Day 3 of the worst flare I've ever had and no support

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by risinforce, Oct 25, 2005.

  1. risinforce

    risinforce New Member

    I'm at my wits end. It actually started last week, pants started to bother my legs, feet started to do the pins and needles, you know the routine. Really no cause. I did have to have some work on my car that was unexpected and expensive but it didn't get me too worked up.

    The only thing I can thing of that got this tornado twisting was another visit to my pain docs office. They are just so aweful in there and I feel so trapped because I literally can't go anywhere else. My insurance only has 3 other pain docs on the list (HMO) and none take FMS patients except this one group. My doc doesn't hear a word I say, I swear I'm older than he is, in my first visit w/him his first words were that some docs don't believe in FM, I asked him if he did and he said yes. Not convinced of it.

    I truely think that just visiting his office flares me up. The nurse doesnt' return calls until 24 to 36 hours after leaving message. You never get to speak to doc over phone, always have to make an appt which is 3 to 5 days later. You all know the gammet I'msure. I've never had this kind of experience. Even the receptionist questions you. I've even been told that it looks like I'm trying to get my meds early and can't even change appointments to my schedule. What if I was leaving town or something? They literally treat you as you are drug addicts right from the start, the whole staff, it's horrible.

    Well, Sunday morning the ride started. I literally have not been able to move around with out holding on to something since. I layed in my recliner w/3 heating pads on me on Sunday just shaking, praying and crying. I have been like that since. To top it off my hernated disc at my L5 is acting up and so my syatic pain runs all the way into my feet as well. I've also had a headache since the first of the month. If you read my posts you'll know my experience w/the ER doc.

    I went to the doc last week due to my headaches not subsiding and my FM pain just not being managed. He gave me 15 oxycontin to last 10 days until my regular appointment. WOW Thank! (sarcasm) Well you can imagine how long those have lasted over this last weekend.

    I'm at a loss. I feel as if I've no where to turn. I feel like being put in the hospital. Has anyone ever done that? I was wondering if I called my psyciatrist if he would do that or if I'd just end up on a mental ward which I'm not. I'm not suicidal (actually truthfully Sunday I asked god please have mercy or just take me away) but I am very scared. This is like when I first got this illness and didn't know what it was and it isn't helping knowing what it is because I don't know how long the pain will last. I never am out of pain anyway.

    UGH! I do have an appointment w/my back doctor tomorrow and plan to discuss all with him and hopefully he may be able to help. he is much more compassionate, a single dad (I'm a single mom) understands life's stresses etc. My pain doc actually told me to not stress. I told him I could not live in a bubble for crying out loud.

    I guess i'm just frusterated and needing to vent. Nobody in my life understands. They all say "be tough, don't get depressed etc etc" I'm sure you've all been in my shoes. That's why this board is here though so we can talk to those who suffer the same.

    Maybe a prayer or two for me tonight. I could use it. I'll say some for all of you. Thanks for listening.

    Gentle hugs,
    Shawn
  2. Alyndra

    Alyndra New Member

    I'm sorry about the pain. Especially at a time when pain seems to be an understatement.

    You don't have to be tough, you don't have to pretend to be happy, and you certainly don't have to ask for a prayer; or a kind word. In some way we've all been there before, and I haven't come across a single person here that didn't understand.

    On my really bad days, I've told my boyfriend that I just don't want to wake up to this pain anymore. He insists that I'm depressed, worries that I may 'do something to myself'. I just can't make him understand that there's a difference between not wanting to wake up in pain, and not wanting to wake up at all. Again, something VERY few people understand.

    No one really understands our want and need for living just ONE day without pain; without having been there themselves.

    I really hope things go well with your doctors. If the nurse/secretary keeps giving you problems, I've found the line "And THIS is why you're not a doctor." really puts them in their place. They're just a pain in the... that we don't need!

    Goodluck. Prayers, miracles or magic - I hope SOMETHING can ease up the pain.
    ~Amanda
  3. Maltese

    Maltese New Member

    Hi Shawn........this is what i think of, when a doctor gets cockey or rude to me. He is just ignorant, and will see it one day, when he, suffers too, one day. I don't wish anything upon anyone, but, I say, yes, one day, you will know, what it means to be, in pain, lonely, or in dispair.....because, no one, offered, a kind word, or loving words to he/she, that day. Then, and only then, they will know, what it means to suffer from Fibromyalgia discomfort, and fatigue. I share it, Shawn, and we all do, here....so, keep coming back.......and meet us, in the chat rooms. My prayer for you, buddy, and for me, and all of us, who share. Hugs! (Maltese).
    [This Message was Edited on 10/25/2005]
  4. jennypee

    jennypee New Member

    I'm so sorry you're having such a crappy time.

    I've seriously considered going into a mental hospital also- I thought I MUST be crazy to have so much pain and nothing wrong with me. It really feels like you must be crazy when no one is willing to see and empathize with how this DD is hurting every single aspect of your life. The hopelessness kills me.

    I don't have much advice for you. What helps me (a tiny bit) is remembering to take an antidepressant on time every day, surrounding myself with understanding people on this board, and realizing that just because a family member or friend loves me, doesn't mean they have a magical built-in "psychic pain machine." Thank god they don't understand.

    People on this board understand. We know you're not faking, drug seeking, whining, or imagining.

    I really hope you get some relief-- I'll keep you in my prayers.
  5. heavenlyanimals

    heavenlyanimals New Member

    SHAWN I ALREADY SAID A PRAYER FOR YOU WHEN I READ YOUR POST WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR YOU. I LOVE THIS GROUP I POSTED TODAY AND WHEN PEOPLE WRITE BACK AN DGIVE HUGS AND PRAYERS AND JUST THEIR THOUGHTFULL RESPONES MAKES YOUR HEART FEEL GOOD HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER. COLLETTE
  6. pepper

    pepper New Member

    I am so sorry that you are suffering so much and will keep you in my prayers.

    (((HUGS)))Pepper
  7. busybusymom

    busybusymom New Member

    I hate it when I am told the same thing, "Be tough!!!" This comes from my husband (who has been a total jerk lately) and his family. Who wouldn't be depressed being so sick for so long and getting the run around from the medical community??

    I SO understand you being upset and so sorry you are having a rough day. If it makes you feel any better, my day has been rough, too, and I've gotten no support from my so-called "rock,", my husband.

    Unfortunately, we have to live day-to-day. Some days WILL be better, but they are few and far between. I just try to appreciate them more than ever.

    Jennifer
  8. ilovecats94

    ilovecats94 New Member

    I sure do know the feeling of the pins and needles in my hands and feet. I really don't know if it is the FMS or the diabetes I have. My sugar wasn't all that bad. I know that I started that about the time the FMS got really bad for me, 10 years ago.

    I took a pain pill tonight because I burnt my tongue on hot food a few nights ago and it is really hurting me.

    I'm lucky that I got some Lortabs from my family doc. Been the route of a pain doc that is on my insurance and he doesn't believe in FMS and doesn't believe in pain meds at all. You could say that we fired each other--that was in 1998.

    I don't really get any emotional support at all. My husband will help with fixing dinner and putting dishes in the dishwasher. Right now he has a cold/cough and I've been helping more with chores.

    Fifteen pain pills isn't enough. I used to get 20 Lortabs with one refill. Big deal... I would save them for sore throats and stuff like that. Now I finally got 120 Lortabs a month with 5 refills (only have 4 bottles left) in May and the stupid doctor doesn't take our insurance anymore. :( I may go back to him next year for more pain pills.

    Why do they make the pain pills for if it isn't for people to take who are in pain?

    I was in a flare that started on 10/7, and it went on for weeks. Just from me doing some cleaning with a Dust Buster. Even the pain meds didn't help all the pain I was in then. So I can't do much of anything.

    For some reason, for me, the closer the pain is to my brain, the more it hurts.

    Sending prayers for you to get over your flare real soon. Being a single mom must be extremely hard. I don't know how anyone is able to do that and you probably work full time too.

    I try to stay as far from a hospital as possible. Haven't been to one as a patient since 1994.

    Hugs and prayers to you, Shawn!

    Faye