I'm not usually a whiner, so I really apologize in advance. This will come across as a long, whiny note, but I really need a shoulder and some good, sound advice. I don't know where else to go for it. Had a big fight with my hubby last night that started out being so, so stupid - about the dishes of all things. I asked him to help me with them and he said "in a little while". I told him "That's what you said last night and those dishes are still sitting here. You know I hate to leave dishes in the sink." He said he never said that, that it was the night before that he said that to me that and he did those dishes. I told him that the night before I did them myself and we did have that conversation and those dishes were still sitting there. He said that I always say that I forget things (fibro fog) and that I forgot and I was wrong. I told him that I'm the first to admit when I do forget something, but my memory was crystal clear on this. He said he was tired of always being told he was wrong about everything, which is not true. Sometimes he is wrong about things, but not always, and sometimes I am wrong and I'll admit it when I am, but it really irritated me to be told I was wrong when I knew I wasn't. I told him that I have to live with this DD which causes me so much pain on a daily basis, and that lots of people have to quit their jobs because of it, but I still work 40 hrs. a week and still come home and make dinner nearly every night, and only wanted a little help with the dishes and couldn't even get that. Told him I didn't feel appreciated and felt taken for granted and maybe I'd just stop worrying about making dinner when I come home tired and in pain. Anyway, it rapidly progressed to him admitting his frustration with not understanding what I go through on a daily basis with the DD, and his frustration with his job stresses, and him worrying about his parents problems, and his issues dealing with my son, and evidently a million other things that he has been keeping inside rather than coming out and discussing with me because he knows I don't handle stress well. Little old oblivious me, just goes about my daily business as best I am able, tries to manage my pain, and assumes that all is peachy in the marriage. Boy was I in for a rude awakening. Guess his main issue, which I desperately need advice on, is my 22 year old son, who lives with us. My son doesn't drink, smoke, steal, do drugs or anything of the sort. He is basically a real nice kid. His main problem is that he is very unmotivated. He doesn't have a college education and doesn't have much work experience, so after a 6 month search, he finally found a job with Garden Ridge, but it's only part-time. He's not making enough money to do much of anything with, (doesn't have his own car either) but he is saving what he makes. I've told him that since he is working he will need to be responsible for his own personal products, toiletries, etc. from now on. But he doesn't have any other bills, and doesn't offer to help with groceries or when we go out to dinner. He keeps his room clean, does his own laundry, and cooks for himself, but that's about all he does around the house. I have to tell him to take the garbage out when it's full instead of him taking the incentive to do it himself. Hubby thinks (and rightly so) that my son needs to have more responsibilities around the house, since both he and I work 40+ hrs, and my son works half that. But hubby has never come out and said anything to my son about these things. Since he is not his father, he doesn't seem to feel it's his place to do that, so he brings it all to me in the form of complaining, not in the form of offering solutions. I know I am not a really effective parent, and I told my hubby that when I met him. I didn't have any guidance myself when I was growing up on how to prepare myself for life or take care of myself or be an effective and responsible adult. My parents split when I was young, I hardly ever saw my father after that, and my mother was bitter and hateful and took it out on me and my sisters. All we really learned from her was that we wanted to do everything possible to get out of her house as soon as we were old enough. As a result of my upbringing, I ended up having a child alone at age 21 and trying to raise him as best I could. I was determined that he not hate me the way I hated my own mother, so I was not as strict as I should have been with him, but I did the best I knew how to do. Obviously I did not teach him responsibility, but his motivation has to come from within, and I don't know what to do about that. He is content to live with us, work part-time, do as little as possible around the house, and play his video games. He is a very book-smart person, but is emotionally immature. He doesn't have many friends, as he was always shy, plus we just moved to NC a year ago. He doesn't know anyone he could be roommates with, and doesn't have any romantic interests. As things stand, my hubby doesn't think my son will ever get a life of his own or move out from under our roof. I have absolutely no idea at all how to go about convincing my son to set some goals, but then again, I didn't have any of my own at his age. Evidently my hubby is really tired of supporting my son, whom he seems to feel doesn't care about anyone but himself. Now that all of this has come out, seems it may cause some major issues in our marriage. I'm upset, I'm frustrated, and I don't have a clue what to do. I love my husband, I love my son, and I only wish they would learn to communicate. It's not that they don't get along, because they do. But everytime my hubby has an issue with my son, he won't go to him with it, he comes to me and complains, which puts me on stress overload. All of this has come to the surface now because I just wanted a little appreciation and compassion from my hubby because of this disease, and I spoke up cause I wasn't getting it. Obviously he's been holding lots of things in that are bothering him that I was unaware of. Yes, I admit that my son needs to get motivated, but I was unaware of this being such a huge issue in my marriage. Some days I can't think past my pain to resolve the smallest problem, and this one seems unsurmountable. I would love it if my son would get up and do the dishes, or my hubby would offer me a massage for my painful muscles, or I knew that there was harmony and contentment in my home. Obviously I've been living under a huge cloud of disillusionment in believing that there was. Any takers on this one?? I'm just really upset today. We're really not religious people, and I can't afford a family therapist, nor do I think it would do my son much good, so those options are out. Once again, so sorry for this gripe and complain session. Just looking for advice.