Dangling Participles, goofy headlines, etc- know any?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by victoria, Aug 11, 2009.

  1. victoria

    victoria New Member

    I think sentences with misplaced phrases, lack of appropriate commas, etc. are hilarious... I got these from online but see them all the time in magazines etc.

    Newspaper headlines are especially funny! - there are so many examples, but here's a few:


    5th-Graders Get to Grill Lions

    Dealers will Hear Car Talk at Noon

    Drunk Drivers Paid $1,000 in 1984

    Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

    Eye Drops Off Shelf

    Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

    Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

    Juvenile Court Tries Shooting Defendant

    Kicking Baby Considered To Be Healthy

    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

    Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

    Reagan Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead

    Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency

    Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

    Stolen Painting Found by Tree

    Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung

    Two Sisters Reunite after Eighteen Years at Checkout Counter

    War Dims Hope for Peace

    William Kelly was Fed Secretary

    Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

    Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

    Lawmen from Mexico Barbecue Guests

    Man is Fatally Slain

    Misplaced phrases etc:

    - The burglar was about 30 years old, white, 5' 10", with wavy hair weighing about 150 pounds.

    - The family lawyer will read the will tomorrow at the residence of Mr. Hannon, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives.

    ~ Mrs. Shirley Baxter, who went deer hunting with her husband, is very proud that she was able to shoot a fine buck as well as her husband.

    - Organ donations from the living reached a record high last year, outnumbering donors who are dead for the first time.

    - The dog was hungry and made the mistake of nipping a 2-year-old that was trying to force feed it in his ear.

    - We spent most of our time sitting on the back porch watching the cows playing Scrabble and reading.

    - Hunting can also be dangerous, as in the case of pygmies hunting elephants armed only with spears.

    - The zoo workers watched the monkeys intently as they removed each other's fleas.

    - For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers

    - 3-year-old teacher need for preschool. Experience preferred.

    - After hastily summoning an ambulance, the corpse was taken to the mortuary.

    Personally I just wish the cows had been reading aloud so I could hear the story!

  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Nice to see you are able to post funny stuff again.

    Here's a slightly different kind of funny sentence.
    "Needless to say, it was needless to say, "needless to say".

  3. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    I actually found this in our local paper at the age of 16. Now I am lucky if I can remember what I ate for breakfast, LOL!!

    "The gun was found by the body." should have been "The gun was found next to the body"

    My dad was so proud of me he gave me $5.00, which I thought was a fortune. Unfortunately, right now, it is a fortune. The joys of being on disability.

    He also told me he would pay me $10 if I memorized the titles of all the books of the New Testament. I never did but maybe I should hit him up now!!

    Funny stuff!!