dating

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by poodlemommy, Oct 23, 2005.

  1. poodlemommy

    poodlemommy New Member

    hi girls. I have to tell you gals something that happened to me that just shocks me. I have been seperated from my husband almost a year. I havent dated but thought well maybe Im ready. I had met a guy on the internet a few months ago and we've talked on the phone about 4 times. His father lives in the same town I do. Thank God he doesnt have my address and I'll tell you why.He said he was coming to his dads this weekend and could we meet. I thought we would maybe meet at a coffee shop for few hours the first time. So yesterday he calls making plans to come to MY HOUSE and watch a movie and that he doesnt have a car and needed to take the train so he would be staying over. I said oh at your dads and he said no your place. I thought he was kidding. HE was serious. I have never met him. I said NO Im very uncomfortable with that and Im uncomfortable with you coming to my house. He got attitude. He said I need to get over it and what was my problem. He said he is taking the train all the way up there and he doesnt want to stay at his dads and didnt see anything wrong with staying at my place. He said what was I so afraid of and maybe I shouldnt be dating then if I feel like this. I got off the phone in shock. So I called him back and cancelled the whole thing. I said your right Im not ready to date and we wont be meeting.I then got a message later that night saying for me to call him when Im ready. I dont think so . You would not beleive his attitude around me not wanting him to stay over. I have not dated in many years but I dont think things have changed that much. He put me right off the idea of dating. It actually scared the crap out of me. So I think I will stick with my dogs and grandkids. I cannot beleive he would assume it would be ok. He didnt even ask if he could stay over. He said " Im taking the train up so I'm staying over at your place." He didnt even ask if he could. Then the attitude started. This guy is in his late 30's and never married. I wonder why. Im shocked. Any else had bad dating experiences. I would rather be alone than go thru this. Its scary out there.
    hugs, poodlemum
  2. jfrustrated

    jfrustrated New Member

    I separated from my husband over 25 years ago and was very scared to start dating because of the abuse I received in the marriage. So I studied, worked, travelled, supported my parents, bought a house, invested in real estate, had pets, friends and a great life until I developed CFS. I have heard lots of horror stories from my friends who still date and only one happy ending - so far. I figure that, at my age, mid 50's, in I get into a relationship now, I am going to end up a nurse in the not too distant future. I have worked hard for what I have and would be very wary of sharing it. I figure that all the good guys get "got" in their early 20's. I love my life - except for the CFS - and I think it would be difficult to find a man who could improve it. If I want to be pushed around, I let my cat do it.
  3. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Poodlemum,

    I'm so glad that you never gave this guy your real name or address!!!

    He sounds so agressive, that he could be dangerous!!!

    I've been married for nearly 35 years, so I haven't dated since the beginning of the 1970's -- so I'm really out of it!

    But you're right--it's definitely scary out there!

    My brother and sister have been divorced and I've heard their stories, and I think they would agree with you!

    Be careful, but I hope you meet someone who is worthy of you some day.

    Hugs,
    Janet
  4. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    What a creep! I'm glad you found out before you met him...scary.

    Normal people don't expect to spend the night with someone they have never met. The guy's a whacko. Glad you found out before he was part of your life.

    Sue
  5. kgangel

    kgangel New Member

    I have been divorced and started talking on line with an old High School sweetheart. I would honestly be afraid to talk with someone on line that I did not know at all and make a date to meet them , you just never know what might happen. I was lucky he was still nice and we are very happy and in love, but I just hope whatever you do you will be very careful, you are worth more than what some jerk can give that is for sure!!

    Please whatever you do don't post a picture of yourself either. Otherwise, now he knows what you look like too, are lots of women doing that now, just curious?

    Hopefully you will meet a really cool guy another way.

    kgangel
  6. poodlemommy

    poodlemommy New Member

    thanks ladies for your advice. I took my profile off that site. Ive had a couple of weird experiences and the guys are just too pushy. They want to go from hello to now your mine. I think being on my own is better. I was hoping to date to get my mind of my ex. Im missing him but cant go back to the relationship we had. He still calls and trys to convince me we should be together and sometimes I want to say yes. I dont and I stand my ground but at times I really miss him. He has severe addiction problems and along with that came terrible stress. So im better off alone. So I thought dating would help me not think of him and maybe put him off too. but thats not working out. Im going to go get involved in some volunteer work and fill up my time. That will do me good. Im going to be 50 and like someone else posted I would just end up being someones nurse. The problem I have is I look much younger and Im getting all the guys in the late 20's early 30's and they are too imature and just want one thing. Hell when Im in a flare thats that last thing I need. LOL
    So dating is going on the back burner. Maybe I'll just wait and be patient and see what Gods plans are for me.
    hugs, poodlemum
  7. billies_blues

    billies_blues New Member

    i just want to caution anyone from just assuming that because you knew someone in high school doesn't mean that they are the same person now...

    i'm happy for kgangel, you are *so* lucky to still be compatible with your old friend, and to find love, too, well that is wonderful.

    but i have a horror story about a similar situation...i got in touch with an old high school buddy after 15 years or so, apparently we had both been looking for each other for a couple of years (my intention was just platonic, btw). well, he flew out to the coast to see me, and at dinner he accounced that he just *knew* that we belonged together and that i should dump my then-boyfriend, and that he would move back out here (and i'm thinking, what the heck are you talking about, dude?!).

    and it gets even BETTER. then he tells me that he tried to kill himself a couple of years ago, but didn't succeed, and that he was disappointed by that, but that now having me in his life would make everything better (talk about putting a burden on someone's shoulders...i was devastated by this encounter and my FM really flared up).

    so throughout this terrible evening i came to realize that my old friend had some very serious mental health problems that he didn't let on to earlier. luckily he was already under the care of psychiatric professionals, i learned later.

    there's some more, but let's just say that i couldn't help him and sadly had to cut off contact with him to preserve my own sanity (and to manage my illness).

    and now i have NO interest in contacing any more old friends!

    -BB
  8. JLH

    JLH New Member

    Do you live where they have these groups called "Parents Without Partners" or other "singles" groups like that where you could maybe talk a divorced/widowed girlfriend in to going with you?

    Your idea of doing volunteer work is good to keep your mind off your ex--and, you just might meet someone there!

    If you don't attend church, maybe you could visit churches of your friends--maybe meet someone there.

    The best way to meet a guy is probably by letting all your friends and/or family know that you are "interested" in dating and maybe they will have a "friend" that they can set you up with.

    My brother was divorced after 25+ years of marriage. He dated many women without success. He started a new job, and after he was there for 6 months or so, one of his coworkers asked him if he was dating anyone, then he told her about all of his bad luck. Well, she happened to have a SIL who just got divorced after 20+ years of marriage (her husband started cheating--and my brother's wife had started cheating on him, too!). Anyway, she introduced her to him, and wala..... after many months of dating, then got married last year. And ... they still act like newlyweds!!!

    You'll meet someone when the time is right! But remember, don't lower your standards!!

    Hugs,
    Janet

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