I'm in a flare up today, I don't like what's going on, and I don't know how to let it just happen, I have to get angry and try to figure it out every single time I go thru this. I think I can "think" my way out of FMS. I think I can figure it out and prevent it from occuring at all, or cure myself from it. I don't want to acept this as part of my life, even after 3 years of this. I keep telling myself I am not sick, I don't have a disabling disease, its not real. After all, "they" can't find it, so it must not be real right? How do you all accept it? I get tired of the mental battles with myself. I won't go outside like this, because I walk like a freak. I feel like a freak. I feel less human than the rest of the world. I hate myself on these days, as if I did something horribly bad to get this way? Does anyone else go thru this? I'm so angry, can't stop crying now. I want this out of me. I'm so damn (excuse me please) angry. I told my boyfriend I do not want to live this way anymore, and he said, well, unfortunately you don't have much choice. Why is that? Am I being overly naiive in thinking I shouldn't have to live this way? That it is entirely unfair that I do live this way? That I am 29 and should be living a FULL life still? And not worried if I walk like I have MS or something else? I also told him I don't know how to have a normal life like this, when I'm unreliable and undependable, from one minute (basically) to the next, he said I have to make this a normal part of my life. WHY!!! I don't want to! I shouldn't have to. When I get like this, I walk as if I have MS or something? A lot of people have asked me if I have MS when I do go out in public like this. I asked the doctor why I have days when I walk like this, and she said maybe I have NARCOLEPSY?????? WHAT??????? I am definitely NOT a physician, but Narcolepsy????? I can't imagine why she would say that to me? I knw I am probably not getting the medical care I should, but I'm so tired of finding a new doctor and going thru this, and being treated as if I'm insane and having dillusions that I hurt and being told they have no idea why I walk this way. I don't have the energy or desire to seek another doc now. Thanks for listening you guys, I am so glad to have a place I can come and spew likthis. tonia d.