Desperately need prayers....Dixie please read

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by craziC, Aug 24, 2004.

  1. craziC

    craziC New Member

    Some of you know a little of my story. Well I got a call from an aunt today. She invited my DH and I to a birthday party for my grandpa. This is the family that abandoned us and didn't come to our wedding.

    I need prayer that I'll make the right decision that is what God wants. I'm just so confused right now. I don't even think about my situation with my family because it makes me so angry.

    Please pray for guidance for me that I will know in my heart what I need to do. Whether I just send my grandpa a birthday card or actually go to his party.

    Thank you so much for your prayers!


    [This Message was Edited on 08/27/2004]
  2. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    I will pray you make the best decision for all involved. Make sure to keep your heart open to what God's will might be.

    God Bless,


  3. dash

    dash New Member

    Crazi, I don't know enough of your situation to give you advice, but I will pray for you.

    Dear Lord,

    I ask that you here Crazi's plea for the ability to make a godly decision about her crisis. We know that You are the source of all wisdom and discernment. Please bless her with these gifts through the power of your Holy Spirit.

    I pray these things in the name of Jesus,
  4. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    I know your story and I will pray for you. I personally think you should go. This may be the door which will open back to your family. Jesus always preached forgiveness and sometimes we are the ones who have to swallow our pride and make the first move. Let us know.
  5. craziC

    craziC New Member

    I see your point - but I'm so unhealthy emotionally right now. For the last year I've just kept shoving everything down. I still try to do that but now things are just starting to overflow.

    I'm not sure if I'm healthy enough to handle seeing my family. And my grandfather made the choice to not come to our wedding too. None of them came. I know the whole forgive and forget stuff but no one knows how I feel about this.

    I've never been good enough for them, I've never done anything to make them proud of me. I've been nothing but a dissapointment to them. I hate to say this, but I've been happier with my life since I haven't had contact with my family. Mainly my mother. She has been a very controlling parent.

    I'm just so confused about everything right now - and getting severely depressed. Thanks for your prayers - I really do appreciate you!

  6. jill5050

    jill5050 New Member

    I don't know your story, sorry- must have missed some posts. I won't give you advice. Just pray and open your heart to God's will. He won't want you to do more that you can handle. Let Him work through you, regardless of your final decision.

  7. craziC

    craziC New Member

    Thank you for praying for healing. I think I'm finally ready to work through years and years of hurts so I can be free of all this.

    If I could tell you my whole story then I think you would understand a little more. But that would take pages and pages! LOL

    Short version: My mother had 2 affairs on my father, both with very close friends of our family. First affair happened when I was eight, that's the same year she attempted suicide. Second affair happened when I was 16.

    Then when I was 19 I went into missions. I was in Hawaii for 3 months working at a college for missionaries as a secretary. There I was raped by a "friend". I didn't tell anyone until 2 years later.

    When I got home from missions I became very closed off. Ended up doing self-harm and landed in the hospital for 2 weeks.

    While in the hospital I started worrying about my weight. I started weighing myself everyday. By the time I got home I had become even more closed off. I wouldn't leave my bedroom. I kept all the blinds/curtains closed.

    I was starving myself or throwing up. I'm 5'8 and my weight went down to 115 pounds which is way below my ideal body weight.

    So then I had to go to a nutritionist and get weighed weekly. I had to log everything I ate. I learned the main reason I was doing all this to myself was because that was the only thing I had control over. I had control of my body and that was it.

    Then 2 years ago I was in a car accident and all the wedding stuff happened. Then I was diagnosed with FM. So as you can see, things have never been easy for me.

    I want to be a healthy person. I want to know who I am and I can't figure that out if I have contact with the people who destroyed my self-esteem. My mother had actually screamed in the phone one day when we were talking that I am the most hateful person.

    I guess what has me excited and scared all at the same time is that I feel ready to face all this stuff. I'm ready to work through my past hurts so I can have a healthy future.

    I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's how I feel. I've decided to not go to the birthday party for my grandpa. Instead I'm going to buy a card for him and take it to him next week. Then I can visit with him by myself without feeling tense. I think that will mean a lot to him. I haven't seen him in probably 2 years or so.

    I feel this will be the best thing to do for my own sanity. And I can still celebrate his birthday with him and I feel it will be more special for him.

    Well, that's it. Now you pretty much know everything. There's probably more that I didn't tell you but those things are the main issues that I've had to face.

    I am fully aware that God loves me. And I look at everything I'v been through and I realize how much stronger I have become. I still have a long way to go, but I'm ready.

    Remember me in your prayers as I begin this road to healing. I need strength and courage and an open heart.

    Thanks for listening to me!

  8. craziC

    craziC New Member

    YES, you can definitely adopt me. Oh, and good news, I'm FREE!! LOL

    I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel at peace about the decision I made concerning my grandpa's birthday. I think it will be special for him, and that's what I want. It's about him!

    As far as everything else, I'm ready to walk the road of healing. I know it will be hard, but I have faith that I will be a much stronger person in the end.

    I just can't imagine what God is going to do through this. In all the traumas I've faced, I've learned a lessen and somehow God managed to strengthen me and enable me to be more compassionate.

    SO, here we go again! Just another hurdle to jump over even if it takes a long time.

    Thanks for your prayers and understanding. You are a blessing to me!


    Edited to add: I ordered chinese food for lunch today at work. I just opened my fortune cookie and guess what it said.....
    "You will have good luck and overcome many hardships"
    Isn't that weird??? LOL I'm keeping this one!
    [This Message was Edited on 08/27/2004]
  9. sunflowergirl

    sunflowergirl Well-Known Member

    I was thinking about you yesterday and that idea popped into my head. Your Grandfather will appreciate that so much more and this way it will be just the two of you celebrating. You certainly have had a really rough road you've been traveling on but following God is the right one. Take care, and let us know how it turns out.