Crying and Need To Vent

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by greatgran, Jun 25, 2008.

  1. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Sorry, to impose but I just need to talk to someone who might understand, even though at the moment I don't .

    I am not sure if its my DD or something else going on but for the past two weeks I have been drained, depressed and all the other good cfs and fm symptoms or maybe something else physically is happening.I feel to bad to even try to get to the doctor, not that it would do any good.

    I feel the life has been sucked out of me, body aches, crying, anxiety and not sure why. I know I am trying to do to much but for now I don't have a choice. How do you keep going when you feel you are dying.

    I am trying to care for my 2 greatgran daughters, and just the daily everyday "stuff" I find I just don't have the energy. Plus I work part time at the church with the news letter and bullentins which is about 8 hrs a week.

    Its really my family that still doesn't get it after all these years, they just keep imposing and I just don't know if I am having a pity party and is it me or them, I am sure its me and the way I handle things.

    I look the worse I have ever looked in my life, fat and the only thing I get done to myself is a shower.

    My son who is 36 yrs lives with us , long story, my husband doesn't want him here, my grandchildren are calling me for rides to work etc. plus borrow money .

    My energy is gone, my money is gone and I feel my life is so out of control. I love the little ones, they don't have a mom or dad, my daughter has custody, she is really having a struggle, physically, financially and in everyway, she is a widow. So I try to help all I can .

    I know I am not making a lick of sence but I just feel like I am losing it . I feel so bad I all I want to do is cry but of course that doesn't help. I have got to keep going.

    I know my husband hates all this becaue I have no time for him as soon as my daughter picks up the kids I go to bed. I hate being this way. I just feel whats the use anymore.


  2. Khalyal

    Khalyal New Member

    and I am so sorry you are going through this.

    One of the toughest but most important things I've had to learn with this DD is that NO is a complete sentence. It requires no elaboration or debate. No is no. Tough to do if you've always been a giver, but if you've always been a giver, it's tough for others to expect anything else from you.

    But nobody else can feel your pain, or know when you are just depleted, or realize that you aren't just sitting around waiting for them to give you something to do.

    No is no. And to emphasize it, say NO and then go to bed. lol!
  3. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    First, it sounds as though you have too much on your plate from a physical and stress perspective. You are in a flare. It is your body and mind telling you that you cannot continue like this. If you are to be of any good to anyone, you simply have to get your rest. This is a reality whether your family accepts it or not. They may be in denail; that is common among family members. You may have to learn to say, "No, I'm sorry. I simply can't do it." Believe me, they will find a way when you no longer do what you cannot continue to do. Please see this as the warning from your body that it is. I ignored my body and I ended up bedridden for a long time. It's a lot harder to come back after one crashes than to heed the warning and slow down.

    Gentle hugs and prayers coming your way.

    Love, Mikie
  4. Granniluvsu

    Granniluvsu Well-Known Member

    It sounds to me, like Mikie said that you have way to much on your plate and that maybe your family is sort of taking advantage of you continueing to do everything for them. All I can seay Is that I could not watch my grandchildren ( I do not have any great grans yet).

    I see your lovely family on your bio and that you are two years younger than I. I am not saying that your children and gK, etc. are intentionally taking advantage. However, I do think the time may have come for you to tell them to stop, at least some of this, at least temporarily, and see how it goes. Iknow the more you do the more eveyone thinks you can do !! I know that from my family ! I do not know how you can keep doing what you are doing.

    Yes it is good to keep busy to an extend but it sounds like alot of stress to me. I know I have probems to with my daughter and her now defunct marriage, her having no money etl etc but thing are straightening out some for her now. My eldest grandson has problems to and the nexct to youngest has leukemia.

    So you are not alone, my dear.

    You need to really talk to them and somehow eliminate some of what you are doing and tell them that it is all getting you more sick . Just because you look OK does not mean you are fine. That is one of our BIGGEST problems. We look to healthy when we are nOT. STRESSES is what got me to this place now and I realize that - to many, not just one.

    Listen to Mikie too and you need to tell your family that you NEED TO SLOW DOWN or you will be in worse shape with all the stresses put upon you.

    Pease keep us abreast sweetie. ((((Great Gran ))))

    Lots of hugs and blessings to you,
  5. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Thanks to you for your sweet and caring replies. I am going to go rest now , the little ones have just left. Will write more later.

    God Bless,
  6. CarolK

    CarolK New Member


    Being a God-loving woman, I know it can be hard to tell friends and family "NO"!! But you must do it for your own health's sake!!

    At one point in my life I was taking on tooooo much family responsibility. That's when I was just about to break-down!

    Finally God got through to me with this message....


    Family members must learn to stand on their own two feet and take responsibility for their own choices in life!! You can only do so much... and if you do that with a loving heart... then you know that you have pleased God. Maybe others won't think it's enough... but you have to practice saying "NO" and drawing your own boundaries in life!

    We Grandma's still have alot of "tread" left in us... how we choose to use that is our choice! An author I once read used to say...."NO... IS ANNOINTED"!!! It's true!

    Lighten up on yourself!! And remember that personal boundaries are good and healthy!!

    Blessings to you GreatGran...


  7. poets

    poets Member

    I understand perfectly. In my case though, it's my elderly Aunt, my mother-in-law, and most of all my Mother who doesn't understand. They seem to think I can just go on and on. And my mother has this DD herself! You'd think she'd care especially when she sees the pain on my face and knows I have no access to painkillers.

    Just today she asked me to clean her house, go to her storage unit, and tear out things looking for some items she wants, and I also have to drive her to all her appointments about 35 miles away, leaving a half hour early because she won't let me take the interstate! She says it scares her. I have a perfectly healthy sister, but she won't lift a finger if she can help it. That's a whole other story!

    It gets depressing. I'm always going into flares because someone wants something. I know I should say no a lot of times, but I just feel like if I don't go ahead and do it, she'll keep at me until I do.

    It seems people are standing around just waiting for me to help them out. And I know it sounds selfish, but what about me? Just once I'd like for them to call and say. "let me do something for you for a change." My son is limited in the hot weather because it brings on seizures and I'm also trying to help out my daughter who is expecting. She has complications and has to be careful of premature labor. But she isn't demanding. I don't mind helping her out. She tries to help herself the best she can.

    I know this probably sounds mean spirited, and I don't mean it that way at all. Sometimes I get so weary though. And don't even ask about my husband! He won't even take out the trash and gets mad if I ask him to vacuum which I can't do because the doctor told me if I did I could ruin my fusion where I broke my back. No matter that if it broke I could end up paralyzed!

    Well, enough about me. I don't mean to try to compare my problems to yours. It just seems that some of us have more on our plates than we should and it's unnecessary, especially when there's people that could help us out that are in perfect health. Sometimes I really have to bite my tongue!

    I feel fat and ugly and I don't even bother to try to use my make-up much anymore. I take a shower every day but otherwise why bother? My husband has already told me he doesn't feel the same about me anymore.

    Hope you can soon find some time for YOU. You deserve a break. I'll say a prayer for you and if you don't mind, I could use one myself. Hang in there, everyone. We'll get through this somehow.

    Love and Hugs,

  8. nightngale

    nightngale New Member

    You sound like me, I love my granddaughter and took care of her all one summer while my daughter had her issues and it took away a year of my life. I love her sooooo much. and I am sitting here sick this week with a pool in my yard and I have no energy to even pick her up and bring her over here. You have to find someone else to watch those kids, maybe a church could help, or maybe you could have them one day, but it is obviously going to put you over the edge. PRINT out some info and hand it to your family , get your doc to write down you need bed rest for two weeks, or ANYTHING to get someone moving on this ASAP> I can't even watch both of them now that she just had another baby. It will hurt but the kids will only know what the grownups choose to make of it, in my case my daughter would say something in front of her like Grandma can't do anything like a normal person..well this would be on a bad day, she is bipolor. ....YOU have to come can see what is happening, reserve your energy so you can have fun with the kids.
  9. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    Honey I get that out of control feeling when I am in a bad flare, bad.

    There comes a time in our lives where we must THINK OF NUMBER ONE AND JUST SAY NO!!!

    It is hard, I just had to tell my grandson and my daughter that I could not make the 2500 mile trip home for my grandson's wedding and I did not go.

    They will still love me and yours will love you if they always have.

    I'm sorry but anyone 36 needs to get a life and move out.

    You have to slow down, take care of you.
    [This Message was Edited on 06/25/2008]
  10. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    I do not know how you are able to do all of these things when you are not in a flare let alone when not feeling well. Feeling worse makes it all the more difficult.

    I loved Khalyal's answer, that no can be a complete sentence. Khalyal, can I steal that saying?

    I know it is tough to do this especially when you are not feeling well. You are not being selfish that you can not do all the things your family is asking you. Even if you did not have this DD.

    If you do say you can't do things remember they are so used to having you around to do things, there may be a lot of protesting at first. But in the long run they will simmer down. If they don't then realize it is their problem. However, let them know what your boundaries are.

    Easy to say this but hard to put in practice.

    I do not have anything to add other than what is written above but want you to know I am thinking of you.

    We are all in this together.

    Healing thoughts.

    Take care,
    GA[This Message was Edited on 06/25/2008]
  11. poets

    poets Member

    Just have to say. Under most circumstances I agree a son of 36 should be living on his own. But in the light of the fact that my husband does nothing to help me out, I'm glad my son Adam (30) is still here. He has epilepsy and is on disability. If he was to try to live alone, it could prove to be very dangerous for him. He gets all kinds of seizures. Not often, but enough that I've seen him where if he hadn't been with someone the results would have been disastrous.

    He's had different girlfriends but they've all ended up not worth having. He's still looking, but it seems woman are more interested in someone who has a job, car, and money. After I broke my back, he stayed with me in the hospital and when I came home he cooked, vacuumed, dusted, made my bed, supervised my medicines, and got up in the night and helped me when I needed anything. My husband did nothing.

    I hope one day he'll find someone who appreciates him for the great guy he really is!


    P.S. No offense intended!
  12. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    You seem to have enough going on to cause stress for a healthy person.Just reading it made me tired.I know what you mean I can barely get a bath.I can't see myself taking care of children with this illnes.OI hope things feel better for you soon. Ruthie
  13. Pennygirl2

    Pennygirl2 New Member

    I am of an age too. I have my own separate problems with husband on dialysis for 5 years and declining. I cry a lot too. I think you did get a real lot of good advice from the wonderful friends here and I just wanted to say too that you need to find something for yourself and some time for yourself and I can't even imagine doing all the things you are trying to do. Please take care of yourself. Hugs, Penny
  14. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    No offense here when there is a reason of illness I understand that.
  15. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Thank each of you for being there for me. Your replies have meant so much .

    I totally agree I have to much going on for me, even though a lot of normals think I do very little.

    After the children left yesterday, I went to my room, closed the door and rested till this morning. The crying has stopped but the fatigue, aches, allergy, sinus etc. are still with me. I did some thinking as to what I could do to take care of me.

    So first thing, I am giving up my job at the church, will have to give a notice. The greatgrans have no one but myself and my daughter, they don't even know their dad, who is in prison,and see their mother maybe once a week if she wants to see them. I just feel I must be here for them but am going to try to get some help twice a week or at least on my bad days. When school starts the 6 yr old will be in first grade and the 3 will go to pre-school a half a day.

    As far as my 36 yr old son being here, He lost his business, found out his wife was having an affair, so he has been going thru a lot of problems and needed a place to stay until he can get his feet back on the ground, his wife also left him with a lot of credit card debt. I couldn't say NO as he is trying to get his life back together. I don't have to do anything for him, he even eats out most of the time. He is my son not my husbands and my husband just doesn't want him here, which causes a lot of friction between us.

    Thanks for opening my eyes, even though what I am doing isn't to much for "normal" its way to much for me. So going to try to figure out a way to take better care of me.
    Cause if I don't know one else will.

    Its been about a year since I have been to a doctor so going to make an appointment for a check up soon.

    Now if I can just get the strength to make it till I can get some help, and give up the church job.

    God Bless each of you and thanks ever so much,

  16. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    Everyone above has given you a lot of great advice, so I do not feel the need to add to it. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm glad you are going to make an appt with your doc.

  17. SusanEU

    SusanEU New Member

    Oh my friend, you have been and continue to go through so much. I know you hate the antidepressants, but, as you know from my experience, once I got past those first few awful weeks getting used to them, the light came on again in my life. But I understand, you don't have time to take 2 weeks off to get used to them.

    I so wish that you could come here and visit me and let me spoil you for a few weeks. You don't know how much I want to just hug you.

    My door and my heart is always open to you.

  18. Empower

    Empower New Member

    I understand!!!

    I feel the same way, like my life is spinning out of control, pain, exhaustion and anxiety and depression

    Do you see a therapist? It does help

    If you have good insurance, maybe you can at least go twice a month to vent

    Take care
  19. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    Once again your input and just being here for me has meant so much.

    As I stated earlier I was going to try to slow down, well get this. I went to the church, worked 3 1/2 hrs. Left the children with my 16 yr old granddaughter, I had to leave church go to my daughters house take them breakfast, go back to church finish my work, then go get the granddaughter and little ones take them to the pool, go by the bank get money for them. Finally got them there and just came in and sat down , then my other grandson walks in for a late lunch. By the time he leaves, my son will be home, the children will need a ride home from the pool.

    The house is a wreck, no dinner and this was going to be my take care of me day. I just don't see anyway unless I just leave . I can't even get any help with the house work for them coming in and out. Much less the expense all this is costing me..

    I am in a mess and don't see anyway out. I am beginning not to even like my family.

    Speaking of seeing a theapist I do have insurance but would have to drive about 2 hrs to see a good one and with the price of gas. Oh, I want to scream.

    Thanks again but needed to vent.