Despair -- How to Deal

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia and ME & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome' started by bretzie, Mar 12, 2013.

  1. bretzie

    bretzie Member

    Hi,

    I'm going through a bad depression. In addition to CFS, I'm so alone: no family, no boyfriend/husband, no friend to stop by or meet, no money to keep up apartment.

    Most of my friends are in faraway places, one friend too ill to have guests. I feel so damned depressed, can't stop crying. I am taking Zoloft max amt. Will see shrink next week but wondered if others also have this overwhelming sadness and despair.

    I feel invisible, unimportant and powerless.

    Sigh.
  2. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    I have no words of wisdom. I have been for years in 120 mg Cymbalta, been seeing a wonderful shrink the whole time, 10 yrs now and finally last 2 yrs do have a wonderful loving man/fiancé, however I feel worthless, lazy, have no value, family has written me off, so have friends, I honestly cannot understand how he can stand being around me. I live in my recliner and can only manage to shower every 5-7 days, live in my nightgowns, cannot ever seem to laugh or have anything interesting to say. I have done 2 suicide attempts since I have been with him which he recognized.....I said nothing, I was very determined. I feel like I am wasting his life now, not just my own.
    I truly know how you feel, I never feel anything but insignificant.
    I wish I could help, just want to say I get it, I am right there with you. Non-stop. I hope someone can offer something worthwhile.

    Best of luck to you,
    Jaci
  3. JaciBart

    JaciBart Member

    I have no words of wisdom. I have been for years in 120 mg Cymbalta, been seeing a wonderful shrink the whole time, 10 yrs now and finally last 2 yrs do have a wonderful loving man/fiancé, however I feel worthless, lazy, have no value, family has written me off, so have friends, I honestly cannot understand how he can stand being around me. I live in my recliner and can only manage to shower every 5-7 days, live in my nightgowns, cannot ever seem to laugh or have anything interesting to say. I have done 2 suicide attempts since I have been with him which he recognized.....I said nothing, I was very determined. I feel like I am wasting his life now, not just my own.
    I truly know how you feel, I never feel anything but insignificant.
    I wish I could help, just want to say I get it, I am right there with you. Non-stop. I hope someone can offer something worthwhile.

    Best of luck to you,
    Jaci
  4. gb66

    gb66 Active Member

    I'm sorry you're feeling so very bad. I would like to recommend a good book that helped me so much with my feelings of despair.

    It's by Joyce Meyer, "Battlefield of the Mind". I hope you will read it. It's on her website JoyceMeyer.org. Also, if you have a Kindle, you can download it.

    Reading has helped me so much since being homebound. I have CFS/ME, FM, arthritis, IBS, ocular migraines, tooth and gum problems, diabetes 2, low thyroid, pelvic prolapse and probably other stuff I can't remember.

    I've been ill with the CFS/FM for over 30 years. Never get to see any of my family, live in my recliner and bed.

    I only leave home for medical appnts., have to use a wheelchair, so I know some of what you're feeling.

    I hope you feel better soon. Hugs, GB66
  5. gb66

    gb66 Active Member

    I'm sorry you're feeling so very bad. I would like to recommend a good book that helped me so much with my feelings of despair.

    It's by Joyce Meyer, "Battlefield of the Mind". I hope you will read it. It's on her website JoyceMeyer.org. Also, if you have a Kindle, you can download it.

    Reading has helped me so much since being homebound. I have CFS/ME, FM, arthritis, IBS, ocular migraines, tooth and gum problems, diabetes 2, low thyroid, pelvic prolapse and probably other stuff I can't remember.

    I've been ill with the CFS/FM for over 30 years. Never get to see any of my family, live in my recliner and bed.

    I only leave home for medical appnts., have to use a wheelchair, so I know some of what you're feeling.

    I hope you feel better soon. Hugs, GB66
  6. freida

    freida Active Member

    I am so sorry for the position you are in.

    I understand, since I do have people, but very few left.

    The isolation is so very difficult.
    I hope you will seek out every type of help that you can.
    A counselor, support group, anyone you know from the past who might respond to you kindly.
    Any type of group that is local who might befriend you?

    Even a religion you don't belong to.
    Some would be willing to help you, even if you do not join.
    Remember that you do FEEL unimportant and powerless, but you aren't.
    You don't have power over a lot of things, but you have power over something.
    Try to reach for it.
    I understand it is very hard to, when depressed!

    Write down some tiny goals for yourself, and try to take small steps toward them.
    Write down every small action as an accomplishment.

    Keep trying, to hang in there,
    because this will likely pass, and you will find something worth living for, then you will be glad you did.

    Take care,
    leah
  7. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    Yes, I go thru that (even have a husband and grown children) but for all we have to deal with it's still hard not to feel overwhelmed and depressed. It's hard for most of us to have a normal life. Hang in there. I'm a christian and when I get really down I turn to my bible and read passages reminding me that I'm never alone.

    Many churches are online or the radio and you can call them for prayer. Just having someone to talk to can lift you up. If you don't have a church you attend, like me, check out KWVE on FM radio. They're on 24 hrs. a day. You can also listen to them online and you might find a pastor whose sermons are uplifting and then go to that pastor's website to listen more.
  8. kchase77

    kchase77 Member

    I am in that same place...a few family but none that come round. Stay alone 24/7...watch a lot of TV...started a few things online that interested me and found others also interested and made some friends that way. Most everyone I know is now online...thank goodness for the Internet.

    Sleep a lot...take my meds which include Zoloft and Effexor.....they keep me pretty steady.

    I'd say try to find something online that interests you and where you can meet people who like the same. Gain some friends that way. Take some online classes in a subject that interests you.....lots of things to do online if one is housebound.

    Best,
    Jody
    [This Message was Edited on 03/14/2013]
  9. gb66

    gb66 Active Member

    I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I have a husband and grown kids but still feel very lonely being cut off from the world. My kids very rarely call me and I'm too ill to visit. Never see my grandkids or greatgrands.

    One thing I've found recently that has really helped me, is to read. I have eye problems and had to stop reading books for several years and really missed it.

    I got an e-reader (you can enlarge the print) and started downloading books. I can't believe the difference it's made in how I feel, emotionally. I look forward to getting out of bed some days just to get back to an interesting story.

    It's so different than watching tv or being on the computer because you can really become absorbed in the stories. Time passes so quickly too.

    I'm homebound 95%, only go out to medical appointments and have to use a wheelchair now. I know it sounds like a simple suggestion, but reading is a GREAT way to relax.

    My husband was not a reader, said it put him to sleep. After getting an e-reader he has read over 100 books in the last year and a half. GB66
  10. donna13210

    donna13210 Member

    I'm so sorry that you're feeling so down. I live alone also, and very often, I feel the same way. It's a terrible feeling when you feel so sick and have so much pain, and have no help or support.

    Are you able to get out at all?


    Donna M.
  11. freida

    freida Active Member

    Gosh, there are some nice answers for you,

    and some nice people,
    and some good ideas,
    for you, and for all of us who sometimes struggle with despair, depression and rejection and isolation and no help with our illness or with our living situations.

    Britzie, you helped us all, by your sharing and posting, because you put into words what some of us have felt,
    and also, you caused others to suggest ideas, that some of us will use one of them.

    I hope you find one you can use, or just feel the caring we all gave in responding to you.

    Thanks to all who are answering this post, because I am finding some helpful ideas in them too.

    And because Bretzie, you deserve our companionship too.

    I hope you will come back and share with us.

    This is my main social activity, here at this board.
    We have friendly chats on any subject, on the chit chat board. You are welcome to join in there with us.
    It helps to even write a sentence about something.
    And to see replies.

    Do you have anything you like? We could talk about that. Just a small simple thing.

    Take care, hang in there best you can.

    Thanks for already taking the action of posting,
    and for bringing up this important conversation for all of us too, in addition to you.

    You aren't alone, Britzie.

    Try to take some care for yourself.

    Leah
    [This Message was Edited on 03/13/2013]
  12. herennow

    herennow Member

    For what it's worth, I'm sending you a digital hug.

    The thing is, I know how you feel. I've been there. Not many people can tell you that. I know the feeling of isolation and I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

    I can tell you that having someone living with you doesn't remove the feeling...that sense at times of being walled off in a 3 foot by 3 foot psychological prison, separated from all other people, alone with mental and emotional storms.

    It can even be stronger or more distressing when you talk to people, looking for understanding and they can't understand.

    What can I suggest?

    I'd say it has to be something in the present moment. Here. Now.

    I deliberately try to connect with love because that's the thing that's lacking in those situations. Something that connects you with love. I do spiritual practices. At times I have tried movement: as I move, walk etc I do it with love (for God, spirit, life etc). I might chant certain words.

    What happens is that I'm creating a small vibration. I'm taking some control in my dark internal environment. After I do this I can get back a small feeling of love coming back.

    At that times that's all I've had to bring me comfort and I've been grateful.

    I'm sending you any tiny amount of love I can from the UK.

    Whatever the case, you can know that there are those of us here who understand.

    Luke
  13. Nanie46

    Nanie46 Moderator

    I'm sorry that you are going through this.

    I really recommend these things:


    Go to KLove dot com, scroll over the heading "Music Room" and click on "Listen Online". This station is positive, encouraging, and uplifting. I listen all the time.

    I highly recommend listening online to Joyce Meyer's tv broadcasts. Go to JoyceMeyer dot org and then click on "Broadcast" on the left side of the screen.

    Scroll down and you will see where you can scroll through a large list of her tv broadcasts. You will see the titles and then the topics they cover. Click on any of them to watch. Joyce is so down to earth and tells it like it is. I watch her daily.

    I highly recommend the daily devotional book called "Jesus Calling". Each day there is a short entry to read. It's amazing how every one of them seems to apply to me, and my friends have said the same thing. It is a very comforting book and easy to read a few lines per day. It is meant to be read as though Jesus is talking to you.

    I urge you to try those things. Come back and tell us how you are doing.

    I am saying a prayer for you. Hugs!!
  14. mbofov

    mbofov Member

    I'm really sorry you're having such a rough time. I've been there too - I think most of us have. I think the isolation of CFS is actually worse than the illness itself, which itself can be very bad. I think it's next to impossible for others to understand what we go through.

    People here have given you lots of good suggestions and I have one more - what about a pet? I have a cat and she is perfect for me - very low maintenance - I only have to clean her litter box every couple of days and feed her, and that's it. She's very sweet and when I've been too sick or tired to even clean her box, she still uses it - she's very patient but she is a lot of fun too.

    Take care - there are a lot of very good people on this board who care and will listen to you -

    Mary
  15. donna13210

    donna13210 Member

    I keep checking this thread, hoping to see a post from you, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. We're interested in knowing how you are doing now.

    Hope to hear from you soon!

    Donna M.
  16. freida

    freida Active Member

    IF, you like animals, then,
    I second Mary's suggestion to consider a cat.

    There are flushable cat litters now, that are so much easier to take care of, they go right in the toilet.

    Cats wait for attention, and they give some when you need it....
    just for people who like them, of course!

    And of course, they do need some care, but not a lot.

    Hope you will check back in with us, Bretzie.

    Leah
    [This Message was Edited on 03/14/2013]
  17. herennow

    herennow Member

    Horse therapy helps soldier's mental scars
    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-21824528

    This story reminded me of this thread.

    Luke
  18. ...I have felt that same overwhelming sadness and despair.... as I'm sure many here have as well. How can we NOT have feelings like those at times with such a torturous and seemingly impossible situation/condition as ME/CFS that steals our vitality and life away? And to add insult to injury, as this goes on year after year, our friends and family forget about us and the isolation and lack of caring just adds to our suffering...

    BUT... There are blessings to be gleaned from our isolation and suffering, if we will look for them. I have spiritual blessings that I would not have if I had not become isolated and had stayed as busy as I was when I was healthier. There is a depth of soul that comes only through suffering... And I have a deeper empathy for others because of what I've been through... That's not to say that I don't still have my days where I just want to be healthy and active again and feel like I can't take another day of this... But that's just part of being human...

    There are some great suggestions here, which I hope will help. And all of us on this board would like to be your friends... I know it's not the same as having us there with you physically, but it is the next best thing. And there are some wonderful folks here that have been such a blessing to me... Don't know what I'd do without them... And best of all, we all understand because we're going through the same things...

    Like Nanie46, reading my Bible and devotionals like "Jesus Calling" (which REALLY is an amazing blessing!) brings so much comfort and strength to help me hold on and hang in there... Especially when you feel like you're losing ground and sinking into a pit of despair...

    Also, trying to nurture a thankful spirit even in the midst of our suffering can help immensely... I know, I know... It seems like there's NOTHING to be thankful for when we feel "invisible, unimportant and powerless"... But there's always SOMETHING to be thankful for... Even if the negatives seem to be overwhelming at times...

    Depending how bad your symptoms are right now, I know that even reading can be exhausting, but another suggestion is if you like to draw or paint, it can be a good outlet... Also enjoyable and relaxing... And def listening to music that you enjoy can soothe and bless the soul... I too love the KLOVE radio station, but also enjoy listening to my favorite CDs... And just listening to the birds outside my window and watching them at the feeder brings me joy and comfort...

    Journaling is another good outlet and can help you keep a record of how you're doing each day...

    I truly understand how you're feeling, Bretzie... And as someone else here mentioned, it can still be very isolating even if you have others living with you... And sometimes, those who live with you can be a source of stress, unfortunately...
    For instance, my husband has ADD and is a very negative person, and has really been stressing me out lately... I have to admit that lately, it's been a relief when he is at work... So even living with someone can actually be detrimental to our condition sometimes...

    I hope some of this helps you, Bretzie... And I hope you know that we care and want to know how you're doing... Please keep us posted... God bless you, Bretzie...



    Blessings and Gentle Hugs,
    Shel


    [This Message was Edited on 03/22/2013]
  19. freida

    freida Active Member

    These are such beautiful postings.
    Very touching. I am moved and helped by them, as I struggle with my own battles.

    I honestly hope that Bretzie comes back and lets us know how her or she is doing.

    If not, I want to let you all know, that I am reading these, and looking for the same kind of help that you have offered to bretzie.
    Your posts are being read and are valuable.

    Probably I am not the only one.

    Thank you all.

    Leah

    [<i>This Message was Edited on 03/18/2013</i>]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/18/2013]
  20. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Active Member

    I've been struggling with bad fatigue like everyone else here. We've had my daughter's dog with us for the last 3 days and she gets demanding of a walk so even though I didn't feel up to it, I took her out.

    We live near a park and baseball field and as I walking on the sidewalk two ladies came up the sidewalk pushing a guerney with a young man lying on it. I kinda figured one was the mother and the other a helper and they were taking the young man out to get some fresh air. I think the young man might have had MS and badly crippled and possibly blind too. They stopped for a minute to mention the dog to the young man, telling him what kind she was.

    After talking to them I went on my way.....thoroughly ashamed for my pity party. If we look hard enough we can always find someone who is suffering more.

    The thing with FM/CFS and everything else we go through, I know that I've developed a compassion for others that I lacked before I got ill. I'm sure a lot of you can relate to what I'm saying.

  21. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Knowing you, I know you have nothing to feel ashamed about. It's only normal for us to get down from all we suffer. I think it is good when we realize that others suffer too, often more than we do, but that still shouldn't give us shame over being honest about our depression.

    I don't think most of us wallow in pity. I think we are realistic about missing our old lives and about how lousy we feel so much of the time. If depression or grieving (or any of the grieving steps) last too long, it's time to get professional help. Grief therapy was a God send for me.

    I keep us all in my prayers. Each of us has a lot to deal with but I am in awe of how graciously our members handle things and how generous our members are to offer help to others.

    Love, Mikie
  22. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    Well, I just finished posting a new thread related to all of this. I have been thru so much depression all my life, but much worse since I came down w FM/CFS. Been hospitalized twice and been to many psychiatrists and tried MANY antidepressants.

    Prozac is the only one that helps without horrid side effects. I also take D3, use my cats and dogs as therapists, read a lot, search out answers online and just try and take the day hour by hour.

    Have you tried different meds? Different doctors? I can no longer afford therapy, but when I did go for a few yrs I never found a good fit w any of them. I feel better just talking to my sister (my best friend in the world) on the phone.

    Get outside if you can, soak up some warm sun. Watch something funny on TV...I"ve recently become addicted to THe Big Bang Theory. Anything that can potentially cheer me up.

    Please check back in, there are a lot of folks here who are worried about you and do truly care. xoxo
  23. simpsons

    simpsons Member

    hi

    goodness I know how you feel. have been feeling that way myself just recently.
    such a struggle with this illness.
    the financial struggle really gets to me.

    the money worry really gets to me

    its hard to find people who understand this illness, and I find it hard to deal with too.

    it always amazes me how when I can get out my mood is lifted.

    though the payback is harsh.

    I found this board years ago when I was very isolated.
    the people here were so kind to me, pro understanding and helpful.

    really got me through, especially the chat rooms
  24. Saoirse3

    Saoirse3 Member

    If you woke up this morning, then you are important! You have meaning, if to no other person than to YOU. You are unique. From the beginning of time there will be ONLY one you!

    Is there anything special you like to do? Craft, write, knit, talk? I went to a website that has super easy, super simple crafts. Got some clear plastic beads, stuck them in a muffin tin (you get to play with the colors) and melted them at 200 degrees for 20 minutes. I took a spool of thread and some clear tape and made strings of the colored discs. Voila! Happily colored mobiles!

    Can you have a pet? If not, then how about a bird feeder? Or maybe volunteer at a pet shelter. Helping others, whether two legged or four, fur or feathers is the greatest gift we can give, because you are not helping one, you are helping two. YOU will feel like a million bucks and the therapeutic effects are free. If you can't get out, how about a blog? Your experiences could provide endless hours of hope, inspiration, laughter and insight.

    Never feel like you don't count, because you do. And whatever you put out will come back to you.

    Soft hugs,

    Stacey