Divorce Advice

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lin21, Oct 1, 2006.

  1. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    Well, I finally rid myself of all the toxic people in my life and now it's time to deal with the husband.
    He was semi supportive when I first became ill but I guess I always knew he was "weak" minded and would never be able to handle anything like this.
    So he decided to make things worse and get a drug habit.
    He was so bad during the summer he ruined our whole summer(4th in a row) and he admitted he had a problem and was going to go to a rehab. He now thinks he is alright because he is taking the precribed amount but he doesn't take it the conventional way.
    Now he is just a nasty SOB from the time he walks in the house until the time he leaves and I just can't put up with it anymore. He is putting this family through hell and I would rather be alone .
    I feel like I wasted the past 20 years of my life with him.
    He blames everything on me.
    My mother says that if I call the cops on him when he is acting out she will cause trouble for me. She is nuts and she'll take a total stranger over me, it's always been that way.
    I'm surrounded by toxic people says my therapist but I can't get away from them because I can't afford to.
    I'm scared and I don't know what to do, this will be a nasty divorce that I'm sure.
  2. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    I don't know what to say.Just want you to know Ill keep you and your little daughter in my thoughts and prayers.

    Please take care of you and your daughter .And remember you always have the members here that you can vent to.

    Take Care
    Hugs
    Sue
  3. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    I haven't actually taken the first step yet but that's where it's going because I can't do this anymore. His own family told me to throw him out.
    I don't know what's ahead but it can't be much worse than this.
    That's why I haven't been on much between taking care of the things I need to with my daughter I'm mentall and physically drained to get on.
  4. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member

    Lin21,
    I am so sorry you and your child (read your BIO)are suffering so.
    I am going through a similar situation, my husband has alcohol abuse, functioning alcoholic. Any type of substance abuse is horrible for the person and the entire family, it makes everyone sick.

    You do need to get this man out of your life, especially if doesn't want to get help.
    You sound so much like me (read my posts on Cheating Husbands) I received so many posts that were very helpful.
    There are so many that have had terrible situations.

    A person that has an addiction problem will always blame someone else, don't let him do that to you! It is not your fault. This man is responsible for his actions. You do not make him act a certain way. It is his choice to take drugs, drink or whatever he does.

    It is ok to be scared...believe me I am terrified of my divorce, but it has to be done...it hurts and sure I will go through many emotions before this is done. I am scared I don't know what is in store for me. It turned my emotions upside down.

    You go to a therapist, stay with it, I plan to stay with mine.

    Any time you need to vent I will listen, so do not hesitate to post.

    What is New Jersey divorce law? I am in California which is 50/50 community property.

    You say you can't afford to get away. Attorney's will take credit cards, and after all your husband will have to pay for this too. Just a thought...

    Please keep us posted. You are a loving beautiful person, and do not forget that you deserve to be happy.
    Take Care,
    Cindy

  5. mrstyedawg

    mrstyedawg Member

    I divorced my husband after 14 years of marriage. Our children were 6 and 9 at the time of separation. My ex was a constant cheat. The stress that he put on me was unbelieveable, but I truly did not recognize the full extent until I was away from him.

    I was constantly following him checking up on him until finally one day as I was driving around to see if I could catch him in anything I stopped and said to myself this is crazy, what do I think I am doing I will not do this anymore.

    We separated and went through a horrible divorce, but it was still better than the stress of living with this man. I am now remarried to a wonderful man that I feel the Lord sent into me and my kids life.

    I look back at my life and cannot believe what I was willing to put up with for so long.

    My best advice to you is make sure you get a really good lawyer.

    Good luck to you,
    Andrea
  6. lin21

    lin21 New Member

    Well today is Monday and he is finally out of here now I have to regroup from the weekend (what weekend).
    I am trying to plan a getaway for me and my daughter next weekend since she is off from school on Friday but I'm afraid. I have never driven more than 20 minutes because I tend to cramp and I fall into flares every time I over extended myself. The last thing I need is drive somewhere and not be able to get back or something.
    We just need a peaceful weekend for a change.
    I'm so alone now, I have no family I could trust , I have no friends (those I did were toxic and bringing me down) and the older friends who came back into my life around the time I became ill didn't want to hear my problems.
    I guess there was a time when everything happened when my life changed overnight that I was a bummer to listen to.
    There is no one I can depend on and after the past two years I don't want to put my trust into any one .
    Lin
  7. Marta608

    Marta608 Member

    My heart goes out to you. I've been through two divorces and there are no real winners. I also suggest you consult a good lawyer before you go too far for too long. A vacation is a good idea, though, if you can do it.

    As bad as you feel about this, don't be hasty. You have a long time to regret haste. Get your legal ducks in a row.

    Good luck to you.

    Marta
  8. opticaltech

    opticaltech New Member

    My sister always said...women will have to commune(sp?) because we will no longer be able to afford to live without a partner or second income...women will have to live together in order to make it....Makes some kind of sense to me...I lived in an abussive relationship for 4 years because I had nowhere to go and couldnt afford to be on my own....but guess what?...Somehow it does work out..I lived out of the trunk of my car with my 2yr old daughter....Plan first and leave second..I didnt plan and that was my mistake...If I ever go through that again...I will make sure I have everything figured out.......L.