depression help needed...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rune_dragon1, Oct 26, 2005.

  1. rune_dragon1

    rune_dragon1 New Member

    I have been depressed for 3 years. Sometimes i feel fine and have no problems. Then other times i'm sleeping all day long and staying up all night. I slip in and out depression. I was just Depressed for over 2 months stright and finaly started feeling some what better. I lose weight and feel sick all the time when im depressed. I cant seem to pull myself together get out of it.
    I only start feeling that way when i get to the point of sleeping all day and staying up all night. I dont get depressed when it rains or when i dont see the sun. My best friend died alittle over a year ago. He was more like a brother to me then most brothers are to each other. I dont believe that has anything to do with it either. I am 21 years old and need to get a life. All i do is help my parents because they are always needing my help. I seemed to be much happyer when i am waking up at 5 am every day but it is way to hard to keep doing. I begin to not be able to sleep for long periods of time and slip into depression.
    What i eat has nothing to do with it either. I believe it could be something in my head that i do without control. I am constantly looking at myself in the mirror. I have weight lifted for over 5 years and cut my own hair looking threw 2 mirrors. I keep myself always looking sharp and still think its not enough. When ever i go places im worryed about what people are thinking more then anything. When someone looks at me im afrad to look back because I feel like their looking at me and judging me. I never judge people by their cover but for some reason I am very afrad of that on the flip side. I know im a good person and that befor i grew up i was an ugly kid that no one cared about. During high school I pulled a 180. I have been told that i can get any girl i want and i still feel like that ugly kid. Some people tell me things that should change my mind but dont. Instead it only works for a day or two. Yet, i still havent been in a real relationship.
    Last spring I wasnt depressed for over 3 months into summer. I was hanging out with friends that had moved away for a short time. We were partying and meeting lots of girls. I ended up sleeping with 5 diffrent girls within that 3 months time. I had to get drunk every time and yes i know 5 diffrent girls is not something i should of done. At least i used pertection ever time. But even being drunk i felt like i was letting my guard down. That these girls would see my imperfections. I never realized that this was a problem untill today. I was watching a depression show and there was a guy that had those problems. How do i get over this? I believe it will be easyer to deal with now that i know the problem but if anyone else understands and think they could help me. Please help.


    Furthermore, I havent ever taken medication for depression. I believe i can beat it with out because ive done it befor. Now i understand the problem and some of the other things it has me doing. The way it makes me think and feel. There is another thing someone has made me think about. Its the fact of feeling like im worthless brought on by others. My parents are great people and have always known what im capiable of. Since i was 8 years old i played basketball. When i was a freshman a scouter told me i was almost college level. When i was in 10th the scouter told me to work on my point guard skills more because by my senior year i was gonna be ready to go to a great college or jump to the pro's. I never played in 11th or 12th because of a problem i was having in my lungs. Ever since i remember, most of the kids i went to school with would tell me i wasnt very good. Even tho i could dunk when i was only 5'10. I am now 6'2 and people dont doubt me unless its behind my back. Probly because their afrad of me now. There are many other things im that good at and my hole life i've been told im no good. People doubted me, my weight training pe teacher told me i was weak and didnt know a thing about weight lifting. Even tho he weighed 280, benched 280 and i weighed 148 lbs benched 295 lbs at state and broke a record. Now I weigh 190. 99 percent of the people i knew talked about how i was a wussy even tho i was in boxing and never lost a match. It seems every step i took betray me. No matter how nice i was or good i was, i was never good enough. So many times i can think of people either hatig me for no reason or were really gelous. What for? Its not like i got all the girls and had rich family. No i worked harder for every thing i got then anyone i knew. My family has suported me alot, even my little brother that i use to fight with so much(verbal). None of this stuff should matter to me but it does. I have always had anger problems and explode but never around anyone because it makes me even more mad. I know someone that is the worst bi-polar case ive ever seen. I know my condition is not in any ways the same. I never get mad for no reason. I get fusrated with things like everyone else but i never turn it on others. I dont drink very often and when i do drink i dont get drunk. I seem to feel better every time i talk to my mom about things that are bothering me. My mother has some anti-depressant pills and if I cant get threw this myself i will try them. I smoked pot for a long wile after high school and it helped me settle down and relax, fall asleep and eat better. But after a year or so it only helped me settle down so i quit. I really believe talking about my problems are gonna help me more then the medications. [This Message was Edited on 10/28/2005]
  2. ScooterD

    ScooterD New Member

    I know EXACTLY how you feel because I too felt much of the way you did at one time. You didn't mention if you are on medication or seeing a counselor. Depression is a REAL illness and you cannot expect to help yourself alone. If you aren't seeing a psychologist/psychiatrist you need to as soon as you can get an appointment. BELIEVE ME - please! Meanwhile, please turn to us or whoever you feel comfortable with if needed. You have support - promise!
    Hugs to you
  3. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    I have suffered from depression for most of my life; but
    have found tremendous help with anti-depressants and a
    good therapist. I agree with scooter that help is available, and it's best not to struggle by yourself.

    You'll be happily surprised to find what relief is available.

    I hope you reach out - you have a whole life ahead of you.
    And starting to heal it at your age is terrific.

    Wishing you well.
  4. matthewson

    matthewson New Member

    I am 52 years old now, but I still remember my youth very vividly and even though I am a woman, I know how you feel! I suffered from low level depression and social anxiety from the age of 12 until I finally went on anti-depressants and saw a psychiatrist at age 48. Meanwhile, I did function and worked, married and raised a family.

    The point of my post is you don't need to suffer like I did for so many years! The anti-depressants out there now can make a huge difference in your life! And you may not have to stay on them long-term. I am off of my anti-depressant now and I feel that being on it gave me the break that my mind needed to learn to heal itself if that makes sense. I have totally overcome my social anxiety and depression and for the first time in my life, I feel normal!

    I think a lot of young people feel the same way you do. Believe me you are not alone in your thinking. It takes some years of living to get the self-deprecating thoughts to leave as your life goes on and you accomplish things. But, meanwhile, you need someone to talk to like a therapist to verbalize these feelings to someone else. And maybe an anti-depressant to stop these feelings because they are almost like a loop of video tape playing in your head. Once the tape is stopped, you can learn new patterns of thought.

    I hope I have made myself clear! Sometimes I suffer from fibrofog! I used to be a better writer than I am now!

    There is help, but you have to actively seek it by seeing a therapist and getting help.

    Take care, Sally
  5. beth0818

    beth0818 New Member

    i have suffered from depression my entire life.....i now take prozac but i have been on pacsil and zoloft in the past. my major breakthrough with my depression came 4 years ago when i finally founf a therapist that was able to help me dig dep and find out what my issues were. i will always need medication i think, so you should see your doc about it. you can get better.
  6. kalaya

    kalaya New Member

    Depression is something that virtualy all human beings endure at some point in there lives either due to circumstances that we find borderline intolerable or a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes the feeling of melencholy and self lack for no resons that we can relate to circumstances.
    Also at your age life can be so confusing about who you are and what others expect from you and how you need to be percieved.Believe me EVERYONE copes with feelings of being unsure of themselves and if they are doing or saying the proper things,this is just part of life.
    Perhaps medication could benefit you with alleviating the depression.It is possible that you have seasonal depression,knowing that this does exist.One of the problems with depression is the social taboo stigma that is associated with it,so people suffer in silence and never move forward to get help and alleviate the depression.My uncle is a psychiatrist and was elected to 'Best psychiatrists in America'so when I talk with him I will try to remember to pick his brain for his help and expertise on your plight.
    But for the present I will recommend to get an appointment with a psychiatrist whom hopefully would be well aquainted with your symptoms and with avenues of relief and wellness from your depression.God bless.
  7. Zzzsharn

    Zzzsharn New Member

    I too, have suffered with depression thru my teens and adult life.. I'm 35 now. Several medications, several bouts of suicidal thoughts.. all that yucky stuff.

    It sounds to me like you have some bi-polar tendencies... which put simply are bouts of depression with periods of "highs"- or even just "not as depressed"- It's serious, it's treatable, and you can gain quality of life back.

    I strongly urge you to call the bi-polar center in your area and be screened.. it should be pretty easy to find on the web. There may even be on online poll you can take, just to see if there's something to my 'thought' - There may even be an 800 number you could call. The folks at the bi-polar centers are extremely informed and typically kind and gracious.

    Obviously, I don't know you, but you took the first big step in getting help and that was asking for it. I know that sometimes when you are in the midts of depression the hardest thing to do is seek out help. So kudos for doing that!

    Wishing you the best, and please write and let us know how you are doing..


  8. maripat

    maripat New Member

    Fibro is'nt the only invisable disease. Depression is

    common, even more common in us. I've had depression before

    Fibro and after. Please take yourself to a good therapist,

    medication most always helps or makes it go away

    completely. Don't wait make a call now.

    And good luck. I have been in your shoes.

  9. bunnyfluff

    bunnyfluff Member

    I have felt like you do- exactly. Meds help with that, but you have to get to the root of the mental aspect of it, too. That can take some time, and some soul searching. The alcohol is a cover-up for what you don't want to feel. Some day you will have to feel it, you might as well get it over with so the rest of your life can be good.

    Somewhere, someone made you feel like you were not as good as them. It might have been like me, I had an alcoholic parent and alcohol came first. That is a powerful message, and one that takes years to overcome. But you are worthy. You are as good as every one else- God made each one of us perfect for his purpose on this Earth. You are worthy of all of the joy and happiness and success that He has in store for you. I hope that you will come to see that.