Huge disaster today. As you know I was not able to go partly due to finances, but mostly due to FM and arthritis. Yesterday mornings (Saturday) I tried to call my grandson and only got his voice mail. I left a message saying that I wished him a great day and that I hoped to hear from him after the ceremony. I left my cell number for them. Last night he only told her that I had left them a message so that he didn't need to call me. Then I talked to my daughter and ask her to take her cell with her and dial me after things sort of calmed down and hand the phone to Josh and Cassie so I could congratulate them. I explicitly reminded her to take her cell and she said she would, but there was that tone in her voice that I know only too well. It was iffy. So I anticipated a call all evening. Two hours past after the time for the wedding, and I waited patiently, then 3, then 4 and 5, 6. No call. I was quite distraught by this time, and you know what stress does to us. My DH tried every thing in the book to console me, even going to buy me ice cream sandwiches that I love and a lot of hugs and kisses. Off and on my emotions were out of control and stress kept building. By now I was getting a huge headache from crying. I actually stayed up until after midnight thinking that somehow this had run late and someone would phone me. I should have known that by then it was 2 A.M.there but still I was trying to grasp for some hope. I finally went to be about 12:30 my time but not without my cell by my side. I snuggled close as I could next to Bill and after yet another half hour of stess I guess I must have drifted off. I had nightmares about this. I awoke with this sadness in my heat. My daughter will never ever know how much I hated this not being able to get there with my illness and the major flare I have been in, and with their salary they cannot conceive how we live week to week. No matter how I try to explain they think they live this way too, well they make good money. We all know that people who have money cannot relate to those of us who scrape by. She recently took a trip to N.Y. did Broadway plays etc. Things I can only dream of then they helped the kids with the honeymoon expense. something again I could never have done, yet she tells me we all live from month to month, she has no clue. So then she phones me to tell me that she tried twice to get Josh to call on his cell but he refused saying I had left him a message earlier which I did. What he failed to tell her was that I told him I wished him a good day, left them my phone number and ask them to phone me after the ceremony so I could talk to both him and Casey. She thens defends that saying well maybe he was just disappointed because I didn't come only for me to not say that to him. I had repeatedly explained what I go through. As we all know not one person not even our doctors know, only others of this that have this No one can know the pain that makes up curl up in a fetal position and this is after we take out pain meds. We don't sleep, any minor stress can turn us from almost o.k. to horrible in a moments time. By the times I hit the bed my pain was a 10 after my Percocet. My lymph nodes had swollen under my arms from stress to the point that I could find no comfortable way to lay my arms, this sleep did not come easy. My entire body was on fire by pain. My only comfort was from the warmth of my husbands body. I told her today that times go by faster and faster the older and sicker we become. She has not come to WA to see me in 3 years, yet through my pain I have been there twice. The time will only come to fast when I will be no more. As much time as I spent with my beloved mother passed to fast as I grew older, and now she has been gone 18 years and still I want to pick up that phone and talk to her. Life is too fast paced today, we put off thinking we have years ahead but they are gone only too soon. I cannot make her realize this. In replying to me she sits beside her husband in the car telling me now I have ruined her day. Ruined her day, what about mine. I raised these two kids alone for several years with a father who did not have time for them. Now I feel she sees him as God or King and I am the rattlesnake. Her replies to me by phone lead my son-n-law to think the worst of me. Since he only hears her side of the conversation and she says things to imply that it is all me. I am so distraught now. Her closing statement was that I ruined her day today. She had little to say to me. If she has taken her phone as I ask her more then once to do yesterday, just dialed my number, and said someone wants to congratulate you, we would not even have had this conversation today. Instead now it is all my fault. This has been going on for years. My SIL thinks less of me each passing year as he only gets her side of the story. She keeps putting off coming to see me, she blames me I guess for looking for my own happiness. One day she will look back, cry and regret that she let time pass her by and I am no more. I had finally managed to get 2 good days this week after months of pain and weakness. Now I am back onto a major flare that could last for yet more weeks. What should I do, call him, my SIL, and talk to him and tell him? I really want you to reply in all sincerity.