I'm really struggling with my feelings & guilt about something I did. Yesterday I was driving my car & I was the 2nd car going into an intersection. The old van in front of me had a disabled plate & had clearly been in several accidents (lots of significant dings, dents & a trashed out bumper & tail light). When the light turned green the van moved quickly about 3/4 the way into the intersection. I was right behind it & I nudged forward & so did the car behind me. The driver of the van blocked 1 of the 2 lanes while trying to turn left. Yes, left turns cause the biggest number of accidents. Needless to say there was nearly another one as the driver just stopped & lots of car horns started (not mine). Our light turned red & the other light turned green. Then the van turned sharply left & cut off another car going forward. I was left situated ahead of the crosswalk & unable to back up as the car behind me was right up against my bumper. It was a very scary scene & way too close! I suddenly felt rage come out of my throat & I screamed at the driver. I said something to the effect that given his or her license plate, no wonder his car is smashed, etc. Instantly I knew I'd said something inexcusable against a driver with a disability plate. I felt lousy. I wannted to put the words back into my mouth. Yes, I know it was part of the automobile anger that changes our personality behind the wheel. I've talked to myself about it. Like many people, I've worked on discrimination & -isms over decades. Still, this came through loud & clear. It wasn't my normal voice & I wish it didn't happen & I'm very uncomfortable with it. Was I venting because I was in a situation where there could have easily been an accident involving me or someone else? Was I not identifying with the other driver, trying to distance myself as if to say I was not like him or her? Is this some internalized fear of how things could be? Was I afraid that the stereotype I'd applied to the van driver would be applied to me in a different situation? (I have a disabled window placard for the rear window.) Has anyone else had similar experiences or feelings? I hope by confronting my discriminatory behavior I'm less likely to have this outburst again. Hard to write about this, but necessary. Thanks for your understanding.