Diagnosing Depression?

Discussion in 'General Health & Wellness' started by tolan, Dec 14, 2008.

  1. tolan

    tolan New Member

    Hi...new to the site so I'm hoping someone can help. I'm a 20-year junior in college, and I'm starting to think I've sunk into depression the last few months, and I don't know what to do about it. Over the summer my long-term boyfriend ended our relationship, despite there being no problems. Due to the college atmosphere and having the same circle of friends, we are still in close contact with each other, which makes it incredibly painful to deal with on a day-to-day basis. We are still in love with each other, but for reasons beyond my control he feels it's best if we're not in a relationship at this point. Knowing that we still care for each other, but that we can't be together now, is becoming so difficult to deal with. We discuss the possibility of getting back together once school has finished and he's figured out some personal issues, but lately I think I've realized that it's unlikely. Even if it does happen, in the meantime the thought of him being with anyone else casually is almost unbearable. He has told me he wants me to date and be happy, which I've tried, but nothing has worked. I find myself constantly reminded of him everywhere I turn, and other people just serves as a constant reminder that it's not him.

    I started using destructive behavior to make myself feel better. The past month one of his close friends and I have been seeing each other, even though my ex had openly voiced to both of us to refrain from it. I only see the friend because he doesn't live on campus and is separate from our usual group of friends, so I feel like I can actually escape from the memory of my ex when I'm with him. There is no emotional attachment between us, just a physical relationship to help me feel anything but the emotional pain I live with every day. Recently after speaking to my ex and doing some soul-searching, I realized how much this behavior was not helping me get over the break-up, and how much it was hurting my ex. I am still clinging to the hope that one day we will be together again, and so I do not want to ruin anything between us permanently.

    This entire semester has been a constant uphill struggle. I don't sleep more than 5-6 hours a night generally, but I find myself always exhausted, just incapable of actually falling asleep. The stress of school has compounded all of these problems, as I'm trying to finish a double major at one of the hardest universities amongst other kids who are nonstop workaholics. I'm sad and lonely nearly all the time, and most nights I end up crying myself to sleep, as that's the only time my roommate wouldn't notice that something's wrong. I've tried keeping this hidden from everyone, because they think I should be over the break-up by now. I can't blame them because I would think the same thing in their shoes. No one really grasps (aside from my ex) how intense our relationship was. I had fallen in love before and had a 3-year relationship before meeting him, and there was something so different about this. We made plans for the future, and could not bear to be apart from each other for one second. I feel like I have a giant void in my life. As soon as I start to think I may be starting to feel something but pain, I seem to emotionally stumble and fall 30 steps back from where I began.

    I'm not sure how long I can take this. I'm normally a relatively optimistic person, but I've seem to have lost that recently. I can see no point in life anymore. School is making me miserable for entirely different reasons, but the stress is not helping. Relationships between friends at my school are also generally not fulfilling either, as people are so busy doing their own work they don't seem to care about forming a genuine connection with anyone. I feel so alone, and have lost interest in everything. I've kept myself as busy as possible to avoid being alone and having time to think, but with winter break approaching I'm terrified of what will happen. I don't enjoy being home, as i don't have a close relationship with my family and can't really talk to them about this. I feel as if I've just given up on life. I can't find anything to look forward to, can't eat, can't sleep, and just feel like the world is pointless. I've seriously considered dropping out of school. I'm failing two classes, and final exams are this week. No matter how hard I try I can't concentrate on my work. I just don't seem to care. About anything or anyone. All I feel is this pain, and I need it to stop.

    I realize that I am most likely going through a period of depression due to the break up, and while I usually believe time can heal all wounds, I'm not so sure anymore. I just want to disappear so I don't have to keep searching for a reason to continue on. I'm losing a grip on my mental and emotional health, so I'm considering seeking help before things get even worse. I don't want to be put on ADs, however, as I'd rather feel pain that not feel anything at all. The thought of becoming dependent on medication and feeling numb for the rest of my life terrifies me, and seeing one of my best friends go through struggles with his medication has put me off of it for life. If anyone has any thoughts/suggestions I'd appreciate it. I'm so glad something like this, because I feel like I have nowhere to turn to. Thank you for helping people <3

  2. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Your ex sounds very controlling and even though the relationship has "ended" he is keeping you like a yo you with almost committing to getting back together, but no not really. He also sounds cruel. That he is telling you that you cannot date someone is totally out of bounds since you two are broken up. I hope you will get into counseling at school because you have allowed this guy to play these mind games with you, instead of cleanly breaking up and allowing you to go on with your life. Please realize that you are being played with like a cat with a mouse and get your spine put back in and break all communication (no way does an ex get to know about you or your life any more), don't see him, and get on with your life. You deserve far better than this. You're completely allowing him too much access to you. And you're failing classes and considering dropping out over this idiot?? No more speaking to him and stop seeing him completely. He is bad news for you and you now draw your own boundaries and stick to them.

    Think about it, is this truly the type of person you want, to break up without telling you why and then treat you like this?? Heck no. Toss him to the curb. Stop being intimate with the other guy because you are upside down over the ex-boyfriend and keep respect for yourself. Toss the ex-boyfriend and get your head screwed back on straight and learn that this guy is bad news and NEVER get back together with him again. No boyfriend should be this controlling of your life and it makes me wonder how controlling he was while you two were together. The sad part is that he is probably laughing at how much he can control you while you two are broken up and that's something you need to stomp on.
    [This Message was Edited on 12/15/2008]
  3. spacee

    spacee Member

    In school, time schedules for work to be done. You would feel worse if you have to drop out. See a therapistor counsel at school if they have one, get on a some meds. It is called "reaction depression". Not the kind of depression that people are born with. You might need something to help for a few months.

    Other people's advice was excellent but I think you need someone to help you through this difficult time. I know I have needed help at times and it was worth it.

    Please take care of yourself. He is a jerk.

  4. gracey410

    gracey410 New Member

    Hey keep your head up we all get depressed but everything gets better with time, I currently feel extremely stressed out. I just move to a new state for a job the pay is not what I thought it would be.I am currently considering divorce because I believe that my husband is completely selfish and I don't believe that he truly excepts my oldest daughter because she is not biologically his but she is 11 now and has known her since she was four and nobody comes before my kids so if it has to be the end for us then it is the end. I also have two children with him a four year old son and a two year old daughter. This is all stressful because once he leaves I have to figure out who will watch my younger two children while I work.Sometimes I cry about it but then I remember that everything will be okay in time. I told you my story just to let you know that we all experience stress sometime in our life but in time things will get better. God bless you.
  5. SnooZQ

    SnooZQ New Member

    I'm sorry to hear of your suffering. Please consider counselling. Most colleges & universities have great student counselling depts., and it's usually free or very reasonably priced. Alternatively or in addition, if you are so inclined, you might seek counsel from a pastor, priest or other spiritual advisor.

    Sometimes a counsellor will be able to help without advising meds. Other times, meds are recommended for a short time, and then people are able to come off of them. No need to fear lifelong dependency. Some antidepressants must be weaned down slowly when you come off, but as a class they are not addictive.

    In the meantime, be kind to yourself. Eat healthy foods. Get a little fun & distraction. Exercise daily. Try a stress vitamin & some EPA fish oil like Carlson's or Nordic Natural. Those supps can be quite helpful in depression.

    Best wishes.