Dating and Fibro...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ksl25, Feb 4, 2007.

  1. ksl25

    ksl25 New Member

    Any advice on when and how to tell your date?
    What were your experiences like?

    I had to end a very topsy turvey relationship because it was too toxic for me.
    I'm going to be a lot more careful, but I could use some advice.
    [This Message was Edited on 02/04/2007]
    [This Message was Edited on 02/04/2007]
  2. AllWXRider

    AllWXRider New Member

    relationship as a basic foundation of trust is broken.

    Ppl freak out at the word virus. My boss panic when he saw my doctor's letter on my CFS due to viruses. I lost my job due to that.

    I'm relieved that I found that my CFS is due to toxic metals that I can chelate out. If I could have told my boss that I have toxic metal exposure (non-contageous) then I might have had sympathy and kept my job...maybe just gone on disability leave.

    "Birds of a feather flock together" so you may find another FM/CFS person got to admit it makes things extra hard when both members of a relationship are ill. When my wife gets sick, it gets real bad, real quick here. I try to compliment her all I can.
  3. NICUnurseang

    NICUnurseang New Member

    I too struggle with this issue as I am 22 and of the age where I should be enjoying the dating years of my life. However most of the time after my long hours of work I am just too tired to pursue dating. I've found that for the most part the guys are pretty accepting. Unfortunately fibro is not the only medical problem that I have so I can not get very far into knowing somone before they are bound to find out that I am not well. Most decent men hate to see any woman sick so most will not turn tail and run when they find out that you have fibro, some will want to help in any way possible. I've found that most know nothing about my illnesses so the first step is education and then I try to teach them how my life is affected by it. It's also really important for me that the person I'm with be supportive and POSITIVE! because somedays it's really hard for me to be upbeat. I think the hardest part is not any different than other people in our lives- they read the literature and see our suffering but no one can really understand unless they've been through it and it can still be difficult when sometimes we don't have the energy to do things that we want to. You will find someone who will love you with you fibro and if they don't, kick them to the curb! Just take it slow, kind of feel out whether they can handle all the info early or if they need to wait, be yourself, and they'll love you! There are millions of sick people in the world and they deserve love the same as healthy people! Good luck in your dating escapades!
  4. grace54

    grace54 New Member

    Yes honesty is best, I too endsed a relationship again due to lies,it's something I can not tolerate as I need to be able to trust

    I was dating a nurse and one would thing she would get it as I told her up front but there again if you don't have it.

    They seem to forget too as we have good days and can keep up but one can not count on us for much consistency.

    I remember a time in Niagara Falls she wanted to go on the boats that go into the mist right near the falls and as soon as I got close to that mist I could feel my whole body tense up so I told her I couldn't do it. She tried the manipulation and guilt trip thing and I felt bad that I couldn't or wouldn't keep up. Then I reminded myself that we all have limitations, sick or not.

    So relationships are not easy for me, takes a lot of energy. I tell people up front so they hopefully wont come back and say you never told me. If they care enough they will research it for themselves after I give them a basic idea of what it is and how I live.

    Yes, I have chosen to be alone rather than a toxic situation as I don't handle the stress as well as I used to, it seems that little things really get to me. But that is ok for today, I believe every thing in it's own time. It the mean time I work on my self and my spiritual growth and try to help others.
  5. lookingoutthewindow

    lookingoutthewindow New Member

    I went undiagnosed for 4 years. My husband thought he understood, then he no longer believed. A year after the divorce I got involved with a man who was going to "help" me. After 2 years he believed all the symptoms or lack of was due to medication. He constantly ask me to take something or quit taking something--WHAT A LIFE!!!

    I am interested in dating again, but public places are not always good for me. I get sensory overload quickly at times; other times I am OK. It is so unpredictable.

    I am trying to be around more people who are comfortable being at home instead of being a social butterfly. I find people who have to be in public alot get their good feeling about themselves this way. At times I have to go out to get charged and connect, but most times I am comfortable in my own skin.
  6. Kryssie

    Kryssie New Member

    I recently have found a wonderful man.. we began dating a few weeks ago. I did tell him about it and received the classic reaction he had no idea what it was.. I gave my classic vague response "It causes pain all over your body for no reason" Then I say "You can run now if you'd like"lol

    Much to my surprise, this man took the time and done his homework on it.. reading and taking in all the info he could! He knows just as much about it as I do now almost!

    I definately think that a keeper will do just what I stated above, or at least be willing to learn and try to understand.. anyone else that isnt that *intune* isnt worth having IMO.
  7. ksl25

    ksl25 New Member

    thanks for all the positive encouragement.
    I'll keep you posted. :)
  8. pam_d

    pam_d New Member

    My husband wanted to learn everything about Fibro he could. He bought me Devin Starlanyl's "The Fibromyalgia Advocate", which became my bible. His brother and father alos studied up on Fibro so they could be knowledgeable.

    Years later (this past year, in fact) I got Leukemia, and my husband came through again. He has researched and learned so much, in fact, that my oncologist says that next to a medical professional, my husband knows as much about Leukemia as anyone he's ever met! He was the support that got me through some pretty grueling months of treatment.

    The point is, those guys who understand and support you unconditionally, because they love you and accept all that comes to pass, ARE out'll find one...

  9. moab341

    moab341 New Member

    My boyfriend and I were plannig to marry next fall.
    He had moved in and was extrememly supportive, or so I thought.
    A few weeks ago, he told me he had a fear that I was going to die.
    I told him FM did not kill you, which he already kmew.

    Fast forward to last Thursday.
    He came home and had seen someone he used to date at a meeting. In one night he decided to move out, and he also told me he just didn't know if he could handle my illness.

    You could have knocked me over with a feather.This was a man that had worn me down until I agreed to marry him! People amaze me.

    It will be a long time coming before I lay my heart on the line to anyone.
  10. place

    place New Member

    I hear you. I have finally gotten somewhat better and now my husband does not want to be married anymore! 9 years down the drain. I don't get it!

    Maybe now that I am healthy, he can now leave me. It would look really bad to leave a sick wife!

    He said that he is not in love with me anymore. But really likes me as a friend!

    I think he is nuts. He does not have a clue. He just float through life.

    I don't know how I am going to date again. I am 31. But I am strong and will survive!
  11. moab341

    moab341 New Member

    You're darned right you will survive!!!!
    We all will. Each and everyone of us have daily hurdles that most people never have to deal with.
    We feel like heck, but we are strong people with huge, understanding hearts.

    We have so much to give......this DD takes away our energy, but not our capacity to love and be loved.

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