Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by shari1677, Jun 4, 2010.

  1. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    I'm sitting here in my PJs, as is normal for me, and wondering what kind of emotional damage FM/CFS is happening to my kids.

    My kids see me in my PJs probably 97% of the time. I am usually laying down or sleeping. I leave the house only on very rare occasions. They know I take meds and they see me take my meds - I am on six prescriptions. I take approx 600 pills a month.

    My kids are 16 and 20. I've had FM/CFS for about 5 years, though had a relapse 3 years ago at which point it became much, much worse.

    Am I the only one worried about what kind of emotional damage this is doing to my kids?
  2. AuntTammie

    AuntTammie New Member

    Your kids are old enough to understand that you are sick and to learn about how that affects you. As such, they should not be getting damaged emotionally by your inability to get out more, do more with them, etc (ie: they shouldn't be feeling like you are deliberately neglecting them or anything).

    They may find it hard to deal with watching someone they love go through so much, but that can actually be an opportunity for them to become more empathetic and understanding (which is good; not damaging....there's a difference between feeling some emotional pain and being damaged - pain can help us grow stronger and healthier).

    As long as you show them as much as possible, and tell them, too, that you love them and are there for them, they should not be damaged by your illness. However, why not try asking them about it? This could be a great opportunity for some really good heart to heart communication.
  3. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member


    I don't think your kids will suffer "Emotional Damage". I can't say though, that I haven't had the same concerns (different from actually damage) about my kids. I absolutely HATE the fact that my kids even see me laying down which is almost all the time when I'm not at work.

    I didn't have an actual conversation with my kids until I was actually diagnosed about 3 years ago and it was pretty brief cause my kids aren't big talkers and their reaction was "okay". Just the other day I asked my husband, AGAIN, to talk to my youngest, almost 18, to explain why Mom is sleeping half the day.

    My sadness is more with the memories and perception my kids will have. I grew up with a Mom that didn't nap that I saw. My Mom did it all. She didn't have to work, but we had a lovely home that was clean, she loved to do yardwork. She entertained a lot, she cooked dinner, attended all of my functions. I REALLY wanted to do all of that. I always said to be half the Mother I have, to be adored just have as much, I will have achieved great success in my life.

    Guilt - that's something I struggle with a lot. I vowed to ditch that - but it's sneaking back up on me. Today was a BEAUTIFUL day and ya know where I was? On the couch. Argggghhhh!
    I don't even lay down upstairs in my bed. I'm on the couch! When my kids friends come over, they see me - how awful is that??? I always wonder if my son ever sees other Moms laying on the couch. Probably not.

    HOWEVER, I don't think any of this will cause "emotional damage". I think we both need to just realize that our kids will have different memories of their kids physical capabilities. We need to be there for our kids in other ways. I make sure that I talk to my son as much as I can. Now he doesn't talk a lot, but I show concern and interest in everything he does. I KNOW he knows how much I love and care about him. I make sure we have dinner together at least 3 times a week. If I dont have the energy to cook, I make it simple. I have some really easy recipes I'd be willing to share with you.
    The other nights, he's usually out with friends or we'll order a pizza one night.

    Think of all of the children who have Moms or Dads who are physically challenged. Those kids
    love those parents greatly, are sometimes very protective.

    We just have to be there in other ways - and let go of the guilt.

    I totally, absolutely understand your thoughts. I've cried many times over this.