Dark night of the soul

Discussion in 'Caregivers' started by twig711, Apr 8, 2006.

  1. twig711

    twig711 New Member

    I've been reading all of your posts and they are so full of truth. The pain that comes from being the person with a chronic illness and the person who is the caregiver in the relationship also experiencing their own pain. My boyfriend has chronic fatigue that developed due to a knee surgery and later rounds of antibiotics for a sinus infection. We had been together for about a year and had just moved in together right before his knee surgery. I have had chronic fatigue myself about six years ago, so do have some sympathy for what he is going through. At first we thought it was a temporary thing, but we're heading towards year two of this disease. I'm starting to completely lose it. All that is ever talked about in this house is the illness. If I express needing something, I'm told that I don't really grasp how hard things are for him. I feel like he has enough energy for work, for his daughter, to pretend to everybody in the world that he's o.k., but not enough energy to tell me he loves me. I keep trying to resolve "once and for all" to stay or to go. Every time I think I've decided for good - it's always to stay - we come to a night where I kiss him and he talks about his illness or he forgets to ask about my day or whatever it is that particular day that starts me freaking out again. I would love to hear any suggestions on how I can stop this cycle or that I'm not a bad person.