Denial & Getting Help

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Mikie, Jul 21, 2003.

  1. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    So many of us, including me, were in denial in the beginning, trying bravely to carry on despite a degradation of my health. It isn't easy to admit to ourselves we are sick and often, we don't want to let our loves ones down. I did this until I literally could not get out of bed one more day and go to work. Thank God, I was self-employed.

    We usually have a lot more options than we think we do, but the longer we postpone facing reality, the fewer options we have. We need to get some therapy and get some practical help in making a plan. Unfortunately, it is often easier to just give up, go into depression, and let life just toss us around. This leads to more depression and can have devastating effects on our families and loved ones.

    Learning to see options takes practice. I have always loved the game of billiards because no matter how bad the table looks, you almost always have at least one decent option, even if it is to play a safety. At first, the table may appear to give you no options. You have to walk around and look at it from different perspectives. It is then that a shot will often present itself.

    This can be applied to our lives too. Exercising our options may be playing a safety or taking a risk. We may have to make some sacrifices in order to exercise an option, but no matter what we do, it beats just doing nothing and giving up our options.

    Please think about having a plan and at least one backup plan for handling your lives with these illnesses. It is empowering, but it cannot wait until all options are gone.

    Love, Mikie
  2. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    It is so much easier to exercise our options when we start out with smaller decisions. It give us practice and empowerment. Thanks for this great advice.

    Love, Mikie
  3. kmelodyg

    kmelodyg New Member

    That is exactly how I feel. I finally came to grips with this not too long ago. Now I refuse to give up on looking for ways to control my symptoms. There are millions of ways to go. And I refuse to take the "easy way out". There are so many medications, therapies, and supplements that have helped so many others. You just have to keep on trying, Just "keep on truckin'"!! Never give up! Stay strong! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!! (That's my new motto!)

  4. Mrs. B

    Mrs. B New Member

    I occasionally allow myself to drift into the dark, gloomy void. However, I can relate to your pool analogy and I will remember that next time to "pull myself up by the bootstraps." Not only that but, I intend to work on options starting to day for those "just in case times."

    Thanks for the guidance and encouragement.

    God bless,
  5. Dara

    Dara New Member

    I was seeing a therapist for awhile, one who dealt with only chronic pain patients. She suggested a book to me, "A Delicate Balance, Living Successfully with Chronic Illness", by Susan Milstrey Wells. "A wise, thoughtful approach to helping people with chronic illness understand themselves & find the help they need." This book might be of some help to others.


    EZBRUZR New Member

    It is awsome the way so many of you can take the power out of powerless just with typed thoughts!Mikie you have managed what seemed to be an impossible thought process for me and took a way the "I can't" I kept running into. What a concept,slow down,think,plan I MUST place this in several areas of living enviorment as to benefit myself and those co-habitating w/me. Thank-you! Peace,Ez
  7. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I have enjoyed reading all the responses to this post. I am also shamelessly bumping for others to see; it's about to roll over.

    Love, Mikie
  8. KayL

    KayL New Member

    BUMP! It's about to roll over - again.............
  9. zggygirl

    zggygirl New Member

    I'm feeling pretty yucky today so that may be part of the problem but...
    Mikie you wrote "Please think about having a plan and at least one backup plan for handling your lives with these illnesses."
    Could you give me a more concrete example of what you mean?
    I just am having a hard time grasping the concept.
  10. bamboo

    bamboo New Member

    i love your wisdom and only wish that you would write a book yourself! thank you for your posting and for the many others i have read that are so kind and helpful to everyone. we are so fortunate to have you as a moderator (shirl, too, of course). therapy has been the greatest investment i have ever made in myself and i am sure that had i not made it a priority and a commitment, i would be in a much worse position. that kind of support is invaluable in helping me see options when i think i've run out. thanks for your encouragement and vision.
    take care,
  11. bamboo

    bamboo New Member

    i especially cherish whenever someone shares the title of a book that they have found encouraging and supportive. i will be looking for the book you recommended at the library. maybe we should have a chat group just for these books. . .okay, i digress. so, thanks, dara, for the suggestion!
  12. Patti2

    Patti2 New Member

    Words of wisdom from you again. The sarinity prayer helps me alot. Should would be alot of changes for everyone here!
  13. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    I am talking about everything in life when I say to have a plan. I am soon going to be trying to return to work. If I find that I cannot tolerate a job which allows me to stay in my condo, I have a backup plan to sell it and purchase outright a mobile home so that I can get by on a lower-paying job. This enables me to not worry about what will happen to me.

    I am constantly learning about new treatments. If the ones I am on do not make me well, there are others in the wings just waiting.

    My point is that we should know our options and constantly be open to new ones. This is true for everyone, but especially for us. We shouldn't just sit and accept what happens to us.

    When I had surgery on my right arm, my doc told me I would be able to write afterward. He lied. My arm was casted and splinted tight to my chest. The next morning, I did the crossword puzzle with my left hand and practiced writing with my left hand until I could write with it. It only took a couple of days. That was my Plan B instead of just waiting for the months it would take for me to use my right hand. Had I known in advance, I would have learned to write with my left hand before the surgery. Being flexible is a big part of being empowered too.

    Always be looking for new docs and new treatments. Always be thinking about "what if..."

    Love, Mikie
  14. stillfighting

    stillfighting New Member

    Mikie, loved your post! I hope you are able to find a boss as understanding as mine--he's a gem. In addition to working out some accommodations I suggested, he has suggested some of his own. It helps that I've been working in the same job for the past 9 years, but it was so frightening to tell him that I could no longer think on my feet and solve complex problems--both requirements of my job.

    One thing you may want to do is check out your rights under the Americans with Disabilities Act. You can find a lot of good info under the EEOC website. I wouldn't recommend getting in a prospective employer's face before being offered a job, but if you need an accommodation such as rest periods to work a full day, or a special type of chair, mention this after you've received an offer. Large employers may be easier to work with in this regard.

    Let us know how the job hunt goes, or if you decide to do something different. I think we all learn from one another's journeys!

  15. zggygirl

    zggygirl New Member

    Hi Mikie,
    Now I understand what you were saying. I guess I don't have all those backup plans yet, but I know I need them if only for peace of mind!
    I'm chipping away at it I think. It's been a hell of a year, but I think I am making some progess. Just felt like I was being bounced around like a pinball before. Now I feel well, like a leaf in the wind {G} Hey, it's better, really it is!
    Anwyway thanks for explaining that to me. I really wanted to understand what you meant but just couldn't.
    Take care and good luck on the job hunt and all.
  16. IntuneJune

    IntuneJune New Member


    Did you notice someone else suggested you write a book???
    Fondly, June

  17. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    If I had the money to wait until I could try to sell a book, I would love to write one, but I don't. If I have to work, I'm not sure I would have the energy to write after work. Thanks for the compliment though.

    Thanks too for the heads up on the mobile home area. I had kind of thought I might move up to SC near the coast. I really don't have anything totally firmed up yet. I will try to work here. My condo payments aren't that large, so if I can find even a decent job, I should be OK.

    Love, Mikie
  18. tansy

    tansy New Member

    I do believe we have many options and choices, may not be the same as *normals* but they're there all the same.

    Despite having a pretty severe form of these DDs I have always been able to manage to do and learn, but did so by working with my disabilites not against them. Alongside this I concentrate on just being too.

    I'm still wading through the treatment options finding which would be most appropiate for me, due to living in the UK most of what I do is going to have to be self sought and financed. Apart from the financial side I feel good about this because I'm taking additional positive steps, this is good for my emotional wellbeing ie I'm not allowing these DDs to take complete control of my life. Like Klutzo if I don't positively address the health problems I have I find they get me down.

    Though I have a very long way to go, and it can sometimes feel overwhelming, I know nothing will heppen overnight.

    Like you my local environment is not good for me, but physically and financially there's not much I can do about that at the moment so I have to find means of strengthening my body's ability to cope with it all. If these factors improve I will move to a less polluted environment.

    All my plans are flexible, they allow for physical ups and downs and I adapt them as time and experience teach me I need to.

    The red tide is a real bummer for you Mikie, it must be so frustrating just having to wait it all out.



    ps I too went through denial for years, especially if I mentioned problems to doctors and they had no real answers. thought I could just push through it all!

    [This Message was Edited on 07/23/2003]
    [This Message was Edited on 07/23/2003]