DESPERATE i have a depressed 16 year old any advice

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by minkanyrose, Sep 13, 2006.

  1. minkanyrose

    minkanyrose New Member

    would be greatly appreciated.

    She suffers from depression and this divorce is really getting to her .

    I am a drepressed peoron to So I do under stand but the life is just knocked out of her.

    we went for divorce tuesday and got bumped by the judge untile dec 1st. anyway my lawyer say my soon to be ex emotionally abusing her and there is nothing I can do about it.

    was in the abusive marriage 14 years seperated 5 years ago in oct it will be 21 years of knowing this man. He gets my daughters hopes up so high for unrealistic things then when they don't happen she crashes hard.

    she was on meds and her dad told her they were dangerous to stop taking them cause they would cause her to commit suicide so she listened.

    I called the dr yesterday and he put her on xanax and prozac since her dad told her the others were dangerous.

    She won't get out of bed she won't go to school. she may eat but only sleeps I wake her up every hour just to try to get her in life again. this is effecting my I am so exhausted any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
    [This Message was Edited on 09/14/2006]
  2. mlrarr

    mlrarr New Member

    My heart goes out to you and your daughter!! I had to put my daughter on meds when she was 12 for depression. She did not want to be on them. I told her that it was just temporary and that after she improved we would wean her off and that is just what we did. She was only on them for about 8 months.
    I went about it by telling her also that "I know she hated feeling like that and reminded her that the "normal Emily" would rather be with her friends and shopping". She too was in bed all the time.
    I took her to this great man that was a marriage family therapist and they talked and talked.
    I hope everything works out for you to. Sometimes our kids thinks somehow when their parents break up that its their fault. Although Im sure you have reasurred her it wasnt, they can STILL think that. Their minds are so sensitive. Sometimes they can feel guilty for loving both parents, like they have to side with one or the other through divorce.
    You have a long road ahead. We are all with you if you need us. Vent if need to.
    I wish you all the best...
    Melinda
  3. sfrazier

    sfrazier New Member

    My lord you daughter sounds deeply depressed and I would think that the doctor that put her on the anti-depressents would have suggested that. If you can't get her up to go see a therapist I would suggest that maybe she should go to the emergency room and see if they will admit her for a 48 hour evaluation. Both of my daughters have been admitted that way one for cutting herself and the other for wanting to die. Depression is sometimes genticly passed on but it sounds like you daughter isn't just suffering from depression. I really think you should take her to the hospital and make sure there is nothing else going on with her and if her father is mentally abusing her then get the visitation changed. Make it so that he can only have supervised visits. 16 years old is a hard age to be and then to have other stuff put on her is just not right. Can she even make it to school????????SueF
  4. myalgiamania

    myalgiamania New Member

    he is also 16. his was brought on by many things and probably worsened when he broke up with his girlfriend.
    he now has a sleep disorder which may have brought on a seizure.

    he is seeing a psycologist. she is wonderful. make sure you find someone good or they can do more harm. he doesn't want to take antidepressants and she can't prescribe them only a psyciatrist can.

    anyway she has done testing on him and is now working on cognitive therapy. he is also very active in a youth group at church. they are wonderful and he has tons of friends. we have belonged to a nondenominational church for 2 years and they are awesome. no crazy rules,just good family people that love their children. it's the best thing that could have ever happened to my family. Well good luck and God Bless.
  5. singingirl

    singingirl New Member

    I know how you feel. My 16 year old daughter was diagnosed as bipolar in Feb. She had been suicidal and cutting herself for 2 years before she came (thank you Lord) to me and told me. She didn't want to start on meds either, but she is doing so much better that she is glad to be on them now. She is on Lexapro and Seraquel. I pray that if your daughter was doing well on the meds, that she will get back on them. I don't understand the mentallity (sp) of her father, but the mind game he is playing is very dangerous.
    Please let us know how she is..
  6. ANNXYZ

    ANNXYZ New Member

    daughter who also has depression . I have it also and it is genetic . My other daughter does not have it as of yet .

    My younger daughter developed it around 17 years of age . When she was 20 she decided to " cure " herself and skip the meds . She took yoga, ate veggies and went to therapy . within three months of quitting meds she spiralled down into a bad depression. She later realized the truth : depression is often a biological condition that must be medically treated .

    outcome: now she takes low dose of prozac and does not feel inferior for taking it . She is thriving and achieving her potentisl and is beautiful inside and out .

    I am sorry I passed this depression gene to her , but taking a little pill daily is a small price to pay for having a good life . She is a happy girl and I thank God big time for the meds .

    Perhaps the doc could sit her down and explain the necessity of meds and explain to her Dad that she needs them and that he needs to support her .

    I am saying a prayer for you for a quick turnaround . Blessings to you thru this dark chapter.

    I was divorced after 22 years ( very unexpected) and
    it was the worst hurt of my life , and very painful for my children . My heart goes out to you .

    I found a group called " Divorce Care " very beneficial . You might check with local churches in your area for it . It really helped me during the time I was emotionally hemmoraging and feeling very alone .

    Please keep us posted on your progress .
  7. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Well I think you are both depressed due to your life experience for sure, and may also have a genetic disposition.

    My goodness, what a shame. The harm people do using words as weapons.

    What I have found to be very helpful particularly for teens with depression is Omega 3 small fish oils. In large studies they worked as well and in some cases better than some of the SSRIs. Also, exercise is a greta boost for the endorphin system.

    She may be in bed because of side effects making her feel sluggish too.

    A doctor should be aware of what to do. Also, does she have friends? A friendship circle can be most helpful again esp. for teens, as the last thing she needs is being isolated.

    I am so sorry.

    LOve Anne

  8. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    She needs to get a really good Physical and see a good women Doctor. She could be going threw Hormonal problems.
    OR she may have CFS she really needs to get help outside your household.

    Sometimes Daughters will not hear it from Mom it needs to be another women she looks up to. You also need to teach her happiness is not dependent on other people specially boys or men. She needs to discover who she is and what makes her happy .She needs a hobby ,or an interest in something .Even some kind of volunteer work.Maybe she would consider mentoring a younger child?

    She needs to find self worth and purpose.
    Mom if you are able to volunteering would be good for you also .It will help you get out and meet new good people.Its something you can share with your children.

    Good luck and let us know what works.
  9. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    My heart goes out to you both - you both need counselling. If you went, would she? I think it's very important especially since the divorce is on hold until December.

    Marta
  10. Loveyame

    Loveyame New Member

    My daughter went through some of the same stuff

    We learned the following during the 4 years of dealing with her.

    Watch her friends-changes friends from up beat friends to misfits (drug users etc)

    Watch her for clothing changes-wore short sleeves, shorts now wears long sleeves, jeans- (could be trying to hide cutting herself or drug use)

    Have her hormones checked!!!

    This was very important!!!

    We had to put her on birth control pills to fix this problem.

    Have her keep a diary. (Then you read it when she is not around)

    Do not yell at her or get upset with her for what she writes.

    It is what she is thinking and feeling at the time!!!!

    You read it only to keep her safe!!!

    This is how I found out about the cutting, drugs and the sucide attempts.


    Seek counsiling-

    This way the cousnilor can get her to talk about her feelings-

    the madder she gets at the counsilor during the session the better-

    really mom it is ok if he/she makes her cry!!!!

    That was the hardest thing for me to sit through was watching my daughter get mad then cry!

    Sounds like you are always going to have problems with the ex-(alot of us do)

    You said that he was mentally abusive to her.
    Are you 100% positive that he has not sexually abused her?

    Because if he has and he has unsupervised visitation then she might be depressed because she knows what she has to look forward to during those visits.

    Remember if he tries to talk her out of getting better you have the right to take him back to court and find him an endangerment to her.

    You can file a pfa (protection from abuse) where he can not legally contact her.

    I hope this helps you.

    I will keep you in my prayers!

    Love Ya Me
    [This Message was Edited on 09/14/2006]