Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by shari1677, Dec 14, 2010.

  1. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    Well it happened. I have officially lost my last friend. I saw it coming, but tried to fight it. We were tight before I got ill - went out and partied every weekend, etc. But now, I'm lucky if I get out of bed to work.

    I'm depressed and in pain. I've been extra tired lately. I live in the "snow belt of the snow belt" of my area and we have really been hit. I think that kind of weather change has had a really adverse effect on my fibro.

    I'm trying to keep my head up. I know this depression will lift and my pain will subside to a certain degree........its just hard to live through every once in a while, ya know?

    Tx for listening.
  2. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    I'm in Calif and could never ever imagine living where it snows! My pain level goes up when it just rains, which isn't even very often where I live. My heating pad and warming blanket are my best buddies.

    I don't have many friends at all, never really have. I honestly don't have the energy for anything more than my own family. My closest friend also suffers from Depr, so we're not a very healthy match...kind of drag each other down anymore. I don't talk to her much anymore. Sad, but necessary for my own peace of mind.

    I have pets who love me no matter what. They are always nice to me and understand when I don't feel well. Cats are the best IMO, they don't take too much care and are easy to have around. Do you have a pet? Might be good for you.

    This time of year is hard, with the holidays and all of the hype. I personally would like to fast forward to January, there is too much work/shopping to do for my minimal energy levels! Went to the mall yesterday for a couple of hrs and that just about killed me, I'm crashed today.

    Hope you come back and use us for your friends...we truly understand how you feel. Feel better,
    xoxo Hermit
  3. mbofov

    mbofov Active Member

    I'm sorry, that is rough, losing your friend. I think the social (or, rather, non-social) aspects of CFS and FM are almost the roughest part of these illnesses. It's bad enough being sick without being left behind. It just seems to be next to impossible for someone who hasn't experienced this illness to understand it, or even try to. I don't even tell people I have CFS (not that I have that many people to talk to), but it's just too hard to explain, and too painful when they don't get it. If I need to give an explanation of why I don't work, I just say I have health problems and leave it at that.

    Anyways, you have a lot of company on this board. I hope you feel better soon. Take care -

  4. Aglaia

    Aglaia Member

    I'm so sorry you're going through this! :-(

    My experience is that people are very self-absorbed in general and don't seem willing/able to put themselves in other people's shoes for even a few minutes. As a sensitive person who is depressed, exhausted, and in constant pain...well, it's devastating! I've lost a lot of friends in the 10 years that I've been sick and it has hurt every single time.

    As the years have gone by, I've found myself increasingly disgusted by how few people are willing to do even the smallest things that would put a smile on the face of someone they know is suffering.

    I've always done my best to be a great friend (no matter what my circumstances have been) and I know that others have appreciated/do appreciate this. It's nice that they think I am/have been a wonderful friend...but where are they when I really need them? Where are they when I'm so sick, lonely, and isolated? Busy with their own lives and thinking of themselves of course! A healthy friendship has to be both give and take in my opinion. It's amazing how many takers there are out there!

    I really hope you feel better soon. Hang in there! :)

  5. dzlady

    dzlady New Member

    I live in NW Missouri. We've already had a couple days of snow and while outside a few minutes ago, I seen flakes falling again.

    I, too, am deeply depressed. I spend my days in bed or on facebook playing games, if I can tolerate it, pain wise. (pain from my hands all the way up to my shoulders and into my neck.)

    I have never had many friends and my best friend moved to Texas almost 2 years ago. We used to talk daily and visit often. Of course, the visits are out. But lately, I feel abandoned. Maybe it's the depression talking, but she has "moved on" and when we do talk, its not for long (we used to talk for time for 8 hrs) and she always has to go for this reason or for that reason.

    The only other friend I have works and the hours vary. I call her and she always says she has to call me back but then never does.

    My oldest boy is in jail, my youngest boy has ADHD and gets on my last nerve. My husband is very supportive and "there for me" for even the littlest things.

    I stay home and have become a bum. Most days I dont even get out of my sleepwear.

    I keep thinking that it will get better, hoping that they will. It's all I have. It has to get better!

    Hang in there. We are all here for you. We are here for everyone when they have a tough day. Maybe tomorrow will be sunny and bright. It's all we can hope for.

  6. DeborahLynn

    DeborahLynn Member

    Shari, I pray you're feeling better by now; I just now saw your post, and see that it's from a couple of days ago.

    I lost a friend (not because of CFS/FMS, but because I had to confront her about something, which I did as gently as I could, but she totally cut me from her life), it hurts, especially when you've invested lots of time and given of yourself... And it hurts even more when it's because of lack of compassion and understanding, as in your situation.

    I pray the Lord sends you other friends, maybe even a "bosom buddy"... I've found that people with these diseases make the best friends, because they understand. I've been able to plug into two different groups, one a FM support group, and one a growth group from my church, and they understand and are very supportive.

    Plus my church family is very caring and supportive. Maybe you can see about support groups in your area, or a church family, or some sort of club... You've probably thought about all these things already...

    This board, and some other forums I've found, are so nice when a person is too ill to do much of anything, which for me, is most of the time...

    Prayers for you; feel better soon! You have us on this board, and we understand what you're going through!


    JEANSKI New Member

    What a timely post for me! Thank you for sharing, it helps to not feel like the only one.

    Every winter season is scary at first, but then I put my coping skills to work and seem to make it through every year. We haven't gotten our first snow here yet and the anticipation of the struggle is killing me. I am dreading shoveling! Like i said though, I always seem to get through it...

    I make the most of my work. Its a good chunk of my time and energy so I interact as much as possible with people while working and enjoy laughing and getting to know my workmates and clients. I also chat with people whenever I get the chance (food shopping, drs appts, etc) just to get some human interaction. It keeps me feeling connected to life and helps me day to day.

    I still wish I could have "real" relationships and a family of my own (husband kids etc) but we play with the cards we are dealt right? I feel fortunate to have my sisters, mom and my cats. More than what some have so I try to remember that and it helps sometimes lift me out of my funk.

    I hope you are feeling better or at least on the up swing....sending you cyberhugs!
  8. artyreader

    artyreader Member

    to most of what you posted (except for the snow, and the fact that I can't work anymore--but the colder weather, shorter days, pouring rain, and the loss of friends/lack of understanding from others, that,yes)

    My heart goes out to you. You are brave to post this, and you are reaching out to help not only yourself, but when I read this post, my heart broke for you, but I felt less alone, because I am going through this,too. So thank you for posting.

    This time of the year highlights everything in one's life:

    Both the 'positive' stuff, and the difficult things, especially the social deprivation that these crazy, baffling, invisible illnesses can bring (along with, for a lot of us, severe financial loss, so that things that can lift one's spirits--such as going for a drive, going out to eat with friends, or even alone, in a cool place with warmth, decent food and nice ambience, to name just a very few--are harder or impossible to come by then they were when we were healthy, had more friends, active social life, someone "special" in our lives who we loved and were loved by, had a sense of purpose and were respected as valuable members of society,etc.)

    Even volunteering to help someone less fortunate (an excellent suggestion, and something I was able to do when healthy, working and busy!) is not something that all of us are anymore able to do ON ANY REGULAR BASIS.

    My energy/pain levels are so erratic, and without car, money, getting around is super difficult now, so I am no longer able to make any commitment in either a volunteer or work capacity, but, if YOU can (and make sure you take care of your health first, of course) that, I think, is a great idea.

    I like so much of what other people said, but my fibro brain is kinda shutting down right now, so I must close. I wish you all the best under your difficult and lonely circumstances. You are not alone, and I appreciate your honesty and willingness to reach out. That takes guts.
    Holiday (and every day) blessings to you!
  9. seireiofhope

    seireiofhope New Member

    I am hitting that phase, although I haven't lost too many friends to my fibro yet, I can feel it coming. Living in Alberta during the winter is not fun. Been having an on and off flare for the past week and a half (my longest yet) and my friends are getting tired of me not being able to hang out, or, if I can, not for long. My depression is kicking in hardcore because of it (my friends and my fibro) so ((((hug)))). we can get through this together! If our friends can't be understanding we don't need them!
  10. jole

    jole Member

    While I was still working this happened to me, and it's hard. Going from being asked out with co-workers to gradually being excluded, and then dropped altogether. You just have to understand it's not your fault, and it's not their's this DD. We need our energy for other things, and they have a life to live. But the hurt we feel is horrible...another reminder that we are no longer 'normal'.

    You will get past that eventually, and even be thankful for your time. Just remember it's not your - nor their - fault! Life is what it is, and it is what we make of it. The small things become more important to us eventually. Many things are hurtful along the way to acceptance of what and who we have become, and I pray you will handle it with grace and dignity. It is not easy, but I have faith you can do it! All my best wishes to you.....and yes, you do have all the friends you need right here! Hugs.......Jole
  11. rck

    rck New Member

    Sorry to hear that about your friends, I understand, have been going thru something like that also. I dont expect them to stop their lives b/c of me, I just expect not to feel like I've done something wrong just b/c I dont want to go out. I feel guilty, thats not helping with my depression I stay so tired. I have FM.