Dear Friends, yet another way that I have learned to "understand"

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by PoimaeHopkins, Apr 26, 2008.

  1. PoimaeHopkins

    PoimaeHopkins New Member

    It has been too long since I have posted here, I regret that. Life gets mighty busy when four of your eight children at home are teenagers - and you homeschool them all.

    Anyway, two days ago I experienced a surgery that - in the main - is only realized by women. I was told the same thing when I was diagnosed with FMS. What am I referring to? Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy. That's right, gall bladder surgery! For the last six weeks my right side had been giving me fits - above the normal amount of pain that I daily get from FMS. In fact, my wife thinks that is why I put up with it for so long before going in to see the doctor. Maybe she was right.

    As far as me getting something that women also get hit with, my wife has a theory about it all. She believes that the Lord wants me to have a deeper sensitivity and understanding when it comes to women and health issues - especially as it relates to pain. If that is the case (and I am not about to question the Lord as to the why of things - I trust Him!), then I can tell you ladies that my appreciation for you and the amount of pain you have to contend with only continues to appreciate and deepen with each passing day.

    Love you all!

  2. jinlee

    jinlee Member

    I did not know that gallstones/gallbladder were a woman's problem more than a man's! Come to think of it, though, when I did med transcription, most of the gallbladders were women.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing the lesson that God put on your heart and to being open to what God teaches you. I hope you are feeling better and getting back on your busy feet.

    I think women can handle much physical pain; it is the emotional pain that kills us, at least for me.

    One question I have had for a long time is how did the young man, Tyler I think was his name, who got severely burned recuperate? I have prayed for him but just wondered if you could give a brief followup of his recovery.

    My other question, if you don't mind me asking is this: I look at your bio and you look like my hubby, same age, backgraound and yet you have a caring about how women feel, an empathy for them. I just wondered why? This may be too personal or none of my beeswax and I would understand. I mean it in a good way, not a bad way and in no way am I putting you down. My inquiring mind just wonders why other men don't give a rip about the inner workings of women.

    My husband is delighted to drop whatever he is doing to take me down to target practice but if I wanted to talk about my inner pain, or outer pain, on goes the TV, and he is gone. He is a born-again Christian also. Is it a special God-given purpose in your life? Again, if too personal, I need not know your reasons.


    In Christ,
    [This Message was Edited on 04/28/2008]
    [This Message was Edited on 04/28/2008]
  3. PoimaeHopkins

    PoimaeHopkins New Member

    Dear Jinlee,

    I appreciate your two questions, let me answer them in the order you asked them.

    Thank you for asking about Tyler. Yes, he is doing quite well - given the circumstances he lives with in today's world. At the present, he has one fitted arm (right arm) with limited hand functions. He is still going through operations on his left shoulder. The doctors are trying to get his left shoulder in such a state where it will be able to handle a prosthesis. At the present time, his left arm sleeve is tucked into the waist of his pants whenever he goes to school.

    Speaking of school - that became a major problem for Tyler. The public school had promised him, while he was in the hospital, that they would be there for him when he got out of the hospital. But when he finally got out of the hospital and was able to return to school, he found that the promises of the government school were hollow. Neither were they equipped for him in the classroom, nor did they have the right mental attitude to deal with Tyler's unique needs. This realization was a big 'downer' for Tyler.

    My wife and I did alot of hard praying about the situation, and after some time of thinking it through, we extended an offer to Tyler's parents to homeschool him ourselves - along with our eight children. After a number of discussions with his parents, his parents accepted our offer. I began teaching Tyler last fall. He now is in the spring semester and is doing quite well in his studies. His classes include Spanish, American Government, Chemistry, Geometry, English and Bible. He is in the 11th grade along with our oldest son.

    As to the second question, about "caring about how women feel, an empathy for them. Why? Is it a special God-given purpose in your life?"

    Yes, those are personal questions, but I don't really mind answering them. I believe a man of God is supposed to be ready to give a defense (I Peter 3:15). Actually, the whole verse is worth looking at as it applies to the subject of your question:
    "But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear."

    I have been in the Lord's ministry for forty-two years, and I shall be happy to acknowledge to one and all that the Lord is not finished with me, yet. And when it comes to understanding women, I have alot to learn and a long way to go. And for me, the Lord knows that He can get my attention with pain. But it has to be unique pain in order for me to learn the lessons of life that Christ wants me to learn. And in two ways God has made pain - in recent years - unique: (1)the pain is excruciatingly unrelenting, and (2)it is a pain that is more often endured by women than by men.

    Let me try to illustrate what I am trying to say: as you know, I am a Combat Veteran who is 100% service-connected. The wounds I received in the Vietnam War, I carry with a humble pride that only another combat soldier would really be able to understand. At the present time, women are not allowed in the type of combat missions that I was involved in. Okay. So for women - and for alot of men as well - it is very hard for them to understand my feelings. I understand this.

    Let me be honest with you: when I first was diagnosed with FMS, I was both bewildered and embarrassed. "How can a man like me, a father of eleven children, get a women's disease?" Little did I know what the Lord was going to teach me in the areas of humility, pain, and sensitivity to the pain of others. But I am learning.

    This most recent time relative to the gall bladder, it didn't even phase me when I found out, in my research, that far more women have the operation than men do. See, I am growing! (smile)

    I can say that it is only by grace that I have learned what I have learned to date. It is not natural for men to be empathetic relative to women. In our natural self, we are essentially very self-centered; I find that that is a common characteristic of all humans, but it comes out in different ways between the sexes.

    The Lord knew that I would need to understand from experience the 'Pain' that women feel - and it would have to be horrendous pain for me to appreciate it - before I could develop, by His grace, an empathy for women. He gets all the credit, ladies, believe me.

    In my flesh, I am still hard headed as the next fella, but when it comes to pain and women - my heart is theirs.

  4. jinlee

    jinlee Member

    You were more than gracious in answering my questions. Thank you.

    God bless you and your family.