Creepy, scary neighbor (not illness related - sorry)

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by AuntTammie, Apr 29, 2009.

  1. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    This has nothing to do with ME or Fibro, so I apologize, but I am a little freaked out and needed to write.........

    I live in an apt complex...have lived here for 12 yrs and have run into a certain neighbor more often than seemed normal, but I didn't think much of it before.....up until last summer, he didn't know which apt I lived in, then he came over to investigate a fire he saw from his apt (I was having trouble getting my grill to work rt, but it wasn't actually catching anything on fire)....anyway, when he came over, he said he didn't realize that that's where I lived (this is important bc it shows that he cannot clearly see me from his apt, which is across a grassy area from me)....we started talking and after that point, he came by on occasion when I was outside....we wound up exchanging phone numbers

    well, in the beginning of Jan, we got together at his apt....pretty much just talked, but he made it clear that he was interested in dating me (for a variety of reasons I was not interested in being anything other than friends with him) plus, that night he mentioned that he often looked out and saw me outside, and he also made comments about seeing my lights on at night (I thought this was a tiny bit disconcerting, bc it sort of sounded like he was watching me, but since I was outside and since my apt if in line with his, I still didn't think that much of it)

    after that night he called a bunch of times....the calls were nice enough, but made me uncomfortable, bc they were excessive in frequency and in amount/type of interest he was showing in such a short time...then he called and told me how cute I looked when I was inside my apt, described what I was wearing and what I was doing (there is no way he could have innocently seen this from his apt).....I called and left a message telling him that I had thought he was a nice guy and that I had thoguth we could be friends, but that knowing that he was watching me while I was inside my apt was creepy, and that I had no wish for any further contact with him (I did not actually call him a creep or say anything mean - I did make it very clear that I was not interested)...he called back and left an angry message, but then I didn't hear anything from him and I thought it was taken care of....I did save the message for awhile just in case

    I finally erased the message, bc I figured after more than 3 months without hearing anything, I didn't need it anymore.....well, he called two days ago...left a message that said he had been thingking about this for the last several months, and at first sounded like he was apologizing...then he called again and left a message that got progressively more mean and at the same time confused, and then went on to bring up my church and my friends and just kind of went all over the place....I figured that he would just keep calling unless I called back, so I left another message reiterating that I did not have any bad feelings towards him, but I still found it creepy that he had been watching me in my apt and I still did not want any contact with him....then he called back and left a message calling me all sorts of names

    I reported it to my apt complex and was told that they have had other problems with him....I decided to report it to the police....not to get him in trouble, but to make them aware of it, in case anything further happened, and to get him to leave me esp worried me that he was this angry nearly 4 months later....the cop was very nice to me and he called the neighbor and left a message asking him to call back and warning him that he absolutely needed to leave me alone

    the thing is that it could be taken care of, or it could just make him angrier and cause things to escalate....and that's what is scaring me....he knows I am single, he knows where I live, what car I drive, and if I am home or not

    so, anyway, sorry this was so long and not anything to do with what this boards is about, but I consider many of you to sort of be friends, and I really needed to thanks for listening
  2. momof27

    momof27 New Member

    gets some friends to stop by at odd times and stay awhile and then just come a quickly go so he will not know what your up to . He would worry me, mom
  3. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    You've probably already done this, but I would definitely purchase the thickest curtains you can buy so that there is NO WAY he can see you, or lights for that matter, at night. During the day, maybe some decorative shades or something so that he cannot see you.

    I had a problem with someone calling me - they didn't know where I lived fortunately. How would you feel about changing your phone number? If you can't, or don't want to, GET A MALE FRIEND/RELATIVE to record the message on the answering machine. I'm wondering if maybe if he thinks you are taken, he won't bother you anymore.

    But wait, it has been a few months, huh?

    Hmmmm.........of course, I would still go with what everyone else said and call the police.
  4. loto

    loto Member

    Is it possible for you to move? I think I'd be so scared of him that I would find somewhere else to live. That's of course easier said than done, but this guy sounds like a real psycho to me, who definitely has problems.
    Please be careful! And let everyone around you know what you've been going through with this man.
  5. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    You have gotten some really good suggestions.

    I would agree that you need to let your neighbors and friends
    and family know what is going on.

    Please stay safe and keep us posted.

    take care, Susan
  6. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    Glad that you called the police. Maybe you can add some extra security chains on the doors and window locks. I would be scared if I was in your shoes too.

    I'm not sure what more to add...except take car going in and out of your building to your car. Especially at night. Please be careful!

  7. Forebearance

    Forebearance Member

    I'm so sorry to hear about this, Aunt Tammie.

    As you know, I think you should move for the sake of your health. I guess this adds another reason why moving might be desirable.

  8. I hope you have caller ID, I would NOT answer when he calls and no way call him for any reason as it probably would seem to encourage this creep. Sounds scary! Look around when you go out, if you see him, go back inside and lock your doors, car and apt!
  9. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    Wow- lots of responses, and some great suggestions....I don't have time rt now to reply to all of them, but I will do so later....I really appreciate all the support, though - thanks!

    also, unfortunately moving just is not an option - I have spent the last year and a half looking for somewhere else to move and/or a roommate to live somewhere else with to save money and for health reasons (possible mold)....I really, really want to move, and I asked several people to keep their eyes out for anything, too....and my parents really looked a lot for me, as well.....and there just isn't anything that I can afford (I am barely managing where I am - after rent, I only have around $200 left for everything else....& yeah, I have looked into any and all sources of assistance - housing and otherwise - public housing around here isn't even taking people on the waiting lists, so for now at least, I am stuck here)
  10. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    I had hoped to be able to respond to each one of you separately, but I am feeling really rotten rt now and have to get off the computer very soon, so I am not going to be able to do that....I am going to be blocking his phone number from my phone and borrowing a stun gun for awhile....also have been telling everyone about the situation....and am going to see about having people come over a bit more often for awhile, although I am not up for company very much....anyway, I am thankful for all the responses and suggestions
  11. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    i can't remember if someone else suggested a security camera? can you video who is approaching your door? as a way to warn yourself and to have proof of someone poking around....

    and, i would keep thinking of a place to move to....far, far away from him....
  12. daboysone

    daboysone New Member

    Have you thought about getting your apartment a security system/alarm on the doors and windows and a motion detector inside? I did this in Texas when I lived alone with my daughter and felt more secure. (I slept with a panic button in my hand) Also I would file a restraining order on this guy and I would have my apartment searched (maybe the police would do this for you, I am not sure) for any hidden inside video camaras that he may have somehow installed inside your apt. ( I say this b/c you mentioned that he could describe what you were doing/wearing while you were inside the apt where he couldn't see you) It sounds like you didn't invite him into your apt. but maybe somehow he gained access? I wouldn't ignore this and I would save every phone message he leaves/left. Please be safe and don't think you are over-reacting!
  13. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I'd just suggest keeping your eyes open, taking extra precautions to be safe as mentioned.

    The good thing (if it's good) is that they've said they've had problems with him before - but has he ever followed up on anything and hurt anyone?
    Also - very good of you to document. He knows you've done that. He now realizes he was too pushy and was angry that you took it to the police. Rejection.

    I understand the fear. I've had a couple of situations. Quit a job once and the owner first said she would sue me for ruining her business by quitting. ??? she was a complete sociopath and pathological liar and I literally wouldn't put anything past her. I feared she'd come to my door and shoot me...that's how "out of it" she was.

    I recently had to fire someone and she went off on me. Mean mean things.
    Often these people are using scare tactics and are cowards.

    Be cautious but don't freak out. Know your surroundings at all times and do check in w/people regularly. If he does anything - get a restraining order.
  14. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    lots of really great suggestions, and I am going to do most of to the idea that he might have planted a camera, I guess I wasn't exactly clear by what I meant when I said that he could not have innocently seen me....what I meant was that without using something like binoculars or a telescope, there is no way he could have seen into my apt, let alone that far into it....I don't think there is any chance that he has actually been inside, though - the doors are pretty secure and I am also rather anal about where things go - if something has been moved even the slightest, I notice - I will still check for cameras anyway, though

    I would love to get a security camera, too, but there is no way that I can afford that, unfortunately....I have changed my phone number and the new one is unlisted, and I did borrow a stun gun and a pellet gun that looks like the real thing (a friend's son just got out of the army so he has a bunch of interesting items like those)....and he came over and stood by the window for awhile (and he looks very intimidating - lots of tats, big guy, etc)....will be getting a male friend to leave a message on my machine, too and like I said, taking most of the suggestions mentioned here

    thanks again everyone, I feel a bit better (and it's nice to know that I am not just overreacting)
  15. Since your apt manager openly admitted having had problems, or at the least, complaints about this same person... he or she OWES it to you, AND the other tennants to, at the very least, elaborate on this (or *these*) issues, of the past with this person.

    It is as much the apt manager's responsibility, as it is yours, to keep you safe- in this matter, in my opinion. if not *moreso* the manager's... since he or she already KNOWS this person is unstable, and KNOWS whatever problem(s) have occurred in the past..... (and they didn't move to evict him when possible???!!!)

    One thing I think you should do, and have every right to do so, that has *not* been mentioned here yet, and doesn't *cost* a thing- is get that apt manager to elaborate on whatever 'issues' they have already had with the person previously... they owe it to you, and other people, (you, because you are now his fixation, and have gotten law enforcement involved- HIS 'privacy' went out the window, as far as THAT goes!).

    There's a whole sliding scale on the 'crazy ladder'... and you need to know WHAT the manager has been told about him before, or what complaint(s) were made- *specifically*.. so that YOU can know possibly, or at least have an idea of what to expect..

    The second thing, would be appropriate as well, that someone mentioned- have that apt manager move you into another apt, out of this guys vision, & where he might be less likely to even see your car, see you accessing your mail, etc... IF the complex is large enough, it sounds like it's big enough to do SOMETHING.... and it IS the managers DUTY to help you move for your safety- EVEN if the rent IS higher elsewhere- if the manager CHOOSES to allow a dangerous man to STAY and HARASS paying tennants, then, the manager is ALSO 100% on the hook, for ensuring your safety as well... especially since the manager, again, is already* aware of the guy's issues.... and now specifically aware that he is causing YOU problems. GET THE MANAGER TO TAKE SOME DAM**D RESPONSIBILITY.

    Like I said- even if apts elsewhere in the complex ARE higher rent- your manager should be moving you to a different apt, for the SAME PRICE you pay, since HE or SHE is choosing to keep a stalker there- that is not something YOU did...

    Hope he goes the he** away. In the meantime, you stand up for what you ARE entitled to, which is some assistance from that apt manager! "keep the psycho, then you MOVE ME" - simple as that, IN MY OPINION..

  16. faithinlove

    faithinlove New Member

    I have had this problem before and I had my number changed and asked that it be unlisted. It got so bad that at times I would park my car at a different place and walk to my apartment. If you have a male friend or relative that would drop by frequently so that he sees that you have a lot of people coming and going.
    I would again talk to the apartment management and let them know this man is not acting responsibly.
    Get some drapes or curtains that you cannot see light through at night. I had to do that. You may also put timers on your lamps and lighting in your home. Make sure all windows are locked and get some dead bolt locks on your doors.
    Do always carry maize spray when you are out and about of your home.
    One more thing that I did when this happened to me was to put up a motion sensor security light that comes on when anyone is near your front door entrance or your back door entrance.
    Do not put up with someone like that.
    I am alone and I know how some people like that can be.
    Stand up for yourself and you might even ask the appt. managers if they have had anymore complaints about him and if they have sign a petition to get him evicted from that location.
    Hugs and prayers, Faith Take care and keep us posted!