Dependency is the worst part of being sick

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Honora88, Aug 11, 2008.

  1. Honora88

    Honora88 Member

    THe worst thing about being sick is being dependent on other people.

    My parents are driving me up the wall.

    1) They won't try to read what cfid is and criticize me or tell me that I am not trying hard enough( I should force my stomach to overcome allergens instead of avoiding wheat and gluten because they have seen people like me overcome illnesses when they were forced to fight in a war) another time he mentioned that if I had to go to war, my symptoms would be gone after a few months.

    2) My mother told me that my ass was huge and I am fat. i am 5'4" and 118 lbs. She also said I act like an old lady with so many ailments yet refuses to listen to my explanation that this is a systemic illness.

    3) They refuse to listen or meet me half way and are set in their way. They are extremely stubborn don't like to be wrong about anything. My dad said yesterday I had to stop my energy healing (I sneak behind his back when he is sleeping) even if it is making me feel better because I need to be normal. He also said to stop talking about my symptoms and just suck it up

    The problem is I don't have money (credit card debt after getting sick) to just get up and go. I am dependent on them. There is no control. I can only control how I react. I have to put up with their insensitivity.

    At the same time I imagine how people can pull away from their spouses, families or friends who they depend on. It's easy to see that at any point, the people in your life can turn on you through frustration and you are really stuck.
    [This Message was Edited on 08/11/2008]
    [This Message was Edited on 08/11/2008]
    [This Message was Edited on 08/11/2008]
  2. sleepyinlalaland

    sleepyinlalaland New Member

    people who don't understand you and who belittle your condition sounds truly terrible.

    I'm sorry I have no general advice, and hope that others will, but I DO have a suggestion about your gluten intolerance. Google Celiac Disease and find a factual scientific article to print out. Emphasize the GENETIC componetic (you can actually have a gut biopsy to prove you have it). It's possible that you have that and maybe the facts could help persuade them to have you checked.

    Best wishes, sleepy
  3. meditationlotus

    meditationlotus New Member

    you stood up to them. If you told them that the next time they are sick and puking and can't get out of bed, that they had better "suck it up".

    Once people have no respect for my illness, I find my love for them "going out the window." I pray for them, but keep that love at arm's length, and may end the relationship.

    Does you doctor support you? If so, apply for disability. DON'T EVEN TELL THEM. Do any of you friends believe you? Let them support you.

    If you apply for disability, read what Scott Davis has to say on this website. Know what you are doing before you fill out the application. Social Security people will refer to the application throughout the entire disability process. Don't build yourself. Follow Scott Davis' advice completely.

    If you are unable to work all all, his office might even represent you. He has a very high success rate and lots of experience with CFS/FM.

    Once you have your disability, if you can live on it, move out, even if it is in public housing. Then keep your parents at a distance until THEY LEARN TO GROW UP.
    [This Message was Edited on 08/11/2008]
  4. meditationlotus

    meditationlotus New Member

    you sound skinny to me.
  5. JodiLA

    JodiLA New Member

    I can't tell you how many times I wished that I could let another person live in my body for 5 minutes. After that, there would be NO MORE to be said. They just don't understand. Get empowered. You do have value!!! Find a way out - how about work at home?? JodiLA
  6. Gingareeree

    Gingareeree New Member

    Are you under 18yrs. of age? If so, your parents are still responsible for you and probably feel at liberty to voice their opinions. If you are over 18, are you living with them because of finincial difficulties due to your illness? If so, they may be feeling frustrated as well and directing their frustration onto you. Are there any other living arrangements possible other than living with your parents?
  7. JD99

    JD99 New Member

    I'm assuming that you - like me - are on the younger side since your mother says you're acting like an old lady. I've been told I'm the youngest old person they know by several people and I know it doesn't help you any to hear that.

    The people I work with are very much like your parents so I know what you're going through. I've discovered that most people cannot relate to another person's pain unless it is a pain they have had or currently have and the more you try to explain it to them the more impatient they get because they don't want to hear it anymore. I wish I had some easy solution to tell you but what I've found is you simply have to state what your needs are as fact. Tell them what you need. They may still give you grief over it but fact is fact. At work I compromise sometimes and tell them "If you do this for me I can do this for you".

    It's especially hard having an illness like this that no one can see on the outside. I went over to a motorized cart in the grocery store and got glared at by a woman like I was a 12 year old about to boost grandma's wheelchair. People just don't stop to think that the outside doesn't tell the whole picture and because you aren't walking around with a cane or screaming in pain that you might be having difficulties.

    The main thing is to remind yourself that you're doing the best you can, doing all you can, from one minute to the next which is easier said than done. In the end what matters most is what you think of yourself and you have to try to block negative people out of your mind.
  8. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    I weigh 120 and am 5 4" and I don't consider myself overweight at all.

    I'm sorry you are having to go through this, with this dd we don't need anymore stress. Do you have friends that believe in you?

    Sending you positive thoughts.
    Gentle hugs, Susan
  9. Malcolm82

    Malcolm82 New Member

    There are so many people out there who just don't understand.

    I've been dropped by almost all the friends I used to know since I've been sick.

    I know most people think these aren't real diseases, that what ever is wrong with us is just cause we're weak.

    I don't like to wish bad things on anyone, but I wish they could be in our shoes for just one day so they could understand.

    I'm fortunate to have an understanding family, but I think some of them get frustrated with me at times. I guess I can't blame them.

    I definitely don't have to deal with what you are dealing with. Maybe the fact that they don't seem to want to learn anything about your condition might mean they are realizing something is really wrong, but can't come to terms with it, can't believe it is really happening to you? Kind of like denial?

    Some family counceling might help, but the trick is getting them to go.

    Do you have a good doctor that could explain what you are going through to them and that you can't help it? That might be a good first step if you haven't already tried it. Some people need to get it right between the eyes in order to get a clue.

    Hang in there!!!!!!!!
  10. dragon06

    dragon06 New Member

    Why don't you apply for disability so that you can get out on your own. With disability you could get into low income housing and probably make a go of it.

    It takes awhile to get into both of those things so you should start as early as you can.

    But that would be something you could do to get out from being dependent on them.
  11. kat0465

    kat0465 New Member

    im 5"4 and i come in at a whopping 168!!! your mother would be horrified,lol.