Didn't Kow which Board to post to---Lupus,Fibro,Cargivers or

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by Blond, Feb 8, 2004.

  1. Blond

    Blond New Member

    Here at the Worship Board.I thought This would be the best place.I need prayes more than anythig else, short of a mircle.This is my 1st(willing,lol Mikie) post here,I have not posted on any board in awhile.I am gonna try and fill ya in as best I can woithout writing a book.


    I don't even know where to start---ok,I am currentley staying with my 93 yrd grandma(94 in 2mos)This is a Lady I have loved more than any-1 else in my life.My one "Constant".Loving me unconditionally,the only one ever.I am away from my husband and my children to be with my grandma.After a month it's getting harder.The weekly trips over here for my family(120 rd.trip)I don't leave besides to walk to the store or once every 2weeks I go home.I am there about 24 hours.That is all the time I have to spend with my husband and son's.
    The once every 2 week doctor app.'s,being away from my son's(12,6)and my husand who is goin thru his own hard time-that i'm also right in the middle of. I have stress comin at me in all directions.I'm sick on top of it with Lupus and Fibro.My daughter is pregnant with her 2nd baby girl--
    No roof over her head,waiting for my husband and I get a place becuze we are living at my FIL's.
    Yes,this is all going on at 1 time,I have left out the only vehicle we have runnin at the time(mine needs tran's)the mecanic's can NOT seem to fix!In the hole now for 360 and it's broke down now with the same problem we have been fighting with it for a month,me personally thinks "It's Tired"
    My mother is not speaking to me,hasn't since Christamas.I din't say what she wanted to hear at then.She dosen't do anyhting- make a few phone calls,come down every few months and expect me to do it all,while her life is goin smoothly-Mine is falling apart.
    With all of this going on,I am (I think) watching my biggest fear become reality.I have cried about this since I was 5,imagining or dreaming my grand-ma was going to die,or had passed already.It has always been a huge worry for me.For the last 5 yrs or so-I have known when someothers would say "this was it,she is'nt gonna make it"
    I Knew she would be fine.This time I'm not so sure of it.I am crying so hard,I'm having a hard time typing.The thought of this is killing me.Some say"U have to prepare yourself" I have been through the shock of murder twice,and the knowing,and watching 2 loved ones take their last breath.You can not prepare yourself to let go forver of some-one U Love.
    I am NOT sure that she is gettimg worse,or maybe I don't want to see it.Things for the last week has been different with her.She at times seems confused,it doesn't last long But happens.She is sleeping more,some of bodily functions,I can tell are more often,and not very much control.
    I can't really put my finger on nothing.I can only say "Different".I have cried everyday for the last week,i just realized.
    God is giving me the strength and energy to be able to just half way deal with ALL that I have goin on or I couldn't do it.I asked my husband if it was selfish of me to worry about ME? He said No--I should be,We are both afraid when things do settle down,which they will,That I am gonna crash!!!
    We both know,It seems to happen when everything calms down,then I fall apart.It all comes back to haunt me.
    Sooooo,with all of this said------I desperatley needing your prayers.My Grandma,husband and my children need them too.I am praying for God to give me peace--Thats all,just peace.
    I know my friends from the other boards also come here-----So Jessica,Donna,SD and last but NOT least Debby--Forgive me pleaz if I left some-one out.
    I Love U Ladies!!!! But as U can see I have had alot to deal with and I was tired of hearing myself complain.

    Thank You,If U made it to the end,lol
    I knew I would make a book out of it anyway.
    Love alwayzzz,Blond
  2. lois1023

    lois1023 New Member

    You really do have a full plate. It is hard to let go and watch someone you love die. My mom died from cancer 4 years ago. I find comfort knowing that she is in a better place. She is no longer in pain or suffering. I will see her again someday.

    I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

    LOIS
  3. PrayerWarrior316

    PrayerWarrior316 New Member

    First, I would like to Welcome you to the Worship Board.

    My heart goes out to you,You sure have your plate full. I know how hard it is to be away from your family and to care for your grandmother. I was away from my family for 2 years taking care of my father. It is so hard to let go of someone that you love and care for so much. But, Just keep believing, Keep on Trusting and please keep on looking up to the Lord.

    I will certainly be praying for you, your family and your grandmother.


    Many Blessings to you, Judy <a href='http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb008' target='_blank'><img src='http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/17/17_1_22.gif' border=0></a>
  4. LindaH

    LindaH New Member

    I have been thinking about you and wondering about your grandmother. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this without your mother's help.

    I admire your determination and your strength. God will give you what you need. Just rely on Him. I will keep you in my prayers. I don't post very often but do try to read the posts and keep up on prayer requests. God bless you and keep you strong.

    Love
    Linda
  5. danny3861

    danny3861 New Member

    Hello Blond,

    Sure sounds like you have your hands full and have alot to deal with in your life. I'm so glad you camne to this board because we have many prayer warriors and I certainly will be a prayer warrior for you. Ask and you shall recieve.

    Dear Lord, please hear my prayers for this lady and her family. I'm sking you to stay by their sides, let them feel your presence, so as to give them all comfort, peace, and the strength to endure. I lift them all up to you, and ask that you guide them closer to you Lord, Fullfill their needs as you see fit. I ask this all in the name of Jesus, amen.

    Danny
  6. blessings

    blessings New Member

    I just read your post and was thinking how blessed you are to have a grandmother that loved you so without limitations!!
    God also loves us, without limitations, just as we are, He bids us come....Jesus told those of us who are weary and heavy laden to come unto Him and He will give us rest. To take His yoke upon us, because His yoke is easy, His burden is light.

    Dear Lord;

    I pray for Blond, and her family. Lord, it must seem to her that the world is falling down around her. I pray You, in Your great Mercy, will give her comfort and peace. I ask Lord that she draws her strength from You, and You will guide her pathway. I pray for the family, that in Your time, they will all be restored under one roof and their needs be met. That transportation will be provided them.
    I also ask that you not let Blond relapse with her illnesses, but hold her up, as well as her loved ones. Lord, I pray Your will be done, in the Name of Jesus, Amen

    God be with you blond, and blessings abound to you and yours, love, blessings
  7. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    I sure remember you! I am so sorry you have such a terribly heavy load to carry right now, but know that the Lord is right there with you, otherwise you would not be able to do all that you are doing.

    I will be praying for your precious Grandmother, husband and children, especially the one with the baby on the way as well.

    May the Lord send you many, many, blessings for all your big heart toward your precious family.

    May He shower you with all good things that only He can give.

    If possible, keep us updated on all that is happening. Will keep you in my prayers nightly.

    God Bless.................

    Shalom, Shirl
  8. Blond

    Blond New Member

    From the bottom of my heart!!!It means alot to me to know there are people in the world with a heart and who honestly feel for me and are praying for me and my family.
    People from the chruch came by to visit my grandma a few days ago.They are so kind.They come to see about her, bring her boxes of food and will sometimes cook for her.She is the oldest living member in the church.
    My family started this church,it was in the begining started by a cousin,then passed to my grandfather,then to a few other relatives thru the yrs.They have all passed now and the little white church that sits on the corner is being carefully cared for by some very nice people.
    Anyway--We had prayer,we all held hands and I cried the whole time--God is working on me so hard,he has always known my heart was good and has never given up om Me.A Friend(Debby)I had a very lengthy conversation with hit it right on the head.She said I'm fighting good and evil.I am and its a hard fight.I think Good(God) with win thou:)
    I don't want any of U to get the Idea my Grandma doesn't do for herself,she does.
    She cleans,washes clothes,hangs clothes on a line and vacumes.She won't stop,she is one tough lady.But I can see she is tired.
    I do have relief knowing my grandma will go home to be with the Lord and she will not hurt anymore.I have said before,I am very selfish where she is concerned-I want her with me.
    Someone tell me this is Normal and that God understands.

    I can tell a difference in my overall health.I'm more emotional than usual and I am hurting in new places.God I know, will give me the strength to do what I have to do he always has.This will scare SD, but I am not being treated for my Lupus at this time just the pain that comes with it is all I am being treated for.Being away I am not able to go on a physician hunt.So my heatlh is kinda being put to the side for now.This is worring me as I said I am feeling different pain in areas I have not before.

    I sure wish I would have wrote everyone's names down individually and responed to all of you as an individual,but I didn't and I'm sorry for that.I do appreciate all of your kind words and your prayers as I know God hears them.
    Ms.Moderator-U couldn't forget ME--------I'm Original:)
    As always U are a Sweetheart and have many words of wisdom.
    I will promise to TRY to post more and NOT let this cloud I'm under keep me away--you are right Debby and SD---I do need the support now,more than ever.
    I love You all
    and Thanx again,Blond


    PS-I had to tell ya'll right after I hit the post button,I heard my grandma singing,with my 19 month old grand-daughter on her lap-she is singing *When I get to the Heavenly Something*(mayb 1 of U know)
    She sang her to sleep,this gives ya'll an idea of the woman I am talking about and why I love her so much.[This Message was Edited on 02/10/2004]
  9. dononagin

    dononagin New Member

    Blond, I know how hard it is... I went through it with my mom.. in fact I think I posted to you about it when you first made the decision to go.. I have never regretted it as hard as it was.. & Blond the spiritial lessons I learned during her cross over were amazing... God worked on me and my faith was never stronger, and when she did pass and I was holding her hand my first words were thank you God.. Thank you.. I never would have been able to let her go if God hadn't been giving me lessons of faith during her final days.. I pray that he gives you the same comfort as the days go near.. That you can feel him, the warm tingling hug feeling when God touches you... I know he is watching over you Blond, you have such love in your heart and have been through so much hurt. I know he sees this and will help you... & girlfriend don't forget about us, we are here for you and love you very much...
    God bless and keep you,
    my love and of course my prayers,
    Your friend, Dona
  10. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Sweetie, you have had more than anyone should have to bear. I will pray for you and your family. My children and I still are grieving over the death of my Mom 1 1/2 years ago at age 92. You are right; nothing can prepare one for this. My Mother did start acting a little different for 3-4 days before she had her massive heart attack and I understand this is common in women. Perhaps a visit to her doc would help you all.

    God bless you.

    Love, Mikie
  11. evon

    evon New Member

    i havent posted on this board before, only checked it out and listened and prayed.

    i have seen your posts before on the lupus board so i knew a little about your life.

    since i have read these posts i have prayed for you and wondered how you were coping.

    it must be so hard to be away from your family, because i know there are problems there as well, but i know your heart is with your grandmother too.

    please keep the faith because in the end it is all we have to fall back on and what a wonderfull thing this is. we can all gain strength in the knowledge that the Lord ir with us even when we doubt.

    just know that he will give you the strength you needto allow Him to take the burden on his shoulders and give you the peace to be able to carry on.

    prayers and hugs ( i wish i could give them to you personally).........evon
  12. Blond

    Blond New Member

    I so much appreciate your kinds words,concern,and most of all your prayer.It has taken me a longtime to figure out,But I know-When you feel as thou you have nothing else,God is always here.I guess I need to trust him a lil more and put EVERYTHING on him and not try to handle it all alone.This body is running on low.

    I went to the Doctor on Wed.I was told that if I keep it up,I won't be "around" to take care of anyone.My Doctor and his PA have offered to write a letter of concern,I guess You could call it,to my family.They want them to know,I am sick and this stress I am dealing with is only making me worse.It seems they aren't listening.I did tell my doc.I was not under no terms leaving my grandmother.He understood but let me know,he is worried.
    It's funny---- 2 weeks ago,My granmother made the statment she guess I'd have to be dying before I left her.I'm glad she knows just how much I love her.She's right thou,I would have to be in the hospital before I will leave her.
    Again,I want to THANK all of you,It means more to me than I could ever put into words,To know you are all on my side and praying for me and my family.
    Luv,Blond