Deciding on pregnancy...did your CFIDS get better/worse?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Bacci, Apr 26, 2003.

  1. Bacci

    Bacci New Member

    I am 33 and have been dealing with CFIDS for about five years now. I had always hoped to be done with having kids by now but I haven't even started due to my illness (that, and not having a husband:) I could be getting married in the next couple years and would like to make an informed decision about having children. I am so afraid that I will have kids and then be so tired that I won't have the energy to raise them. I would appreciate ALL stories--good and bad--to let me know how your symptoms changed during and after pregnancy.
    Thanks so much for sharing this info with me! I appreciate it!

    Bacci
  2. pedals

    pedals New Member

    Dear Bacci, Hijust read your note on pregancy issues. Well I have fm for 16 plus years. After my first child the fm really set in then. Ten years later I had another child with active fm. During my pregancy I felt at my best. The only problem that came about was there was not enough of fluid in the sack. My baby almost died because of the lack of amn. fluid. An baby aspirin a day worked. It was due to poor circulation, which is caused from the fm. But I will tell you, I could have not felt so good !!!! No pain, stiffness ect, all that comes with fm. There were two other gals at work who also has fm. All pregant at the same time.I started that fade !! Haaahhaa Anyway, they also said, it was the best they ever felt. No pain ect.. All good pregancies. I told my m.d. how I felt during my pregancy and why can't they put two & two together ?? No real answer given. After the the birth of our daughter, all heck broke loose.. Had the post. baby blues real bad, spent three months in & out of the hospital. Not sure if it was related to the fm or not ?? The pain was so out of control, I could not walk, run,play ect.. It's almost 5 years ago this all happened. I am at home unable to work yet, tried several times. But the pain still controls me.. The other gals were all able to return back too work, their only complaint was after the birth they lost the engery they once had. But they have their good and bad days. We're all different, just remember that. On the other hand see to that you have a great husband like mine to give all the support needed. Have things ready for the big day incase things are rough for you. Every thing in reach , make it as easy as possable for your self and have family and friends near by for that extra help.. Enjoy the time they sleep it's the only time you'll get that sleep so much needed. Good luck!!! I do get out with my childern, with the different in ages, comes in helpful. I still can enjoy a good walk, ball games, fishing ect.. I just have to pace my self.. I would never trade my life for nothing, they are worth every ache and pain. I have a great famil !!!! maian
  3. tannat

    tannat New Member

    Did anyone have problems with weight loss during pregnancy? I lost 35lbs with the first, 25 with the second, and 30 with the third (this is towards the end of preg -vs- before pregnancy). My Dr tried everything to try to get me to gain weight! He had no idea what was happening, since I was eatng everything in sight!

    I'm starting to wonder if this could have been a FM related thing. Looking back, there were some signs of FM but nothing like what I'm having now.

    Tanna
  4. pedals

    pedals New Member

    Tanna, I had lost wt. also. Mr.Tiddy bowl man and i were best friends for 8 months. The wt. kept coming off, but there was no worry at all. My girl's wt. was 9# 6 oz. 23'' long. I have big babies. And she was only to be the wt. of 4#. The alturalsound wieght was 3 1/2 # , one week before del. date. She more then doubled in wt. Healthy girl. I gained 60# after i had her, it was caused fom remiron med. Everyone i khow that is on it gain lots of wt. Now it's a battle to get it all off!!!!! P.S. I craved banana runts!! pedals
  5. Bacci

    Bacci New Member

    Thanks so much for all the info! It is such a difficult question for me to resolve. I mean it's not like I can have kids and then if I am too tired just send them back! I am so worried about not having the energy to be a good mom--plus there is always the issue of finances since I can't work and any little money I have goes to health care. Everyone does say that having kids, despite their CFIDS/FM is the best thing they've done and they wouldn't trade it, but when you are on this side (not having them yet), it always seems so hard to make a decision. Still, I am not planning on doing it anytime soon and still have time to think about it--and hope that things get better in the meantime:) How old are your kids now and do they understand what you are going through? Was it difficult for them and do you feel capable of taking care of them and yourself? I mean, do you get enough time to rest and baby yourself? I sure appreciate your response and hope all is well.
    Bacci
  6. tannat

    tannat New Member

    I could understand the weight loss thing if I had been sick, but with 2 of the 3 pregnancies I never threw up once and ate like a pig! (wish I could do that now!) My biggest baby was 6lb 4oz and the smallest was 5lb 6oz (a lot bigger than they thought she would be)

    I would give anything to have more, but there are just to many health issues going on. We are in the process of adopting right now.

    As to bacci's question about how the kids are dealing with it, I have the most problems with my youngest one (7). She feels like she is not getting as much of me as she would like! The other 2 are 16 and 12 and have a pretty good understanding of whats going on. I will say that my kids are very self sufficient and know how to cook and clean as well as any adult. I try to not put to much on them, but as my husband just doesn't get it, I have to have help from somewhere.

    Tanna
  7. pedals

    pedals New Member

    hi Bacci & Tanna, well my kids are 4 & 15 yrs. old. My son had to dress me when he was 3 yrs. old. Kids are the best care takers. In order for me to get to work ( nursing) in the moring i needed help. We made it a game and it was fun, it helped me forget some of the pain. By the time i left the house i was ready for bed again. Once i got going it was better. After work Dan had his soccor games, cub scouts, plus i was a leader for scouts plus a den mother. It was h___! But he kept me going!!! My childern are very helpful and they understand. Dan was mad at me for some time, after i had ms.heather. I wasn't able to much of any thing period.. Then one day his doctor told him, he can be mad at the fm not mom. Mom is doing everything she can do. I didn't think of it that way, but boy has that ever worked for all of us. That's when i finally stopped killing myself and beating myself up over, not being able to do much.. My anger is so much more less now !!! Scale 1-10, it's about a 2 of anger, not bad... If you want to have childern, like i said, you must have a very supportive husband !!! Men don't think like us, and we are to be the super mom's !! My husband is a heaven sent !!!! He is so supportive, it's unreal !!!!Yes he cleans the house, shopping and works full time and just started his own business. Now my kids, they help out alot. Deal is, i do for you and you do for me, or forget it. And you also live here and that's your job!! Yes I get moans & groans from them, sometimes it's me groaning, then i get in trouble.HAHHAAA
    Dan was so great with his sister, you think it was his little girl !! I had to get him outside to play and be a kid !! I feel it's important for them to be a kid also, that's only a one time shot being a kid. So i tried real hard to set the kid & help apart different from one & the other. When i'm feeling real good, my inner child comes out. Nothing like a good ole water fight and i get them when they have no idea it's coming. Heck the carpet get a washing also !!! These are the moments my kids love, they know i still like to play like a kid, feels so good to let go!! Tanna, I will not have any more childern either. We went throu- so much after ms. heather was born, it's to risky . It real destoryed me. Could not walk for 3 months, beause the pain was at it's worse. In & out of the hospital for 6 months and many, many treatments since. Lost 3 months of ms. heather's infant bonding ect.. It tore me apart knowing i couldn't do nothing about it.. My whole family was effected by this misphap. We wish for more childern, but we'll have to adopt all my kids friends along the way !!! It's not cheaper either, still have to feed them and cloth them.. Won't change it at all. Fm isn't kind to us at all !! talk with u later bless u
  8. pedals

    pedals New Member

    Bacci, Your a good mom right now !! I know u don't have kids yet, but u are thinking of their lives, on how it will effect them !! That's real great!! We need that crystal ball for the if's of our lives huh!! Not everyone goes thro- the same as i did, we're all different. You'll make it work if you have to, it's all about pacing your self.. Have a great day pedals
  9. Bacci

    Bacci New Member

    Ah, you are too sweet! I really do appreciate all that you have shared with me. It is a balancing act I think. I keep weighing the advantages and disadvantages but it all comes down to what's in your heart. I watch a lot of tv because I am in bed all day. I tend to favor sit-coms about families, like Home Improvement, etc. I love watching shows like this because they make me laugh and they remind me of what I someday want in my life...a family to share my life with. I smile when I read about you having water fights with your kids. I know it's not all roses, but I do really enjoy the time I have with my niece when we sit by the lake and she swims, or when I read her stories or we play dress up. It's a nice, cozy existence for awhile. For now, I will just have to be a mom to animals. I am a huge animal lover and they are my babies.

    Hope all is well in your corner of the world:)
    Bacci
  10. Madelyn

    Madelyn New Member


    We all have different collections of symptoms, so my experience may not be yours. One pregnancy was horrific, the next was great. I was almost completely normal for the first time in several years. I stayed that way for two years after the birth while I nursed. BTW, both babies were very healthy and still are. I can't comment on your symptoms, but if you pace yourself and keep optimally healthy, you might may be fine.
    Being tired while raising them? Who isn't? Sometimes it is challenging, but I wouldn't have missed having them and being their mom!
    Tannat, I also lost weight during my one really bad pregnancy.. I weighed the same at two months as I did at delivery. The baby gained, but I lost. I gained about twenty pounds during the next one even though I ate like a pig! I still can't put on weight!
    Madelyn
  11. pedals

    pedals New Member

    I wish i could keep the wt. off. I pretty much been staying at the same wt. this last year. But gained wt. last 2 summers, unable to get out 2 walk ect... due to the pain. Went for a few walks lately, felt great!!! Now if I can get off these meds. i could lose so much more !!! Bacci, if u plan too get pg start getting active now, it'll help so much in the long run.. Kids are going to keep u running, so start now..Makes delivery so much easier also.. Let us know how things go for u in the future. I also have animals, they listen better then the kids !!!!! We all are animal lovers here also. Very spoiled babies. I will not have any more babies either, the lord gave me 2 womderful gifts, and will treasure them for ever !!!!! My part of the world is fine tonight, sun was out and it was purfect day. Have a great noc. pedals

    [This Message was Edited on 04/29/2003]