are so useless (not that I want to have them mind you). I believe they have a purpose. This is a topic for another thread that some might find difficult.

    Venting is good.
  9. Wireless

    Wireless New Member

    After crying enough I feel relaxed and able to rest. I think I read it depletes neurotransmitters and then the body creates a flood of new ones and balances it nicely for you. In addition getting rid of stress hormones.

    I do feel very silly sometimes. Because it feels like a waste of time and energy sometimes. I guess it's just part of this DD or anyone with a lot of life stress should cry.

    "The reason people will frequently report feeling better after a well-placed cry is doubtless connected to the discharge of stress-related proteins(10); some of the proteins excreted in tears are even associated with the experience of physical pain, rendering weeping a physiologically pain-reducing process(8). Conversely, the state of clinical depression – in which many of the body's self-healing processes appear to "shut down," including, often, emotional tears – is most likely exacerbated by the tearless victim's inability to adequately discharge her pent-up stress. Psychologists refer to freely weeping as an important stage in the healing process. But although this notion may appear to be psychological in origin, involving the confrontation of one's own grief, it also just applies physiologically: crying can reduce levels of stress hormones. Rejuvenating!

    One major stress hormone released from the body via tears, prolactin, is found in much higher concentration in women's bodies than in men's. (This makes sense when you consider that the hormone is also implicated in the synthesis of breast milk.) (7), (10) Interestingly, prolactin appears to not only be secreted in tears but also to play a role in the formation of tears. Levels of prolactin in the body correlate positively with frequency of emotional crying(5); as a whole, women cry more often than men (perhaps four times as often, according to one study) and also have a whole lot more prolactin (60% more) (8)."

  10. quanked

    quanked Member

    Thanks wireless for finding and posting this very important info. One more reminder that our physical/emotional/spiritual/mental selves are intertwined and not separate entities unrelated to one another.

    Greatgran, you have many losses because of these dd's in addition to the losses that just seem to come with living. Each time one crashes one has to face the loss once more.

    For me, I sometimes think I go into denial when I experience a period where I can do more. It was not a couple of months ago that I thought, well if this keeps up perhaps I can consider working part-time someday. Now I wonder who did I think I was kidding. Now, I get so little done each day because of pain and extreme tiredness. I have been to that and this point so many times now. Just a bit of hope and I am off to the races planning a different life. Thinking about this brings tears to my eyes, and anger to my heart. How can one not grieve over the loss of most of life? Each time I struggle with whether to do something special I loose no matter what choice I make. Each event is a loss. If I go I have to recover later and I am not able to enjoy the event like a normal person. If I don't go then I do not get to participate in some important moments in my family's life. Or, I can put it another way--If I stay home then I remain in the state I am in at this point in time--physically nothing extra has to be out. If I go I gain the memory of the event. It is all in how I choose to view it. I usually try to take in all sides.

    Please be kind to yourself and marvel in your tears because they serve a purpose. There is a song by Seals and Crofts--We May Never Pass This Way Again--that is the title I think. Something about crying and laughing when the situation warrants on of the related emotions. Of course the way the they string the words together is much more evocative than mine but I always thought this sentiment was an accurate one. Beautiful music this group made.

    It is sad that we have to go through these most difficult times but it would be more sad if we were never able to move through these periods. Even with these dd's many of us remain fairly resilient. I guess that makes us pretty tough after all.
  11. pauladiverspain

    pauladiverspain New Member

    Hi I am from the Uk, haven't used the boards on here before, so I hope you dont mind me joining in.
    BUT as I have just gone through one of these spells, I be some what empathtic with you....
    I know I have been doing to do too much, as help is need with my daughter and all her little ones, even though its only for a couple of hours in the morning and an hour in the night....and resting in bed in-between, its all been too much this week, and just crashed and cried....I felt so selfish, because I could see others not helping and I just wanted some one to say....hey your doing too much, we will give a hand....but it didnt happen.

    So I really do understand, and I have just stopped and started to do nothing except the bare essentials.
    And start to practise, what I tell my uk....ME/FMS friends...just be kind to them selves....just every now and again.
    I dont think it matters what kind of tablets we all take, just now and again, we have to stop....and let the body recover.

    I hope you start to feel a bit happier inside yourself.


    Paula xx
  12. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    There is nothing wrong with crying and it can be an emotional release. I think one key is whether you feel better afterwards and if it helps you cope.

    I can only speak for myself but the proper AD has been a blessing. Yes I still get upset but easier to put things in perspective. Doesn't help my situation but does help me deal with it. Before I would get emotional at very little things. I am not saying this is a little thing you are experiencing as it's not. Before the ADs I would have been paralyzed with fear, go to bed and pull the covers over my head. Yes, I still sometimes do that. True depression is a real physical illness, an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. I don't know if that applies to you but maybe worth exploring.

    Another thing that has helped me is to see a therapist who specializes with patients who are dealing with long term health problems. She had great ideas, had seen a lot of people in the same situation. It was short term but very helpful. Is there a support group where you live?

    It is not acceptance per se as there are things that happen in life that are not acceptable but have come to terms with it. Maybe that is acceptance.

    Do I feel like I am ready to run a 5K marathon? No, probably will never feel that way. I still have up and down days, we are only human. But I see an improvement in how I manage both types of days.

    Do not feel guilty about this. It is perfectly natural with any physical DD. But if it is interfering with your everyday life more than you would like, some of the suggestions above may be an option. especially talking to someone who has seen others experience the same things. Do you have a support group in town?

    Are your visitors staying with you? If they are and it is not too late, maybe they could stay in a hotel? That way you would at least have a bit more control when to see them.

    I have made it very clear to people that I can not always make promises that I will be available for things. I do as much as I can and say to he!! with the rest. This is a process that has taken many years to get to with emphasis on many. It's all baby steps.

    Take care.

  13. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    Something jumped out when reading your post. You said you experience numbness. If the Lexapro is doing this, you may not be on the right dosage as ADs should not make you feel like this. It should make you feel more "normal", whatever that is, eh? Actually this happened to a friend and she was also on Lexapro. Once she was on the dosage best for her, this stopped.

    It can be so hard when you can't do things especially for those you love. I am missing a family event today and all the self talk would not make me physically able to go. I even missed my younger daughter's wedding as she lives in LA and the flight alone would have made me crash. But they did have a webcam for the actual ceremony.

    I also have grandchildren and I wish I could do more for them. But maybe someday they will learn a valuable lesson from all this: that sometimes people are limited in what they can do and you have to deal with that reality. I guess that would be tolerance and empathy towards other people.

    Good luck.


    ETA I will have to look up the lyrics to the song you mentioned.

    [This Message was Edited on 08/15/2010]
  14. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    I neglected to add in my post that sometimes the "numbness" can also be a sign of depression.

    Even emotionally balanced people cry.

  15. mary01

    mary01 New Member

    Thanks, Quank, you have stated the dilemma of my life with CFIDS PERFECTLY. Yes, I have been down this road SO many times. That glimmer of hope. How many times it's been crushed by the reality that no, I am NOT miraculously healed. The crash that surely follows--that is what brings the tears, the anguish, and, yes, some measure of self-pity.

    My most recent crash was last Friday. I have REALLY been trying to stay within my energy enevelope, but on Thursday my youngest daughter and I quilted for a good part of the day. Her sister, my oldest daughter is expecting her first baby this week and we want to finish the quilt as soon as possible. I know, unrealistic expectations. TOTALLY unrealistic.

    But the crash was just so debilitating. I was angry with myself, with my husband for noticing my weight gain, with my friends who expect me to listen to their trials, but can't seem to be able to understand and/or accept the lows of my illness. I cried for the whole day on and off. I'm okay, now.

    For some reason, I can't just accept that I can never get any better, that I am forever cursed with not being able to recover--at least to some degree. But until that day comes, I must weigh each event, each request, each desire, each goal, against my real and present limitations.

    Thank you everyone for sharing all of your experiences. It means so much to me to be able to share the deep emoitional highs and lows of CFIDS with others. Today is a day when I chose to go the Baptism of my niece's daughter and reconnect with family. It was a wonderful day.

    Blessings and Peace,

  16. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    Mary, I know exactly what you mean. I think what doesn't help the problem is that as women we want to be the caregivers, the nurturors and sometimes end up neglecting ourselves.

    How nice you were able to go to the baptism of your neices daughter. Will this be your first grandbaby?

    Treat yourself gently.

  17. mary01

    mary01 New Member

    Thanks for the kind words, gap.

    This will be my fourth grandchild--2 granddaughters--ages 6 and 2; 1 grandson, aged 13. But what is more exciting and delightful than a brand new baby. And she's a girl! Yum.

    You take care. I'm lying down as I'm writing this. Trying to wade through the yucky waters of this crash.


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