Dealing with death in family/funeral, etc.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by JewelRA, Jun 7, 2009.

  1. JewelRA

    JewelRA New Member

    I just needed to come here and ask for support today. My FIL died suddenly and unexpectedly on Friday. :( He was 75 and in poor health, but not imminently ill. He had a massive brain hemmorhage and died in his sleep Thurday night/Fri morning.

    Naturally my dh is devestated, although he has many mixed feelings about his dad- it was a very complicated relationship. It is very hard for me too, as I was pretty close to him, and I just lost my Dad (who I was VERY close to), not yet 2 years ago. It was in the summer too, no less, that I lost my Dad. So, this has brought up many difficult memories for me.

    I would appreciate any advice on how to get through the stress of dealing with the funeral, husband's emotions, etc. His family tends to handle things quite a bit differently than mine - alot of people gathering, day after day, eating, bringing food, staying a long period of time at our house, etc. It seems like when my Dad died people were more respectful of our privacy and our time at home, allowing us to recooperate in between services and stuff. The visitation is not until tomorrow and the funeral Tuesday, and I am already worn out!!! On top of all that I am battling a respiratory virus that I had just about gotten over until all this happened on Friday, and now I'm getting worse again. My in-laws, as usual, don't understand my limitations.

    Thank you for letting me vent a little bit. As usual, this is the one place I can go and be understood. :)
  2. JewelRA

    JewelRA New Member

    ..I was just wondering if anyone had ever had to miss a close loved one's funeral because of this DD?? I am certainly planning on being there tomorrow and Tuesday, but I can easily see how if I were even a bit sicker and weaker than I am now, I could not make it. I think the only way I made it through my Dad's funeral was the "schock factor". I have had out of town relatives die, and haven't been able to go to their funerals because of the travel. But that was a little more understandable. I just can't imagine how devastating it would be to miss the funeral of a very close family member.

    Sorry...just some more of my rambling thoughts today...
    [This Message was Edited on 06/07/2009]
  3. Empower

    Empower New Member

    First, you have my sympathy

    Second, I have been through it with my mom and MIL

    It is rough - I didn't make it to the funeral of my MIL, barely made it to my mom's

    You just have to set your limits and the heck with what everyone says or thinks

    You know what you can and cannot handle

    Stress always sends me over the edge and a funeral is certainly stressful

    Take care and just do what you can, and forget what others think!!!
  4. JewelRA

    JewelRA New Member

    Thank you, Empower. Yes, you certainly do understand, having been through it with your Mom and MIL.

    Really, the only one I care about what they think is my husband. He has always been so good to me and takes such good care of me. I just wish I could "be there" more for him. He really doesn't understand my limitations either. I guess it's just too hard for him to accept. He really just doesn't see it, although we've been married 13 years in which I've steadily gone downhill. I guess I just need to be better at communicating my limitations and needs.

    I guess I just feel guilty about even having needs at this time, although I know that's ridiculous!

    Thanks for the encouragement.
  5. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    You have my sympathy .

    I have been to many funerals of close relatives over the
    years but not yet that of my parents. I do agree
    funerals can be very stressful .

    I would only do what you feel you are able to do.
    Were you able to check with your doctor to get more meds
    for the respiratory virus?

    I'm sorry your husband's family doesn't understand your
    limitations but I would be firm but gentle when you are needing
    to rest . You know yourself and you need to take of you first
    so that you can be there to support your husband , just my two cents. smile

    I will keep you and your husband in my prayers as you go
    through this time.

    very gentle hugs for you, Susan
  6. JewelRA

    JewelRA New Member

    I am exhausted, but the services are finally over. Thank you to my fibro friends who replied. Thankfully, whatever respiratory thing I had is actually much better. Go figure. I'm so glad the funeral is over, but I know the grief is just starting for my dh.

    God bless.
  7. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    More gentle hugs coming your way. So glad you are feeling better.

    Prayers continue for you and your husband.

    Rest , gentle hugs, Susan
  8. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    As well, you have my sympathy.....and yes, I've missed a very important funeral, my Mom's.....but I do live in Germany and couldn't make it back to the states.

    It was devastating, but I could only accept that my body just wouldn't allow it at the time. It's now been 8 years since I've been back home and I do hope to someday be well enough to travel back, it just hasn't happened yet.


  9. butterflydream

    butterflydream New Member

    to you. My sympathy and thoughts are with you.

    Pamper yourself as you need good rest.
    Having a loved one pass is difficult .

    Thinking of you during these painful times.

    Take care of yourself.