The past few years have been really rough in terms of money. Having to close down my business, getting rejected for SSDI, waiting another year for the judge, needing to use credit cards to finance my docs & meds, etc. has been such a squeeze. Ralistically, the only option my life partner & I have is to refinance our house, which we own jointly. So, this is what we are in the process of doing. I know my feelings of inadequacy in terms of the value society places on earning money at the same time not being able to work myself. Usually I can manage those feelings & recognize the once a year deep blue funk before, during & after tax time. Kind of like recognizing PMS symptoms. Getting the mortage application papers was a real jolt, however. The application had my partner's asssets & debts on one side & mine on the other. This is in spite of the fact that we share the good & the bad, the debt & the supposed assets. But in their eyes I was the side with the minus figure of -$15,000. Of course I was horrified, but that's probably 50% of what's been gobbled up in the past few years. Realistically, all my medical expenses add up to more than what we will get back after refinancing. We discussed my reaction & we decided to redo the application by putting both of us in one column on the extra blank page. If we were going to be judged, let us be judged together. This question of judgment is rough professionally, personally & emotionally. Today I felt like I kept running into a brick wall with my fatigue. I'm hoping to get a small uplift when our application goes through. Even a momentary rush would be welcome.