Depressed and Alone

Discussion in 'Homebound/Bedbound' started by Duke3522, Dec 15, 2014.

  1. Duke3522

    Duke3522 Member

    Hi. I am a 53yo male who is almost totally home bound due to a series of chronic problems. I had my first back surgery when I was 16, and have had pain problems my entire life. I now live in a small home that, up until the 1st of this month, I shared with my son. I am on SSI, and beside my son, I don't have any friends or family.

    So to make a long story short, at the 1st of the month my son abandoned me. It's because a female convinced him I am just a lazy slacker who was simply using him for his money. He has also turned away from everyone else in his life. This girl pretty much controls everything he does. I have not seen or heard from him since December 1st.

    So now I am deeply depressed. I was totally unprepared for this financially and emotionally. I sit and cry everyday. I see the cat he left behind (Noob) and see he is just as sad as I am. Now I have to face the winter completely alone, and for the first time in my life I am scared.

    Scared of being snowed in. Trapped because I can't shovel snow to get my truck out. Scared my truck will need a repair that I can't pay for. Scared one of my cats will get sick, and I won't be able to help them.

    I'm lonely, scared, and I feel the sadness and depression will never end. Right now, the way my son left me, I have a $10 bill, and some change, to last until the end of the month. But it really isn't about the money. It's about how my son could change so fast. I would never have dreamed he would do something like this.

    sorry for going on and on.
  2. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    Hi Duke

    Welcome to the board. Sorry to hear about your problems. I think being lonely and
    scared and depressed is an appropriate reaction to your situation.

    You need to ask for help. Maybe you have already started. At any rate, get a
    notebook and a phone book. Look up State, County and City departments that sound
    like they might be able to help you.

    Keep track of the phone numbers, the date and time of the call, who you talk to,
    and what position that person fills. If you are told one place can't help, ask
    for suggestions about other resources that might be helpful.

    Call churches and charity organizations. See if there are any food banks where you
    live. My brother in Minnesota lives in a village, and even they have a pantry that
    is open twice a week and provides free groceries to folks who are in need.

    Talk to the welfare people. When I was a social worker, every county in our state
    provided Aid to the Disabled. The money came from both the state and Federal
    governments. Call churches. See if they have any volunteers that
    could take you shopping; or do the shopping for you. Or help you with cleaning and
    other errands.

    I know it takes a lot of energy, but you need to take steps. Set yourself whatever
    is a reasonable goal. Ten phone calls a day? I always keep a book on hand so
    I have something to read when they put me on hold.

    If you are not getting some help after a reasonable time, start calling newspapers,
    radio and TV stations.

    Best of luck to you. Let us know how you are doing.

    dannysnanny, Soul* and gb66 like this.
  3. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Hi, Duke,

    I'm glad you found us but sorry for your situation. I agree with Rock that your reaction to being abandoned by your son is normal and appropriate.

    I suggest you call the Salvation Army and tell them your situation. They are wonderful at helping people or referring people to places which can help. Right now, decide what your greatest physical need is and try to find help with that. Later, when you have your survival needs met, try to find some kind of help with dealing with your emotional needs. You have needs on several levels so you need to prioritize to identify what is most important right now.

    Bless you and good luck.

    Love, Mikie
    gb66, Soul* and rockgor like this.
  4. Nanie46

    Nanie46 Moderator

    Hi Duke,

    I agree with Rock and Mikie that it is time to ask for help. Keep checking with different organizations and don't give up.

    During the hardest times of my life, I have found that the most helpful things to pull me up out of the pit are to

    listen to positive, encouraging music as much as possible (I like, read lots of inspirational stories

    and books (you can find things online if you can't buy something), listen to Joyce Meyer's broadcasts online (found

    at (scroll down the page to see a long list of topics/broadcasts

    that you can scroll down and listen to), find some way to be a blessing and encouragement to someone else

    (doesn't have to cost money) and pray. Surrounding yourself with positive things does help a lot.

    I will say a prayer for you, and also for your son. Your son will likely get tired of this woman's controlling nature.

    Keep in touch with us here. You will get through this.
    gb66 likes this.
  5. caregivers

    caregivers Member

    Hi Duke,

    Sorry to hear about your circumstances but I agree with the other responders... you need to reach out for help.

    I am a professional caregiver who works for Senior and Disabled Services, a division of Dept. Health and Human Services. Call your local branch (look in front or back of your phone book for State listings) and tell them your family caregiver left you and you need help ASAP. If you already have a case worker, call and tell them you need a new assessment as your caregiver left you.

    I would also call a few churches as many provide services. In my community, we also have church firewood gatherers who deliver firewood. For your snow situations, do have a neighbor who might help you out?, or try the church groups.

    Call your local food bank and get signed up for monthly food box in addition to your food stamps. Check your local churches for free lunch programs, or Elks Club, meals on Wheels delivers meals to the disabled and elderly.

    For your truck, try the local high school and see if they have an auto repair program. Many disabled in my community get free and very low cost services from the high school program. Talk to the teacher who runs the program. See if your area has a paratransit program for the disabled, check with bus and taxi companies. If you have disability, doctors visits transportation are paid for by SDS using vouchers with local taxi companies. In Oregon its called Ride Source.

    For your kitties, try the local human society. Many have very cheap services. In my town they will even give you emergency food for the cats. I recently found a program in Eugene where I could get a client's pit bull spayed for $10... well worth the trip.

    When I was caring for my mom with Alzheimer's I battled depression, and one thing that someone recommended to me really helped. I kept a few funny video's on the tv for when I felt terrible, and I would watch one when I was desperate.... it really helped. My fav was Truth About Cats and Dogs, I can't help but bust out laughin at Ninja Cat knife fight. I also joined many groups to meet new people and get out of the house where I met some life-saving friends.

    Hang in there, things can only get better. Sharon
    dannysnanny and rockgor like this.

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