Crying with Pain

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kaymac, Oct 21, 2010.

  1. kaymac

    kaymac New Member

    I just felt like posting to the only people in the world who can truly understand. I hurt so bad, and have been in such horrible pain and the exhaustion is so bad this time, I can hardly breathe, let alone cry, but I'm crying. I am just stuck in the place of pain and then I feel so much guilt for whining when I know I am not dying, but my whole life is falling apart due to this stupid FM.

    Friends, family, finances, my job....I'm finally going to leave my job because I just cant keep going. 9 years after being diag, there is nothing I don't have as far as medical issues. Every single day something is wrong with me. I have no life. I'm so blessed to have a spouse who does it all but I feel so horrible watching him do it all. Work, home and couch and bed. I do nothing on t he weekends except lay now. I literally have to remind myself to breathe I am so exhausted.

    I know I'm not alone. I just needed to talk. Hopefully there will be better days after I quit this job.
  2. TropicalGirl

    TropicalGirl New Member

    I have a big hug for you! I know exactly what you are dealing with...I fight these demons every day of my life and it scares me! Every day I see how it affects me with my work, and how more and more coworkers are "pulling further away from me" because they don't understand; to them, "I look fine!" (And they should understand because they, too, are nurses!)

    On the personal side, every day I wonder if it will be my last with my better half. He is being less and less supportive of me, in fact, last weekend he screamed at me for 3 hours! During that time he was telling me how, "...he is done with me! He will NEVER feel sorry for me again! What does he have to do for me to clean his house!?" (I have to add he purposely adds to the clutter just to drive his point home! :( )

    Anyway, Hon, you are not alone! This pain is killing us in our heart and soul. Just remember that you are not alone!

    Big Hug!

    Tropical Girl*
  3. AllWXRider

    AllWXRider New Member

    From Fatigued to Fantastic
    Pain Free 1 2 3
    both by Jacob Teitelbaum MD

    My root cause seems to be Lead and Mercury toxicity, this weakened my immune system and I got all kinds of infections. Then my hormones started failing: DHEA, Pregnenolone, testosterone, thyroid and cortisol.

    Does heat help your pain? Most infections are heat sensitive.

    I had to quit my job too. Sleeping during lunch, snoring! It was horrible.
  4. luv2float

    luv2float New Member

    You are so right about not feeling alone here, this is the right place to vent.

    I just read your profile and noticed that you listed a lot of the things you love and are grateful for. Go back and read it again and try to stay focused on the positive. I too had to quit my job which was very stressful. It made all the difference in the world, I could then pace myself throughout the day (taking plenty of breaks) and I had time to do the things I loved, such as reading, watching movies, etc. I too like scrapbooking. Anything to take my mind off the pain.

    I too have such bad days that I just don't know what to do for myself. I was diagnosed about 8 years ago but had problems way before then. When I get down, I will think about all my blessings. Screw the people who start pulling away from you, they weren't real friends anyway.

    Hang in there and good health to you. Let us know how you are doing after you quit work for awhile.

    Blessings to you.

    PITATOO Member

    I think it will get better if you are able to quit and do it as guilt free as possible. If you "beat" yourself up about it it will cause more stress. Just remember that losing a job is another of the big events in anyone's life that cause depression etc. Are you seeing a therapist/counselor? If you can afford it? I find it a must for me, even though the co-pay is 25 bucks it is still a lot. I am able to work but I wonder how much longer. I am sitting at work now wish I could go home an go to bed. I am so mentally/physically/spiritually eshausted. I have been dealing with this for 16 years now, it's been a long road but I still keep going somehow???? I am still working but like you my weekends are only spent recovering from a weeks work. I don't have anything left after a week of work, especially when they have me traveling and that really takes away my weekends also. But what to do. I am divorced and don't have anything else to fall back on. You are very lucky to have someone and someone who understand. I agree it is difficult watch the one you love put up with "us". People wonder why I do not get re-married, I can't imagine putting the burden on someone else again. And I feel like "what do I have to give?". I also know that it takes so much out of me to even cry I don't anymore. Even the ones close to me I don't say much about how I feel anymore because it is the same old story. Don't think I cheered you up at all. But like you said hoepfully after quiting your job you will be able to find some life left in you......Try and have a good weekend....
  6. kaymac

    kaymac New Member

    Thank u all for the replies. Yes, I do have A LOT to be thankful for and I have
    to focus on that all weekend. I have also READ and READ all weekend more
    positive info on FM and coping. May sound odd, but I think after 8 or 9 years
    the REALITY set in that this not going away and my life has changed permanently.

    I talked with my spouse about my fears of divorce and anger and resentment
    and how much I did appreciate him for the extra responsibilities he has taken
    on. I know I have to learn to say NO and realize I do need to leave my job before
    it leaves me, so to speak. I plan to talk to my boss in the next couple of weeks
    and if I cannot go part time, I plan to stay home. It is for me, my health. I am
    completely exhausted and I need to focus on the good things in my life and enjoy
    what I can. We have yet to discuss the all the finances as this will leave us
    struggling too but somehow I know we can make it. I just want to get back
    some of my emotional and mental health that has left me so down. If I do
    I think I can cope with the pain better, with the limitations better.

    I'm sorry that some don't have spouses who support them like I do. If I didn't have
    him I don't know what I would do.

    Oh, one more thing, I'm ordering the vitamins that help so many here. I've yet
    to try them as part of the daily regimen. I'm excited to start that. Will keep
    you posted.

    Reading your posts does so much to validate I am not crazy. That I am real
    and suffering real pain and anguish with this illness. Thanks so much for sharing.
  7. hurtsalot 2

    hurtsalot 2 New Member

    I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same way when I was working. Now that I don't work I still hurt everyday but at least I don't have to explain myself at work as to why I need to go home. It does make it a little better, you get rid of some stress. I did have a lot of stress from my job and I feel it helped trigger my illnesses. Hopefully when you quit your job it will ease some of your pain. Take care. hurtsalot 2