DH prefers to spend time with his Mom and Dad than me!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Bunchy, Dec 25, 2008.

  1. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    Hi all,

    Hope you all had a nice, not too difficult day.

    DH finally let me stay home for Christmas Day this year.

    Not to whine too much about it all BUT.... he made it nice for me with lots of gifts and we had a nice turkey dinner etc but all day, I had the feeling that he wished it was tomorrow.


    Because his parents are visiting tomorrow and he can have a much more fun time with them.

    His Mom is hyperactive, talks a lot (too loud and too much for me) and is the life and soul (well if you like someone overwhelming everything in the house...LOL)

    DH is very attached to them and I know he feels like tomorrow is his real Christmas Day.

    I just feel hurt sometimes that he prefers the company of healthy lively people ESPECIALLY his parents (he's 38 by the way...lol) to me.

    I also feel so much pressure aall the time to see family otherwise he gets a bit distant and bored with me - welll, that's how he makes me feel although I'm not sure he's aware of it as he always denies this.

    Can anyone relate??

    Love Bunchy x

    PS So sorry to whine today of all days but I just feel a bit hurt and not enough for him.
  2. Empower

    Empower New Member

    Hi Bunchy

    Happy Holidays

    Yes, I can relate. I can't do much, short visits, that is all

    I think my DH would rather spend time with his family than me

    Hang in there
  3. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    Sorry you feel that way, sometimes I think that I do that and it is that I am thinking this in my mind when it really isn't so.

    By the way, you never replied to my last email.
  4. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    OMG Sorry I never replied - I had a lot of spam emails for a while - yours must have got lost in there somewhere.

    If you still want to chat just send me another email to the same email address and I will reply in the new year-promise :)

    Sorry about that and happy new year to you.

    Love Bunchy x
  5. Rafiki

    Rafiki New Member

    I think your husband sounds like a kind and special man who loves you very much. Sometimes it's hard for us to just let people be kind and not be distracted by the thought that we're not as much fun as we once were and believe they surely must resent that.

    I think it's a good sign when a man gets along with him family, especially his mum. It means he knows how to commit to long term, loving relationships and that he likes women.

    It's hard for everyone to remember that other people don't make us feel one way or the other. People do what they do and we must choose how to respond. It's so hard to figure out how to respond sometimes. When we don't feel good about ourselves, and we think other people might resent us, it's almost impossible.

    We cannot and should not expect anyone else to live this illness with us. Having someone who is willing to share their life and family with us, despite our limitations, is a huge blessing.

    I do hope you can enjoy your time with your vivid inlaws and your smashing man! If I were you I would just sit back with a smile on my face and let it happen. (Might put a little cotton wool in my ears and close my eyes if necessary :~) If you could handle paragliding (was that what it was you did, you brave woman!) you can get through this.

    Peace out,

  6. jole

    jole Member

    Know what? I think Rafki has a lot of insight...we cannot change anything but ourselves and our way of seeing things. I know my hubby spends a lot of time with his family also....usually without me....and that's okay. But it wasn't always...until I learned to let go a little. Now I see that he's very fortunate to have a loving family.

    Also, being with parents seems to make everyone feel like a "kid" again- loved, accepted, and comforted. I felt that way around my mom until the day she died! Maybe it takes some of the stress of living with these DD's off our (their) shoulders for a little while, being with "normals", especially family.

    Yes, we seem to be more sensitive than others, because our lives have been turned upside down and it's not fun. But it shouldn't cause them to give up their family and friends just because we can't do what we'd like to be able to do anymore. (That doesn't sound right, but get it?)

    It's not easy. Sometimes I feel lonely. And uncertain. And anxious. And in pain. And much more...

    You are a loving and special person, and I'm sure he wishes he could "fix" things for you .... unfortunately, life is what it is, no better and no worse than what we make of it. Hope your day went well:) You deserve all the best***Jole***
  7. Bunchy

    Bunchy New Member

    You all made some good points and made me see the situation differently. Although the day with the in-laws exhausted me to the point of having to go to bed by 5pm I know hubby and in-laws had a great time and appreciated the efforts I went to to make it a nice day for them all.

    Now I have my own family to visit over the New Year and then I can go to bed for a month...LOL. Seriously my own family are also very appreciative of my efforts to visit with them for a couple of days so I will get through it as best I can and after, I can have a quiet period for a few months.

    Happy new year to you all and thanks again for the insight and wise words.

    Love Bunchy xxx