Dating? And how to maintain friendships...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by LondonSummerGirl, Mar 9, 2013.

  1. LondonSummerGirl

    LondonSummerGirl New Member

    Hi everyone! Does anyone have any tips on dating when you have CFS? I used to try to do internet dating but I constantly had to cancel people as I was too ill to go out... any tips or creative approaches appriciated! Also how do you maintain your friendships when you can't be there for people in the way you want, helping them with babysitting/meeting them in the pub...I want to continue being a useful friend to people!
  2. luigi2013

    luigi2013 Guest

    I cannot tell you how great this post is, what a breath of fresh air. I think the same thing myself lol thats why. Its a bittersweet topic for me too. I admit though mine aint for lack of interest from the other sex. My best mate always says to me your never going to meet someone less you get out. I think she gets it a little bit after 8 years of making plans then ringing up and cancelling, and admittedly crying in bed as a result. I mean as cuddly as your pillow is, it dont really cut the mustard. It doesnt do much conversation or romance either. Anyway i digress, my mate was wrong because a man turned up to repair my door. I didnt treat him different to anyone else, im kind of chatty because lets face it looking at four walls nearly 24/7 aint as fun as its made out to be. And i am interested in people, as a species i find them slightly odd but quite fascinating. And he was, and we had alot in common. When he left i didnt expect a follow up. But he texted me. I off course did the obvious thing..panicked and rang best friend.

    Anyway...door still dodgy so i had to ring and i got a text from him telling me he'd be round. I thought "Oh pants its the same workman " anyway this time he flirted and he was as subtle as a flying sledgehammer.

    At this point i was in bits because one part of me wanted to loosen my grip a little on life, (was considering cleaning my teeth again ;-) and trying to calculate when i last shaved my legs, the other part thinking "oh no this is becoming like a bad scene from an adult movie, you know repair man and lonely single woman.

    Anyway me...being me..froze (my mates havent nicknamed me the ice queen for nothing) and yes gave him cold shoulder. Or the brush off with the words "im not ready"

    We texted a few times i told him everything i told you here, (well minus concern over breath and hairy legs) and he understood. I think.

    So the moral of the story.. You dont need to go out you just need a broken door. No im joking, although in part its true. I dont even know the answer myself. Sometimes i dont even know if ive got the energy for someone else and their expectations. i am most frightened of that because of the impact of these conditions. But then we're good people we still can laugh. And i know people from my support group have found relationships so it does happen. My mate found her partner online shes been with him for over a year and is now pregnant. Although from witnessing her journey there are some poor websites some are like wading through the dented tin section at the supermarket. Its just creating opportunity and sometimes (sorry i lost concerntration someones on karaoke in the pub i live behind and they sound like their dying), opportunity does actually knock. Im guessing we will feel abit better once summer gets here. If your going to go online find out what sites your friends have had success with. As for friends invite them round for a girlie chinwag. My friends will come and pick me up if i ask. Go sit in park get to chat to dog walkers all sorts, libraries another place
    But i do know what you mean, i hope others respond to your post.

    many thanks

    katherine x
    [This Message was Edited on 03/09/2013]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/09/2013]
  3. maddie2013

    maddie2013 Guest

    Hi, are you from england then becauseci get confused by all these names. Im wondering if theres a london in america because theres a new england, im guessing we're old england.

    Im in similar boat to you, ive thought about online sites i mean everyones doing it even celebs. People find the whole dating game difficult due to work commitments. Ive never seen anyone i particularly like on there. Have you actually ever got to meet up with anyone? I mean we're always going to worry about being reliable to be well enough but i guess if they cant except that then their not for you anyway.

    Like katherine, i have friends that come and visit, im not someone who likes surprise visitors in case im unwell or the house is a mess. So they know to ring first i just have to remind tjem to give me a bell if their free at weekend. They know i can usually only do things on the day, but although i dont see them as often as i may like, they dont have plans to take up the entire weekend. what you said about babysitting and such, it is hard because i kind of feel ive lost my purpose in their life if i cannot help them as i did. And some friends have disappeared but the important ones stayed. And if im feeling ok i ring them ask them what their up to and suggest meeting up, they come to me or pick me up and we go to the shopping centre and coffee shop, or to the park where theres a cafe and we can sit and chat and even like katherine said talk to others. You can find away round being unreliable, friends will be spontaneous to.

    Sometimes i feel left out, but i know my friends dont do it to deliberately upset me, its just they are wrapped up in there lives and things happening, so sometimes its nice for them to just have someone to sit and chat with, thats friendship too.

  4. tjblueeyes

    tjblueeyes New Member

    One guy I was dating would avoid coming over when I was having a bad day. Sometimes I'd still like to have someone to talk to and not feel so isolated and alone. Any kind of groups, even support groups, are so sporadic since we have to cancel 3/4 of the time. I finally told my daughter to just call ahead of time and she comes over and sits on my bed and we visit. She gets my mind off the pain. I hardly have any friends, though.

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