Decision NOT to vent

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by DeMcKen, Aug 10, 2003.

  1. DeMcKen

    DeMcKen New Member

    As I sit here, 2 1/2 hrs after trying to go to bed with the assistance of my amitryptilene and two Ambien, I was going to come to ImmuneSupport to rant and rave. But, instead of carrying on about how I'm going to try to save my house (and, if I save it, how I'm going to take care of it), or bemoaning the fact that my grass now reaches my knees or worrying incessantly that I'm being a horrible mother I WILL BE HAPPY. For today....

    I found dishes. Yes, after fifteen months I've finally found one of the boxes that contained REAL dishes and UNPACKED it! So YAY FOR ME!

    What do all of you noble sufferers say to joining me? Instead of stressing over all our aches and pains, all our financial worries, the neverending pile up of housework that doesn't get done...stop and congratulate yourself for something you DID do today. Even if it was just smiling at a family member when you felt like screaming instead. Or, if it's a really bad day, apologizing to the family member you just screamed at.

    I am feeling so much better choosing to be proud of the one little box I took care of than choosing to stress out and batter myself over the remaining 100 boxes, or the leaking roof, or the flood in the basement I just found when I went to try to do laundry. I'm looking forward to hearing some of YOUR conquests tomorrow! Goodnight,

    Denise (yay for me)
  2. teach6

    teach6 New Member

    I moderate an online self-help course for people with CFS and FM. The most recent of these just ended. In my farewell message to my group I encouraged them to think in terms of baby steps when setting goals or measuring accomplishments they make.

    To many people what we do may seem like nothing, but we all know better. It is too easy to get caught up in the should of life and tell ourselves we "should" be better, or do more, or whatever.

    A good friend once told me "Shoulds are sh**." She was exactly right and whenver I get caught up in the should of life I try to remember her wise words to me and let the shoulds go.

    So, congratulations Denise, on a job well done. I still remember what it was like to have to unpack when I was ill two years ago. I think I still have a few boxes left to do, and one day I'll get around to them!

    Barbara
  3. BILLCAMO

    BILLCAMO New Member

    LIFE'S LITTLE PLEASURES ARE THE BEST!!!!!!!!! DENISE...... these dd's. i've gotten , acquired , or whatever the correct term may be...... have only reinforced that belief for me !!!!!!!!!! blessings & take care !!!!!!! billcamo.
  4. Jen F

    Jen F New Member

    It's nice to hear the good things!

    though, Denise, I would try to get on that flood in the basement, lol!! Oh dear...

    yes, I can understand those of you who are in fact good parents must feel guilty a lot with trying to cope with this illness and take care of a child...

    I can't even take care of my beloved cat as well as I would like. If I'm too tired to get my food, he usually doesn't get his canned food either, til after I've managed to feed myself. but, I do the best I can and a number have told me that I do more than most, given that he has some health problems now.

    Sandy, that's excellent to hear how you prepared your daughter so well for this change in her body. I wasn't really freaked when i got mine, but I wasn't completely sure what it was either. sounds like you did really good with your daughter, much better than your own mom did with you.

    My good thing: got out shopping to pick up some necessary supplies.

    So, even though I am having trouble feeding myself healthy food tonight [so tired] I did accomplish something today and I got out.

    jen
  5. Lana56

    Lana56 New Member

    Denise,
    You made my day(or should I say night since it is after midnight)And i think it is great to be reminded of the good we do in a day.Yesterday was my Anniversary(23 years!)I have been sick lately and very depressed with many problems with life.I got up in tears thinking about everything.Had a good cry and looked at my husband and said"Happy Anniversay and lets get out for the day." We took off and went to the beach with a lot of things to do.I was in a lot of pain,but I pushed to give my husband a fun day.We were laughing and having a good time being out with people and doing something.So thanks for helping me see that I did something important for myself and my husband. Lana56
  6. DeMcKen

    DeMcKen New Member

    That's an EXCELLENT thing you did for your daughter. (I know they're getting it younger all the time. I started talking to my daughter about it before 9, just in case. Thankfully she waited until 12 :)

    You did a good thing. congratulations to you and a little boo-hoo from one mom to another

    Denise
  7. Sunshyne1027

    Sunshyne1027 New Member

    I used to be the kind to rant and rave, I call it throwing temper tantrums, denial, anger, all the stages that come with being diagnosed and living and coming to terms with FM. I used to concentrate too much on the shouldves also.

    I smiled and spread kindness and goodness to others around met today. I got short tempered with one of my sons today, and aplogized. I was able to make dinner, through the pain. Did a little grocery shopping on the way home from church. Took a much needed nap, actually said its time for just me.. Neck pain and headaches have been going on for days for me now. Its getting so old. But yeah.. I can still look at the good things around me.

  8. BILLCAMO

    BILLCAMO New Member

    another comment...... then my favorite song came on the radio....... NOTHING ELSE MATTERS..... by metallica.... pretty much covered it for me........... blessings !!!!!! billcamo.
  9. fibrodoll

    fibrodoll New Member



    cause my daughter thought I was mad at her. I told her it wasn't her, I was just tired and mad at my body. Sometimes no matter how hard I try, my pain takes over and it's not easy to control.

    I admitted I was human. Valerie.
  10. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I really liked your post. Its a very good point. Asking myself if I focus on what I can do, I realized I do. It does make me feel better to think that way. Also, I have a calender where I jot down some things on each day that I have gotten done. It makes me feel good to look at it because I see that I`ve accompliced more then I give myself credit for.
  11. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Know that I don't think we can completely heal while we are in the anger stage of grieving. Therapy helps, but there is a lot we can do on our own too, like finding things to feel grateful for. It usually isn't the big stuff which sends us over the edge. It's a cumulative stress from all the little stuff. Positive little stuff, conversely, can lift us up. It's like a bank account. The more positive stuff we have in our bank, the less it bothers us when negative stuff makes a withdrawal.

    I think I'll post on another thread and ask for all the creative ways folks are managing to stay positive.

    Love, Mikie
  12. shoshi68

    shoshi68 New Member

    I am finally learning to eliminate toxic situations and people from my day to day life. feeling better because of it... i'll take that!

    shoshi
  13. epicurean

    epicurean New Member

    yesterday.I made my husband some creme brulee for dessert.It really made me happy to see how much he enjoyed it!!
    [This Message was Edited on 08/11/2003]
  14. Dogtired

    Dogtired New Member

    Denise & all,
    I love this line of thinking!
    Before I even knew what was wrong with me, I started making a Done List for the day instead of fretting over what didn't get done.
    Some days it was pretty long, others it was short:
    1)showered
    2)returned phone call
    3)ate decent meal
    4)did load of laundry
    Doing this gave me a sense of accomplishment and compassion for myself even on the "lowest functioning" days. Give it a try :)
    -Kristi
    P.S. didn't intend to pick the wagging butt icon!!!
    [This Message was Edited on 08/11/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 08/11/2003]
  15. Takesha

    Takesha New Member

    Being positive is not always easy especially when you have others around you who don't understand what these DD's do to a person. I am fortunate, I don't have to deal with this problem. Still, I have my days. I am not a person to ask "why me?" I think "why not me" after all I am not any differnt than anyone else...so I just take it one day at a time. I, like many others have lost my "dreams" to FMS and had to ask whats next? I don't compare myself to others or even the person I once was, that helps. I stopped going nuts trying to find a cure or miraculous drug...I just accept that this is something I have to live with until something is discovered that works (although I try to educate myself). I have dug deep within myself to find the part of me I didn't know existed, new hobbies, talents, things of interest, that I can do. I list everyday 3-5 things that I am grateful for. And I know that even though I feel like I might be dying...I am not. But there are people who are dying from their diseases. For me, the more I recite my symptoms and how bad I feel, the more I talk myself out of doing what little I can do...so I don't talk about it unless I have to. We all are differnt, and approach our DD's differently. I know I still have a lot to give to others as well as myself, I just offer it by the tablespoon now instead of by the cup!
    Takesha
  16. jkd7058

    jkd7058 New Member

    I was thinking of posting a very similar message. I too am trying to think of the positive while dealing with this DD. Yesterday I was so excited that I walked up and down the basement steps! Not hobbled - I walked up and down just like a normal person. It's those little things that will keep us going.
  17. wle

    wle New Member

    I try everyday to voice something that I am thankful for. There are really soooooooooo many things that we overlook when we are in pain or stressed out. My husband is my biggest blessing..........today I am thankful for him and all the years we have had together..........................