I am finding the longer that I have this FM that the more hopeless I feel. I am pretty annoyed that people pass me off as overweight and depressed, and therefor not needing any help but a good diet. I wrote this on my blog the other day - I am not to sure why but I have been having a way harder time than usual dealing with this all. I don't know what I am looking for here but I thought maybe sharing would help me somehow. " February 15, 2006 I saw my doctor today. I think my doctor is great but I left feeling like he can't help me. I don't think he knows how, and I am so scared that no one really knows how. I can't fathom the thought that I am going to be like this the rest of my life. I am angry, frustrated and completely sad about it. At times I completely feel like giving up. These are the days that I can't help it, I cry at any little moment I am by myself. I can't stop myself and I cry through reading bedtime stories to Ashlin and Colton because I am just tired and hurting. I cry myself to sleep because I am so exhausted and I know that I only have 5 or 6 hours before I have to start the day over. And that when I wake up there is a good chance I will breakdown in the shower where no one can see me and witness it. So I feel like giving up, how can I continue to fight this when it has broken me. And then there is the guilt. Guilt because my children deserve me at my best, and I am no where near close. I have children that deserve to have a mother who is free of this pain and full of life. I feel like I am letting them down. letting Rob down. And that feeling is much worse than sitting here and hurting. So then I resolve to to try harder and ignore the pain and fight through the exhaustion that I feel. And here I am at square one again. No answers, no solutions. Just me. I try not to talk about it much. Partly because I just don't like to discuss things like that. But I can't help it now, it is taking over my life and I find it creeping into my conversations more and more. I realize I am not talking to people that I care about, the people that know me, the friends that I want to talk to. I am closing up on them, it seems easier to not talk at all rather than talk and try to find things to say that don't bring anyone down. "