Dear God I can't take the Pressure Anymore

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Elisa, Sep 3, 2008.

  1. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Dear Friends,

    I am just in such deep despair. I am being severely pressured to get better, improve etc from my parents that I think I am going to lose my mind or try to run away (which is pointless cause I can barely drive a few blocks.)

    I have severe CFS, FM, fevers, infections, breathing issues and constant insomnia- and I just don't have the stamina to deal with the lectures and phone calls - pressing me to see more doctors. I have seen a million and have gotten nothing but worse.

    The intense pressure actually makes me want to give up. I try to communicate that there is no cure or magic pill or pain help etc, etc. But it falls on deaf ears - my parents believe that they are being good parents pressing me to keep seeing another doctor. I have seen so many for over 12 yrs I could scream. I have been on so many programs, treatments etc to no avail.

    What am I going to do? They get my food - but the price of their help is getting to me.

    I think the worse part is I have always dreamed of recovering and living a life again and pursuing my dreams...and I have wanted this soooo much that having others believe it is possible and I haven't tried enough or found the "right" doctors is profounding devestating.

    Some of my worse emotional pain has come from doctors and family.

    God please help me as I am in deep despair and hopelessness.

    God Bless,

    Elisabeth
    [This Message was Edited on 09/03/2008]
  2. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    I can so relate to how you feel. I am sitting here in tears I feel there is no hope for me.

    In fact I feel so fatigued, weird head feelings, I don't see how I can go on this way.

    Sorry, this is not the encouragement you need but I can so relate to your deep despair and hopelessness .

    I feel I have tried and tried, my poor daughter needs me but I had to call her today and tell her I couldn't care for the great grans and if she misses today it will probably cost her, her job.

    My prayers are with you as I can so relate and I have 2 precious children depending on me and have failed them. They have no mother or father and my daughter is all they have and she is struggling so. Please forgive me but I needed to vent.

    God Bless,
    greatgran


  3. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Tiggy - you have been such a great support to me - thank you so much - you really are a wonderful example of someone who has embrassed their Grace...

    I am grateful for your wisdom and all the things you say that help me know that there are people out there that really really understand. Cause this illlness is so lonely and isolating.

    Thank you for all the wonderful messages supporting God's love and caring too.

    GreatGran - I know the sadness very well - you and I struggle the same and I am so sorry as I know the terrible pain and suffering this causes. I know how hard it is to not be able to do what you want...There is such a deep need in me to help others and to help spare others the pain too. So your message helped too - it let me know that you feel so much the same and that I can pray for you too.

    God Bless You Both,

    Elisabeth

    [This Message was Edited on 09/04/2008]
  4. Nanie46

    Nanie46 Moderator

    Hi,

    I suggest that you print your post and hand it to them to read. It probably will not solve everything, but it may make them think about how deep in despair you are and that they should back off.

    I hope you are getting some good help for the emotional pain and depression. I am praying for you, that you will have some improvement and that your family will be more understanding.

    Please remember that God hears our suffering and He is always here for us. You have a purpose in this world. Hang in there and keep praying for strength.
  5. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Hi Tiggy,

    Thanks for the added encouragement and support...

    Your words...'you are the daughter of the King" really inspired me today - a great feeling - thank-you so much!

    I will stand taller today just saying that to myself. Your caring really helped!

    God Bless You Tiggy!

    Elisabeth
  6. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Thanks so much Nanie46 you are sooo right...I should show them - but they truly belive there is a cure or help out there so thats a tough battle.

    I am grateful for your sage words and thoughts - it means a lot to me.

    God Bless You Nanie46,

    Elisabeth
  7. kbak

    kbak Member

    that things are not going so well for you. The only thing you can do with family is set limits. When their not being helpful, tell them. I know this is hard for some people to do.

    I think one of the hardest thing about being sick is having people run all over you. Also I'm not sure it's helpful to keep hoping your (or my) future is going to be better. Not to be misunderstood, I mean that I find it easier to deal with myself on a daily basis than trying to meet some goal for the future I may never achieve.

    We all want to be better and have our lives back to normal, but if that is your daily focus than your missing feeling better today. What do I need to feel better today. Today I need to use whatever I'm using to get some decent sleep.

    If what your using isn't working for sleep then your doctor visits need to focus on that. There is no way to get even a little bit better if you can't get some sleep. Sometimes it takes a lot of different combos to find that sleep.

    Different things have worked at different times for me. I haven't found any 1 thing that works consistantly in the long run for me. Right now I take tramadol, soma, melatonin in a very small dose, benedryl and calcium and magnesium to sleep. When I wake up in the middle of the night I take another tramadol and a drosey sinus pill.

    When this doesn't work well anymore I'll do something different. I sure hope something happens to lift you up. I will certainly pray for better times for you.

    Take care,
    kbak

  8. Elisa

    Elisa Member

    Thank you Kbak!

    I am so sorry it has taken me so long to reply...you all know how it is managing all this everyday.

    I am so grateful for your kind and caring support and advice.

    I am so frustrated because I have worked so hard at trying to get beter for so so long and...nothing. It is hard to keep going and seems like the strain is getting to me.

    Thank you for your kind words.

    God Bless You Kbak,

    Elisabeth
  9. baanders

    baanders New Member

    We are kindred spirits in Jesus Christ. He loves you so much. I also have had fms for many years. Finally, my dr.put me on Subutex (not Suboxone!!). It has given me my life back. I was bedridden with pain before this med. Many people have been on it for years to help with pain, just like methadone. See which one works better for you. You will forget your illness and focus on Jesus.

    There are shelters once you get on your feet to go to if you feel you are being abused. You are a vulnerable adult. It sounds abusive. Make sure you're back on your feet first with the right meds. Please. Then run away. That is what I would do. But run to Jesus, too.

    My parents are the same way, they have put the same pressure on me. You just need the Great Physician, show them, in the Bible. He is your Healer. In his time. I'm sorry that your parents have deaf ears. Jesus doesn't. He bottles up all of your tears and brings them to heaven...they are like diamonds to him. This is biblical too. I am not making these up.

    I know, I hate seeing the psychiatrist once monthly. I've been to so many drs myself...so much like the woman in the Bible with the issue of blood. She had seen so many drs that she no longer had any money.

    Jesus is your source.

    This illness has driven me to the Catholic church. I believe that my God can and will heal me on his time, when He sees fit.

    I listen to Father John Corapi on EWTN network (EWTN google). He has taught me so much b/c he had a past life before becoming a priest.

    He was homeless, pinched himself saying, "This isn't happening." He was very wealthy..drugs, women, sex, a boxer. A vietnam veternan. He was in a mental institution for 1 year. Who ever would have though he would be a world renouwn priest? (Father Corapi.com , google).

    I have learned the rosary and say it to alleviate the pressure.

    Hail Mary full of Grace the Lord is with Thee
    Blessed Art thou amongst women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.

    I know that Jesus comes before Mary, but saying the rosary will alleviate your tension. You can make a cross over your head and shoulders and middle of your heart.

    Why do we suffer?
    For the greater Good. For example, the fall of Adam and Eve led to free will (the greater good came out of sin).
    LIfe, suffering is a mystery.

    No cross, no crown.
    No guts, no glory.

    Come on, Sweetie Elisa, you are a soldier in Christ. You are in boot camp. So am I. It is a battle of good versus evil. All the saints in heaven are cheering for you.

    I love you.

    Hugs,
    becca
  10. wordwarrior

    wordwarrior New Member

    Hi.

    Know how you feel. Had to move in with my parents at age 36 - with three kids. Read my testimony below. Feel free to email me.

    M

    Please see my testimony below. Maybe it will provide you hope.

    “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten”
    Joel: 2:25 – The Holy Bible

    From someone who’s been there…

    Where do I start? At the beginning, end, middle – it’s difficult to embark on expressing so vast a heaviness in just a few words.

    Domestic Violence is a debilitating scourge that eats away at a woman’s soul - bit by bit she is emptied of her talent, will, and emotion until she stands - a small shell - that is crushed by each powerful wave of violence that overcomes her.

    After enduring my ex-husband’s beatings for years to include, but not limited to, death threats, biting, spitting in my face, the ripping of my arm tendons, punching, slapping, sexual abuse and some emotional and mental battering that made the physical abuse appear palatable - I could bear no more.

    One day, about 12 years ago, I began to clean our upper middle class home (yes folks, not all victims of DV live in the inner city…), and to iron the clothing. I lined up a weeks worth of things for my two little boys and now ex-husband to wear, prepared dinner and vacuumed the home. I then proceeded to take a black garbage bag and shut my bedroom door. I took out my twenty-two revolver and sat, thinking with the garbage bag over my head, wondering how to shoot myself most neatly, as my ex-husband always hated a mess.

    It is sad, but this was the point Domestic Violence had driven me to. As I held the gun to the side of my head, letting my finger slide calmly along the trigger, I heard a small knock on the door. “Mommy, what are you doing??” The voice asked quietly from the other side. I swallowed hard, and answered, “Nothing, just cleaning up. I’ll be down in a minute.” I listened as the small footsteps descended down the staircase, and I angrily accused God, shouting furiously at him in my mind, “You won’t even leave me this - my worthless life - you knew the one thing that would keep me here and you sent him straight to the door. You must really hate me to let me live in this abusive hell - well, I guess I hate You too.”

    I was livid at God for not leaving me to my own hands - for not allowing me to take my life. For the next few years, I lived in the pit of physical abuse, endured two miscarriages, watched my abuser beat me, and my now three children, and allowed him to rip our souls to shreds each day. I believed in God, and although I was very angry with Him - I still tried to hold to what He would want of me. My ex-husband knew this, and used it - twisting the Bible to fit his own warped view of marriage, and the role of husband and wife. Even worse, our pastor’s told me it was my duty to stay in the abusive marriage to preserve the sanctity of our “marriage”. Year after year, my ex-husband sucked the life out of me, but miraculously he didn’t take everything - deep down somewhere there was still a will to live.


    Sometimes during the stormiest points in life God speaks in a whisper. He did so with me.

    When my ex-husband began to increase his level of abuse toward the children something inside of me snapped. I broke my pact to stay angry with God and began to ask for His help. After a spiritual struggle of sorts - I really gave my life to Jesus and His service. Prior to this, I was the sort of Christian that knew how to be saved, but never really made the commitment whole heartedly. I prayed to Jesus begging Him to help me get out of this mess - He answered.

    A new wave of strength came over me. God began to transform my cowardly attributes into those of a courageous person - someone I did not know. I didn’t care if my abuser threatened to kill me. God provided me the materials I needed to get the children and me out safely through a friend who asked for some writing help on a College Paper - most curiously on abuse. As I gathered the information for her - I used it to plan our escape.

    After the final abusive incident, I walked out with my three boys - and the police subsequently granted me a restraining order against my abuser and removed 14 guns and weapons from my abusers home. Was it an easy road after this? No! I endured years of battle in court with my ex, and still am. My ex walked away smelling like a rose, getting away with a next-to-nothing child support order, and, in my opinion, the court actually took pity on him. He was slapped on the wrist for the abuse he admitted to in court in the form of mandatory “anger management classes” and “Psychiatric sessions”.

    I, in turn, had to leave my 3 bedroom colonial home, transform from “stay-at-home” mom to primary support of the children, scrub bathrooms and clean homes to make money, utilized state assistance when possible, left my “adult” status at the door and moved in with my parents for 5 years, patched up our scarred lives through the use of family therapists, scraped my sorry life off the floor, went back to college, and made a go of it.

    Only my pillow and God could divulge how many tears were shed as a result of this transformation from victim to victor. Each day still holds its stressors and sins --- it seems when God gives a person power, Satan adds more pressure. But I have freedom now - and that is worth it all.

    I left my abuser’s home a wife and stay-at-home mom with no money, no education, no job, no clothing and a $400.00 broken down car. I am now two classes away from obtaining my BA in Literature/Theatre, and I am in the Honors Program. I have a 3.906 GPA, and I have won dozens of scholarships. I am now working full time as a Deputy Tax Collector of a large NJ Township. I have just remarried to a wonderful, non-abusive man. I have lobbied for (and recently had introduced) a bill in NJ legislature that will mandate prison for abuser’s that break their restraining orders. I am a published writer, and I speak and write on Domestic Violence often. My boys are doing well.

    As an update to this testimony after years of medical issues that went unanswered I have finally been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia – no cure, and lots of pain. In addition my ex-husband continues to abuse me through the court system, and has most recently broken his restraining order. We will soon be in court once again. While I am beaten down by my physical state, and my stress levels are high due to my ex-husband, I know God is there and there is a reason for all this. I KNOW He will use it in my life to help others. By the way, I will graduate this year, with honors, from Ramapo College at age 45, and I anticipate receiving my NJ Certified Tax Collector's Licence in November.

    Survival. Jesus took the life I was willing to toss in the garbage, and lovingly restored it - He has made all things new in my life. He’s in the business of doing that though - using the weak and making them strong. I’m living proof. Can an abused life have a purpose? Mine has.
    Yours can too.

    By giving up too soon you might just miss what your life was originally intended for - I almost did.


    WW














  11. cyberchar

    cyberchar New Member

    I have had rheumatoid arthritis for 16 years, I have degenerative disc disease, I have Hepatitis C and now, thanks to the arthritis meds, I now have full blown cirrhosis of the liver. Last year after a horrible 8 days in the hospital when my liver and kidneys decided to quit working while I was on IV morphine. No one realized it until my respirations were 3 and my heart rate 30.

    I came home feeling worse than when I went in. Then on my follow up visit, the doctor told me that the diagnosis was grim and I had maybe 5 years to live. Now that'll take your breath away! But many years ago, my son's mother-in-law, after she had paid big bucks for their wedding, was found to have been stealing money from the 2 elderly women she took care of to the tune of over $100,000. The cops told my son if he didn't testify against her and his wife, he would be charged with them. I know we're not supposed to make deals with God but I did. I asked Him to keep my son out of trouble and said I would then never ask for help with my pain.

    So when the doctor gave me the news, I just said, "Gee, I won't ever be able to get commodities". (You have to be 60 to get them.) I have always just prayed for acceptance. It's not easy knowing I won't see my beautiful 3 year old granddaughter grow up, or my new great grandson even start school. But I've seen a friend of mine since kindergarten, some 52 years we've been friends, pray and pray that her husband will stop drinking, or her daughter will stop doing this, or that. And that God will help her pay her mortgage. She is getting more and more discouraged, Of course she is. God isn't going to put money in her bank account-but she has enough good farm land she could get almost 1/2 a million if she sold it. She just doesn't see maybe God provided that out for her financial problems. Every other day I get another prayer letter from her saying that if she sends it to ten people who send it to ten people, etc, etc that God will grant her prayers.

    So maybe just for a little while, try asking the Good Lord to give you acceptance of your disease, that God gave you parents that CARE about you and buy your food for you, and that no one has told you that tomorrow or the next day your kidneys will stop or your liver will fail and, "That's all folks!!".

    I know it's not easy. But it doesn't sound like you've gotten anywhere in your present mind set. So just give it a try, okay?

    All my best,
    Char