Your post really stood out. Maybe cause I can imagine how you feel. I wanted to die at times (probably still will) and I felt that the only reason to stay in this world was because of my family, and how it would effect them if something happened to me. It would be great to have a better reason to live but sometimes that's all there is to hold on to. I hope you get the support you deserve somehow soon. At times I sit outside at night and just talk to the universe asking (begging) yelling, for help. For one good (health) day if I was to be visiting family. Or for some peace, or maybe just a good nights rest. Then I would try to remember to thank the universe for these things ( or anything else good) if I got them. Lots of times my requests for help were not answered. I hope you will post here again as I noticed this was your first time. You are not alone in this. Everyone on this board seems to really care. I am new here, but I can already tell.