Day seems a little better

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by mtinash, Jul 18, 2008.

  1. mtinash

    mtinash New Member

    I found a support group that are really nice people who all have lost a family member to suicide. It was comforting to know that everything I was feeling was completely normal. If you can call my life presently normal. Josh was so very much my life that I don't think things will ever be normal again. The contractor still has not finished cleaning the room where Josh died and every time I walk past the room with the door closed it is just a consistent reminder of what happened on July 1, 2008. I know in my heart that Josh is in heaven because he was such a wonderful person, so kind and so giving to others even when he did not feel good. He was just fighting his own civil war and this was the only way that he could stop the war. I have found some comfort in the fact that he is not suffering anymore, but I guess a part of me is selfish because I still want him hear. I am anxious to get the results of the autopsy report to see if there were any other aliments he had that the vast amount of dr's missed. In May we were told that he have a very contagious staph infection in his ears and nose that was resistant to medication. I have curious if it got into his brain somehow and caused alot of the problems.

    I appreciate all of the support I have gotten from this board throughout the most terrible time in our lives. Josh will truly be missed by me and the rest of his family. I have been researching the internet in my area to see if there is something I can do to help prevent this from happening from someone else. A member of the support group asked me on Tuesday what I would tell a person contimplating suicide and my response would be that life is worth living and the pain your are having is what happens to the people who love you that are left behind.

    Once again thanks to everyone for letting me utilize this board as a place to release some of my pain and broken heart.

    God Bless
  2. Janalynn

    Janalynn New Member

    I am at such a loss for words - I almost didn't reply - but it is important for you to know that we are all thinking of you and we DO care deeply for you. I think that is evident, at least I hope so. =)

    It took my breath away when I read about the contractor - and the door still being closed. Oh that must be so so difficult. You are a very strong woman. I hope that when you're ready, you'll have the room painted a nice bright color.

    I love your response for those contemplating suicide - you are so right - the people left are the ones who then take on that horrific pain. Unfortunately I think that when people are that low, they do not think clearly. They hurt too much, whether physically or mentally.

    I'm so glad you have reached out and joined a support group! What a wonderful step. I hope you'll continue to reach out. I bet that you are going to be an incredible help and support to someone else who faces this very thing, down the road. It's obvious that you are a natural caregiver. Right now - take care of yourself.

    Thank you for giving us updates!
  3. Missizzy

    Missizzy New Member

    I am so pleased that you have reached out. You and your fellow support group members are truly the only ones who DO fully understand the level of your grief. It breaks my heart to hear how much you miss Josh but that just validates what we already suspected--that he was a wonderful and kind man. I found your analogy concerning fighting a civil war to be very powerful. It seems as if you are gaining a good deal of wisdom and insight. You are not in any way selfish to miss him and to hurt. Bennie, you're a human being and of course you miss your love!!

    I'm going to be very interested in what the medical reports find. I know that will give you a tiny bit of closure. You were very strong to choose to have it done. Have you had a memorial or celebration of life for him yet?

    Once again, just remember that we all are here for you. I often think of you and pray for you. Your experience is a constant reminder as to how hard those of us who are ill have to work to keep going. Your pain is proof that those left behind suffer. Josh would have never wanted that, though, as I'm certain you are realizing.

    When you mentioned hurting when you walked by that door, a memory came back to me. I have a dear friend who lost a 22 year old son to suicide four years ago. She has a unique way of saying he's no longer with us. Lucille says that her son "doesn't live here anymore, he has moved to heaven". When she says it, it always touches me as I know it's true. It's a very gentle and loving way to validate a death.

    Blessings on you,