Dealing with Parents

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by jasminetee, Apr 13, 2009.

  1. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I'm having a problem with my folks. They're making me feel guilty for being bedridden. I work on keeping my spirits up but they're dragging me down.

    My mom is the one with the problem. She's got many issues and I can tell she doesn't believe that I'm as bad as I say I am. She doesn't understand what I'm dealing with or she does but wants to give me a bad time anyway. I think she can't understand how I can be so upbeat and seem so well when they visit. I tell them I crash afterwards and how sick I am all the time and how much pain I'm in but then she drops hints about nobody liking a complainer. This really riles me up.

    I'm going to have to confront them about this. I'd like to say it in the best way possible. They called yesterday on Easter Sunday and made me feel bad that I'm bedridden and not doing something with my hubby. Luckily, he gets it and he was fine with it. My dad's supportive but my mom just doesn't get it and unfortunately, my dad goes along with her so it's like being ganged up on.

    They totally brought me down yesterday and I was already trying to fight off depression over my situation. I know you all know holidays are very hard for us.

    I'd love suggestions on how I can say, "If you're going to call, don't be all judgmental and try to make me feel worse about my situation." What I really want to say is, "If you don't believe me then s**** you." Only nicely. ;)
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    I looked at your profile. You used to do all kinds of stuff as well as teach. How does your mom
    explain the change in your behavior? You just woke up one day and said, I think I'll become a bum?

    Went I first started reading about assertive behavior, I tried to do it but also be polite. Doesn't work.
    One needs to be very emphatic. No, you can't come visit today. I don't feel well. Maybe some other

    Of course my parents were monsters, so it was relatively easy to break away from them. I only
    wish I had started earlier and been even more assertive. No, Thanksgiving's not good. I'll let you
    know when I'm up to a visit.

    I doubt it will do any good to tell your mother to change her behavior. Hard enough to change our
    own. Wh should she change when she knows the problem is YOU?

    Families have a reputation for being wonderful, but the truth is many of them are alcoholic, dysfunctional,
    insane, vicious, etc. Mine certainly was.

    Good luck